American Horror Story Recap: “Pink Cupcakes” [Episode 5]

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We are back at the Morbidity Museum to introduce the newest exhibit to the patrons of exquisite modern mutations. Mr. Spencer and Esmeralda are there. The curtains are pulled to display Seal Boy from waist up in a tank of formaldehyde. We soon learn that it’s just a fantasy for Mr. Spencer. He’s in his hotel room with Esmeralda. She tells him that she won’t be a party to murder, but she will take an extra 5% of the cut since she has to live with the freaks.

The door bell is ringing incessantly, and Gloria Mott is upset that her maid hasn’t answered it. Must she do everything? On her way to door, she happens upon the maid’s dead body and screams. Dandy runs in the room claiming ignorance, but a mother knows. Gloria tells Dandy she doesn’t want to see him…for the rest of the day.

At the campgrounds, Mr. Spencer pays Elsa Mars a visit. Continuing his lie that he’s from Hollywood, he claims to work for the biggest television network in the world – WBN. Elsa would rather be boiled in water than be on TV. He tells her TV is the future. Elsa says no. To her, motion pictures is the expression of the soul and television is the death of art and civilization.

Jimmy is outside the big tent practicing his juggling before the show when Esmeralda walks up. She reads Jimmy’s palm and warns that a man is coming. He is a liar and Jimmy should stay away from him. Esmeralda advises Jimmy to leave now. When Jimmy tries to kiss her, Esmeralda pulls away. She says his future is bright, just not with her.

Ethel is looking for Dell Toledo because it’s almost time for the show to begin. Jimmy says he’ll go find him and knocks on his trailer door. A drunk Desi says she has no idea where in the hell Dell is. She’s not in the mood to perform and feels nothing inside. Jimmy sits down with Desi and tells her how upset he is over Meep’s death and still blames himself. When he cries, Desi consoles him, and Jimmy makes a pass at her, too. At first Desi’s not into it, but gives in because she wants to feel something again. As things heat up, Desi screams for Jimmy to stop. She’s bleeding down her leg. Jimmy calls for Ethel to help. She tells Jimmy to go start the show and she’ll handle Desi.

Jimmy announces Elsa. She’s is in her blue suit and with her blue eye shadow, singing her song, but no one in the audience is paying attention. They are talking and laughing, and soon, start throwing popcorn at her. Jimmy helps Elsa off the stage. Mr. Spencer is summoned to her tent. Elsa asks him again to tell her about this thing called television.

Ethel takes Desi to the nice doctor that was good to her. Desi has never seen a doctor before. She tells him that it feels like Lobster Boy pierced a whole through her while they were fooling around. Elsa’s eyebrows perk up. To calm Desi while he examines her, the doc asks about her. Desi says that the midwife told her mom she was a boy, and until age 12, she believed this. The doc tells Desi she is all woman. That dangling thing between her legs is an enlarged clitoris. The bleeding was a miscarriage. He tells Desi that in a few months she can try again, but due to her age, not to wait too long. Ethel doesn’t like the sound of this.

Back at Sicko-Manor, Gloria is instructing the workers to dig a hole 18 feet deep for the “special” bulbs she’ll be planting. Dandy apologizes for killing Dora. Apparently Dandy is just like his father and this kind of sickness is prevalent in affluent families, according to Gloria. Dandy announces that he wants to be an actor and doesn’t want to end up like Daddy. Perhaps there is another “special” bulb garden somewhere on the property?

Elsa is getting all dolled up to the song of David Bowie’s Fame. She walks across the campgrounds and sees Mr. Spencer put the twins in his car and drive off. If looks could kill. Mr. Spencer takes the twins on a picnic and offers them a poisoned cupcake. Bette takes a bite; Dot declines, she has many questions about this variety television show Mr. Spencer wants them to star in. Bette starts to cough. Soon, they are in bed lying down, Bette is dying and Dot is begging to be taken to the hospital. Instead, they are taken to the Morbidity Museum and put in a tank. But it’s just another one of Mr. Spencer’s fantasies. Really, they are back at the picnic being offered the luscious, pink cupcake. Dot refuses the dessert for both of them. If they’re going to be on TV, they need to watch their figures.

Dandy is working out in his marble gym, making plans to be the US steal of murder. He believes Twisty was put on Earth to show him the way. Fancied up, Dandy goes to a gay bar. He runs into Dell. Shocker! Did not see this coming. Dell’s in love with a young guy named Andy, even though they only met a month ago. Andy speaks of a man from Los Angeles who told him his caricatures could fetch up to $2 from tourists. Dell slams his fist down on the table and tells Andy the only way he’s leaving Jupiter is with him. Andy asks what he’s hiding, besides a wife. Dell leaves the table to get another round of drinks. And Dandy walks up. Andy explains that it’s $1 to sit and talk, $5 to dance with him, $10 to go in the alley behind the bar, and $20 to take him home. Dandy smiles. 

Dot and Bette are discussing the TV deal when Elsa comes in to tell them the good news. She has been asked by Mr. Spencer to mentor the twins. Elsa wants them to get some rest because tomorrow morning she’s taking Bette and Dot to meet with a private seamstress. Dot knows Elsa’s up to something, but Bette doesn’t care because she wants a new hat.

It’s lights out back at the campgrounds and Dell stumbles home drunk saying he’s been worried sick about Desi. She tells him about the visit to the doctor and how she can have a baby because she’s all woman. Dell walks away, uninterested. Desi is sick of this sham of a marriage and knows that he is Lobster Boy’s father. Desi deserves better. Dell tells her that no one wants a three-titted woman. She informs him that the good doctor is going to fix that. And by the way, she’s moving in with Ethel who is more of a man than he is.

Dandy and Andy arrive at Twisty’s old bus so they can be randy. Dandy professes he’s no fruit. He wants the two of them to turn around, take off their clothes, and at the count of three, turn back around and let the magic happen. In their tidy-whities, after they count to three, Andy turns around to find Dandy wearing a twisted mask. Dandy stabs Andy repeatedly, but he won’t die. Even as Dandy saws off his arms and drops them in an acid bath, he won’t die.

Gloria gets a phone call from the maid’s daughter, Regina, asking where her mother is. She missed their weekly call. Gloria asks Regina her recollection of the type of mother she was when she and Dandy were little and played together. Regina says that she doesn’t remember Gloria being there. When Gloria hangs up, Dandy is standing there, in his underwear, drenched in blood.

Dell visits the doctor to tell him to stay away from his wife, breaks his hand, and threatens his family if he performs the surgery on Desi. Elsa picks up the twins, but instead of taking them to a seamstress, she drops them off with Gloria to stay at Sicko-Manor.


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