Episode 2 of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” and this is a good one hunties! Raise ya glasses!
First up, it is time for Ayden’s first dental appointment. No matter what you may feel about his parents, that Ayden is such a cute kid. Phaedra is dressed like she is going to the governor’s luncheon with pearls and lots of eye shadow with her mom and Mr. President who is napping, naturally. We see Apollo on his cell phone having an intense conversation (lawyer perhaps) walking into the dentist office when surprise, he sees his family. He looks stunned. Ayden announces, “Daddy, oh boy!” Gotta love children. I am like, well it is a pediatric dentist, who else were you meeting there if not your son? Strange. Anyway, he tries to make small talk with Phaedra. She ignores him as if he is wearing a wire at the dentist office (allegedly). He speaks about how much he will miss his son while in prison. Yes sir, you will miss approximately the next 16 appointments. They drive away in separate cars in the opposite direction.
Peter and Cynthia are at Bar One planning the party celebrating Cynthia’s five-page spread in Ebony magazine which is extremely huge (Google them). Peter throws shade about Cynthia’s high behind and airbrushing. Seriously
Papa Smurf Peter? I say next time you bring him his Jamaican coffee, Cynthia, have a side of Rogaine on the saucer and see how he likes the shade. Cynthia goes over the guest list and says Porsha is not invited. Apparently Ms. Porsha has been bumping her big gums all across town saying Cynthia doesn’t have a mind of her own. This, coming from Kordell’s ex-beard ex-puppet. The new and improved Cynthia isn’t having it, no ma’am. Cynthia also mentions, yet again, that she and NeNe are never ever getting back together. She says fibroids are less draining than a friendship with NeNe. Bloop!
Across the way at Kandi and Todd’s house, they are awaiting the arrival of Mama Joyce. She is getting a brand new house from
her real suga mama Kandi. Todd is feeling some kind of way and saying Kandi is acting like Oprah buying house after house after house. Todd, slow your roll, you are still only a thousand-aire, so don’t worry about Kandi’s coins. Kandi basically tells Todd to fall back because she can buy her momma whatever she wants. Besides, if Teresa Giudice won’t live in a used house, why should Mama Joyce? When Mama Joyce arrives, she and Todd have a stare down contest and very tense and brief pleasantries. Brrrrr.
Over at Kenya’s place, she is in a zen-like mood and making tea for her BFF, Brandon. They compare beatdowns, his with Apollo and hers with Porsha. She lets him know that the police are involved. Brandon says he will avoid Apollo because he doesn’t want to contribute to beige on beige crime. He tells Kenya to basically seek out her inner Iyanla and let go and let God. Forget the drama and continue to make money and remember who you are girlfriend! They do a little ditty about their new song, “Really Bish” which mocks Porsha’s unbeweavable horse mane and praises Kenya’s real hair. #Burn.
Back in Vegas with NeNe and Greg (carrying the bags), NeNe is all nervous with white teeth and nails ready for her close up on the stage. The makeup artist tells her she will be great. The Art Director, Ria, is telling her just remember your lines and be on the stage in 15 minutes, stat. Time to throw on the Marie Antoinette wig and get ready for an orgy. #MyEyes.
Mama Joyce loves her new home. Bravo lets us know that it has 7 bedrooms, 4 full baths, a two car garage and a basketball court so Mama Joyce can perfect her jump shot. She seems as excited as a koala bear on xanax. Seriously. Kandi is just glad her momma approves. She is also thrilled her mom will be right down the street because she and Todd are trying for children (it’s been a year). Mama Joyce asks if Todd had a Vie-Sect-A-Mee. Kandi looks confused.
We see NeNe in all her drag queen glory on stage. Oh the Zumanity! She claims the show is sold out but I see quite a few empty seats. Bathroom breaks, perhaps? She is speaking in a deep Barry White voice and humping and grinding for the show. Greg looks stumped. NeNe pats herself on her back for all her accomplishments. We all know who her #WCW will be this week-herself-again. Curtain call. Thank Gawd!
Finally we are at the real party at Bar One. Cynthia walks in looking fabulous in her white and black pant suit. Kandi arrives with Todd. Peter compliments Kandi’s curves. Hey, Peter it would be nice if you were that generous with the compliments TO YOUR WIFE. Ms. Lawrence is in the house and everyone continues to let us know that Cynthia is 47 and Fabulous! She actually is. Of course Kandi asks about Porsha (messy boots) and Cynthia lets her know that Porsha is Persona Non Grata and buh bye.
Kandi speaks about Phaedra being stressed so she probably will not attend. Kenya and Claudia (finally) arrives. Kandi right away asks has Kenya spoken to Porsha. Really? Kenya just ignores her and congratulates Cynthia. This is the beginning of Team Pretty vs. Team Petty. Yasss! All of a sudden, who walks in, it’s Apollo. Kenya makes a beeline for the ladies room and asks Claudia to join her. Apollo says “I thought we were cool?” Idiot. Kandi makes a messy comment about Apollo sending Kenya the information so she can send him money in prison. Way to support women, Kandi #TackyAzz. In the bathroom, Claudia tells Kenya that she grabbed her purse and checked her social security card when she saw Apollo. Something tells me I am gonna love Claudia.
They return to the party and Kenya announces she is leaving. Kenya tells everyone bye except Apollo who then makes it his business to actually ask to speak with her privately. I was glad Cynthia stayed outside with them. Security! Apollo starts to offer a half-hearted apology but Kenya is having none of that. She presses for him to admit that EVERYTHING was a lie. Prison Apollo shows up and he gets loud and calls her an a**hole. He does admit that he lied about fellatio. He goes back inside. Cynthia sends for Kenya’s vehicle and goes inside to tell the others what went down. Kandi, Todd and Peter are shocked that Apollo lied. When Apollo comes inside they all asks him point blank did he admit to lying. He says “yup.” They are embarrassed that they chose to treat Kenya like dog poo the entire time out of loyalty to Apollo. Apollo laughs and tells them he appreciates their loyalty. This guy.
Peter suggests they all owe Kenya an apology. Apollo goes back outside. Kenya doesn’t want to talk with him anymore. Then, the real apology comes. Apollo says he was mad because Kenya backed out of their money making deal (DVD sales for donkey booty were dismal; Stallion Booty sold very well). He was also mad because Kenya told Phaedra at the reunion that he texted her. He admitted Kenya never met him in LA and he made the entire scenario up. Apollo says at the end of the day he is going asunder (heehee) and he wants a clean slate. Kenya wishes him well.
Next week the showdown between Cynthia and Porsha. This is going to be good.