Saturday Funnies: Tips for Getting Along in Prison

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Just a few tips that Teresa might want to review before she goes ‘to work’

1) Try and arrive at your designated place without calling too much attention to yourself.

tre n cop in toy car

2) Don’t be too friendly too fast. Inmates are always suspicious of new guys.

luv luv luv me

The Feds are well known for their deviousness and although the guy arriving is in fact a convicted criminal, the Feds may have made a deal to cut her incarceration time for some information from a target within the prison.


3) Don’t just walk up to a table in the chow hall and plunk yourself down.


Be polite; ask if you can join the people at the table. Wait until you find an open invitation from someone to join their table. They might want to join you.

Orange is the New Black

4) Don’t act tough, because other tough women will challenge you. They don’t get a tough reputation from beating up weak people – they get it from beating up people who think they are tough.


5) Don’t get into gambling, shylocking, drugs, alcohol or ‘other’ things. If you do, you’ll be sorry. Don’t try and sell your brew!

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6) Check yourself before you leave your cell. Don’t go out if you’re in a bad mood – shake it off first.

wave behind bars

Because someone’s bound to say something derogatory and if you say something back it could lead to a fight (or stabbing).


7) Be polite. Smile. Don’t sell anything. Or borrow anything. Keep yourself clean and well groomed.

get'g hair done

You’ll attract others like yourself who want to befriend you.


8) Keep away from taking sides in an argument. Be neutral – but don’t desert a friend to save your own butt.


9) If you accidentally bump into someone, apologize for it right away. If someone else bumps into you and does not apologize, ask yourself if pushing for an apology is worth it, worth losing your life for.


10) Don’t ever (EVER) tell on anyone. It’ll always come back on you. Don’t think you can inform on someone and get away with it – you cannot!


Just follow these few rules and time will go by quick!

womens-prison9-nite-day 1

You’ll be out in NO time.




*Content for comedic purposes only. Not intended to be taken seriously*

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