With “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” officially ending tonight, the time has come to hammer the last nails of truth into the Jim Marchese/Bobby Ciasulli combat coffin. Bobby, also affectionately known by only his closest adversaries as ‘Booby’, announced that he would be releasing a ‘truth video’ soon. We all know that the truth has been in short supply on Ciasulli’s end this year, but instead of clearing up all of the shifty holes that tend appear when one scampers to the bathroom, Bobby has decided, albeit late, that the time has arrived to expose the REAL Jim Marchese. Jim is ready to defend himself, and has called for a Bravo Twitter ‘trial’ tonight at 7:00 pm EST.
This event should jack the FUN meter far past the mark of a dreary and redundant reunion hour, and All About The Tea has been called to present the ‘evidence’ segment of the hearing. Due to our extensive reporting on the Ciasulli fakery all season, this will be a snap, and we are more than happy to join in the fun.
EXHIBIT A: THE CONSPIRACY
Bobby Ciasulli appears to be a desperate, grasping, fame seeking hustler. He allowed Jim, via legal and publicly exposed contract, to broker a spot for him on the show, and submitted a cringe worthy bio to Bravo selling himself as a swanky, wealthy playboy ready and willing to bring the drama fireworks…anything to see his face on a television screen. He lovingly refers to himself as “Big Sexy”, and also claims to be known as The Fonz, Richard Gear and Bachelor Bobby (HIS spellings), due to his white hot dating prowess. Nothing was off limits for a grab at the gold ring of stardom, including faking his true identity, faking a love interest, faking personality, passions, ANYTHING he had to do, including seeking to connect with anyone who could give him a leg up on the morally shaky, but reflection loving, dream come true, ladder of fame. Picture an uncreative and anxiously arrogant, semi masculine version of Lucy Ricardo…..the goal was tacky reality show business, or BUST!
EXHIBIT B: THE FAMEWHORE OBJECTIVE
Bobby thrives on attention from the adoring masses. As heir to several lucrative family owned auto dealerships, he is gleeful in his role of the showy commercial salesman. This Housewives Groupie made it his personal mission to connect with as many Housewives as humanly possible, and must have faked passionate interests in as many girly pursuits as necessary to justify the giddy group photos that he proudly displayed on his Facebook page.
He further worked his hero next door shtick by signing on to be a local volunteer fireman. Sincerely distressed, civil servant selfies translate to social media GOLD, and provide the perfect heart stirring sprinkles to the top his working man, cutie pie image. Oh and never mind that burning vehicle cluttering his shot…. “Flying down the road in a half million dollar red truck” is his favorite.”
EXHIBIT C: THE FRAUD
Bravo just wasn’t feeling the ‘Mr. Sexy Conquers New Jersey’ angle, so it was time for Plan B. Hmmm…we need humble, middle class, guy next door, devoted to whoever will take the bait without the scary, legal marriage part, with a dash of hero thrown in. Throw them all together and VOILA…the Bobby we all witnessed this season. That would be fine for a really painful sitcom…but for a show that brands itself as reality TV, it was quite a stretch.
FRAUD: Bobby is a humble, middle class guy.
TRUTH: Bobby’s family owns an auto dealership chain that boasts sales in the excess of $300 million last year. He lives in a luxury 9000 sq ft luxury estate in a prestigious golf community, calls himself an avid art collector, and lists “cruising in my Ferrari and hitting the Mediterranean in my families 110 foot yacht,” as his current loves.
FRAUD: Bobby is a devoted boyfriend, and is setting the stage to pop the question to Nicole Napolitano.
TRUTH: Bobby describes himself as, “of coarse big sexy because of the serial dating ive done over the last year and a half. So either I’m a big fish in a small pond or I have some amazing colognes.” There was zero mention of Nicole in his bio. Bobby must have whipped up to the corner of Dunkin and Main in his Maserati, and swooped Nicole up with the promise of fulfilling all of her jelly filled fantasies of fame…as long as she smiled pretty and promised to dress like a J-Lo knockoff.
FRAUD: Bobby’s identity centers around being a zealously committed volunteer fireman.
TRUTH: Bobby began fireman school, in May of 2013. He signed the ‘PLEASE Make Me Famous’ contract with Jim 2 months EARLIER, in March. Let the sham begin, and get that smartphone camera focused!
The bottom line is that Bobby Ciasulli wants to be a celebrity so badly that he is willing to create, manage and distort the truth of his past, present, and future. Reality TV? I think not.
Please use #RHONJTrial and vote GUILTY or NOT GUILTY.