As my name says Ronnie Is Back!!!! I missed you all and I wish to express sincere thanks for all your kind words and prayers during this truly trying time for my family. Now get those cups out because here comes the tea!
On last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” we first see Phaedra with Momma/Pastor Regina breaking bread together and discussing how Apollo is no longer the clean man she married because he cannot keep away from the clubs before he goes to prison. Gotta get it in where you fit in, I guess. I’m too distracted with Phaedra heavy mortician application of her makeup #TurnOff HDTV. Her weave looks fab, though. She feels Apollo just cannot handle being married to a successful woman as herself. Well, I feel Phaedra cannot handle that she knowingly married a convicted felon and has lost control of her marriage. Phaedra the words worth then says that they haven’t heard anything from the bureau so they don’t know where Apollo will be” incarcerate.” Yup, Phaedra Parks, Esq. said incarcerate, not incarcerated. But I digress. Momma orders a Reuben.
Speaking of grub, Kandi is with the now disbanded Granny Gang and Mama Joyce and I can truly say the Diet Is Off. Kandi is so excited to see the fried chicken, mashed potatoes and rolls that she almost forgets to give it up to J.C. After prayer, the sisters congratulate Mama Joyce on her bountiful blessings of having a brand new home in her name. Just when we think Mama Joyce will start to show some grace and gratitude due to her taking medication for her “ammerisim,” not so fast – she admits that she refuses to give Kandi a key to her home. The pimp hand is strong in this one. Kandi once again tries to gain a mother’s love by talking messy and pledging her allegiance to her mom while telling her all the dirt Todd’s mom, Miss Sharon (R.I.P.), said about her in New York. Way to build a bridge Kandi. #GrannyGangReunited.
Caution: Throughout the episode, all of Nene’s talking heads are in her Ode to Dutch Boy Paint Wig so you have been warned. Nene is meeting her newest BFF (Flunky) Porsha for what else, drinks. As she enters the establishment she asks the matre’d for the girl with a “whole lotta weave in her head.” #TheShadeIsReal.
Horsha Porsha is excited to meet her and lets her know her training is almost complete because she too is now drinking Vodka – the newest Kool-Aid of the Cult of Linethia! They throw shade about Demetria’s party. Then Nene, who continuously says in her talking head she will not reach out to Cynthia, now says that she thinks (*cough* Bravo/Andy Cohen) they should all meet for drinks and squash this mess. Poor Horsha Porsha thinks it will be two against one and she is all for it. Stay tuned.
Cynthia feels as Claudia’s newest friend she has to bring out her inner RuPaul. She takes her to Derek J to tighten up her weave. Protect ya edges girl! I think Claudia is naturally pretty and should leave well enough alone. They talk about the favorite phrase that pays – Roger Bobb, and I take a drink. Word on the curb is that he has never claimed Demetria but forgot to give her the memo. As they gossip, Cynthia receives a text from Nene asking to join she and Porsha for drinks and “bring ya gurl, Kenya.” Cynthia feels NeNe is being a Moose in Sheep’s clothing but she is open to the meeting.
Kenya and Brandon are shopping for office space because Kenya is feeling a comeback thanks to Roger Bobb (take a drink). Kenya receives a call from Cynthia inviting or rather insisting that she comes with her as her plus one. Kenya says she knows Nene doesn’t like her so this smells like a set up and she doesn’t want to be bothered. But we all know Kenya cannot refuse a good sit down so she agrees to go. She wonders what Nene has up her hooves. #Read.
Claudia looking fabulous when she picks up her mother and grandmother at the airport. For fun, she takes them to dinner to be served by drag queens. I wanna go! Granny is digging the vibe. After a cocktail (not vodka) her mom is enjoying herself. They talk men, getting a baby daddy so she can have grandchildren and sex. Yup. Then the conversation gets serious. Claudia laments that her mom doesn’t show verbal affection. Her mom basically says talk is cheap, just ask your dad. We get to see a photo of Claudia’s foxy father (she looks just like him). I hope her mom reconsiders. #FixItJesus
Kandi is meeting with Todd in the blue office with the pink chair. They discuss the drama between the mothers. Todd is fed up and feels that it was messy for Kandi to repeat what his mom said about punching Kandi’s mom in the mouth. He basically tells her that from now on, they can have separate holiday visits with their parents because he is tired of being the whipping boy. I agree, actually. Kandi says she asked her mom to apologize (liar, liar). Todd isn’t buying it. She gets up and walks away from the discussion. Todd accuses her of always walking away instead of dealing with the issues. #LawyerOnSpeedDial.
Next on “Phaedra Knows Best” we see her having tooth brushing time with the boys, reading a book with the boys, and praying with the boys. Yes, we get it; you will be a better parent than Apollo. Her kids are cute and it is funny that Dylan refuses to acknowledge them unless they call him Mr. President.
Nene arrives in cut offs and a crisp white blazer to match her nails and teeth, m ‘kay, and greets her sidekick Porsha for the sit down. As usual, they begin talking smack prior to the reconciliation when Kenya and Cynthia twirl inside. The look on Porsha’s face is priceless. A fair fight boo boo (2 on 2). Although champagne is already on the table the ladies order, what else, vodka! Nene starts taking and doesn’t stop. She doesn’t want to get too deep but she doesn’t understand why Cynthia doesn’t respect her. Cynthia tries to explain that she said she felt their friendship lacked respect. Nene says “don’t punch nobody and not expect to get punched back.” Cynthia says Nene should stop making press conferences about how she will never be friends with Cynthia. Nene says she is a grown ass woman. Nene says this is some Burrrrchit! Okay. Kenya tries to play mediator and even says (clutch the pearls) that Nene is validated in her feelings and they need to move past it. Cynthia (in her talking head) wishes Kenya would mind her beeswax (but you insisted she comes chica, right?). Meanwhile, Posha doesn’t know what to do so she stokes her mane (probably repeating I wish I was home, I wish I was home). Porsha leaves for a potty break. Cynthia is now in full kiss Nene’s azz mode (literally – she kisses her 4 times) and is apologizing to Nene like there is no tomorrow. Nene just keeps nodding and mmmm hmmmm.
I know Cynthia is trying to be the bigger person but I –Just-Can’t. I am sure Peter spit out his Jamaican coffee when he saw this scene. When Porsha returns Nene says she and Cynthia need to make up too. Ding goes the bell and both are over talking each other. Nene keeps calling “Porsha!” and Kenya keeps calling “Cynthia!” However, Porsha only hears Kenya (too much weave blocking her ears I guess) and shouts out “this rude bitch, and “she is rude as a muthaphucka,” #GangstaPonyAlert. Nene says that name calling isn’t necessary. I say what do you expect from an angry child? I was waiting for the kicking and screaming to follow. Nene was sitting too far from Porsha to cover her mouth this time. Kenya admits that they both have done things to be ashamed of and they should move past this mess. All the women ask Porsha if she can apologize also and acknowledge her part in the melee. Porsha does not apologize but says she will acknowledge her part if Kenya accepts full responsibility. WTH? Just hug it out girls and keep the vodka flowing because you cannot reason with the brainless. They do and they drink. In fact, Nene and Kenya actually high five each other and burst out laughing. Porsha strokes her weave and is probably chanting “Nene likes me best, Nene likes me best, Nene likes me best.”
Next week, Demetria gets to meet with Roger Bobb’s “friends.” (take a drink).