We begin our final episode in Mountain Brook with Jaime trying to call the baby-mama. She hasn’t heard from her in weeks. The baby-mama doesn’t answer so Jaime leaves a message. Danielle tells Bart about the note she received from the doctor’s office concerning her blood work. She has almost no response to the stimulation of her eggs. Shots are necessary, but Danielle is apprehensive about fertility drugs. Luci visits Scarlet to discuss her love life. She finds Scarlett easier to talk to about Jeff than Jaime. They both agree that while Jaime gives great advice, her delivery sucks.
Jaime calls Danielle because she’s nosey dying to know the results of her tests. Danielle tells Jaime that she and Bart are going to try the shots. If that doesn’t work they will consider egg donors. Jaime immediately offers one of her eggs, but that would be a mistake because then Jaime would probably want that baby to be her fourth child. Danielle is too polite to say, no freaking way!
Some time later, Jaime and Arden visit Danielle’s house. Danielle has made muffins for everyone, however, they’re healthy without eggs or any of the good ingredients. Jaime tells Danielle the muffins taste like paste. Arden asks for tea so that she may pry her mouth open. Jaime tells the girls that she needs a vacation. Arden recommends going to her lake. What lake, you ask? Why Upton Lake, of course.
Jaime is packing, but needs to call Danielle to ask what she should wear. Danielle suggests plaid, flannel, and camouflage. Jaime doesn’t have any. She asks her husband, Michael, who surprisingly doesn’t have any either. Jaime packs her fur vest. Hope it’s not deer season.
Jaime and most of the girls arrive at the up-scale, not roughing it for a minute, lake house. Jaime is bothered by all of the dead animals hanging on the walls. Scarlett shares a lovely story of her first deer kill where they smeared blood on her face and cut the balls off and made a necklace for her. Good times.
Luci arrives after a crappy day at work, but is ready to get her drink on. One bourbon and ginger, coming up. Even with the drink, though, Luci is giving Jaime the cold shoulder. She’s tired of being judged about Jeff, whom she is still texting and Jaime has made clear in earlier episodes that she doesn’t approve. So, Danielle and Jaime go for a walk together. Jaime wants her to let it out. Danielle’s disappointment over her fertility struggles are brimming under the edge and sometimes it’s good to just let it out. They both scream, “It sucks!” at the top of their lungs. The fish and birds fly and swim away.
Jaime sends another text to the baby-mama, and again, nothing. That evening the girls play the drinking game: I Never. The object is, you don’t drink if you haven’t done it. First one: I never fantasize about kissing my friend’s husband. Interesting. Not everyone drinks. Next one: I never kissed a girl. Only Luci and Jaime drink and the other ladies speculate that the two have made out. Third one: I never looked at my vagina with a hand mirror. Everyone but Haley drinks. And the last one: I never had sex on a plane. No one drinks. Not even Jaime who flies all the time. But wait, Haley takes a drink – probably because she’s thirsty from the last round.
They switch to the stripper name game (middle name plus street you grew up on) but things take a downward turn when Luci’s alcohol kicks in and she declares that Jaime is the biggest hooker. Luci explains that she didn’t mean hooker like prostitute, just that Jaime’s a dirty girl with her husband. There’s a compliment in there, Jaime. You just need to get out your microscope to see it.
Jaime tells the group that her friend Tracey from New Jersey, the one that was helping Jaime move back to Jersey, is now leaving Jersey and moving to Indiana. Jaime is heartbroken that Tracey is moving. Luci, the drunk philosopher, explains that Jersey is to Jaime, like Jeff is to her. Somebody/place you will always love but shouldn’t be there/with. (Like I said, she’s drunk.) When Jaime tries to say something, Luci covers her mouth and spills Jaime’s drink. Things are getting crazy. Luci might find her head mounted on the wall if she’s not careful.
Before they all go to bed, Luci tries to explain to Jaime and Arden that she lost the account that was going to make her quota for the year and she wants to take a shower to chill. Jaime doesn’t understand why Luci needs to take a shower. (Umm, Jaime, maybe there’s a shower massager in there.) But then Luci calls Jaime a dirty mo-fo and stomps out of the bedroom to go sleep on the couch without her shower.
The following morning Luci has a hangover, it’s raining, and the girls are going skeet shooting. There is tension in the room, but everyone’s too polite to bring it up. They’re off to take their frustrations out on the skeet. Thankfully, Hud the helper is there. A deer walks over to the girls, and of all people wants to kiss Jaime, and eat her fur vest. Hud goes over gun safety. Keep the gun pointed up the hill. (Not at the friends you are mad at.) Luci tries first, but misses. Danielle tries, but doesn’t like it. Jaime tries, but is uncomfortable. Shaking is not a good way to hold a gun. But the good news is Jaime and Luci are joking with each another. Back at the house, Jaime and Luci kiss and make up. Then they get on a plane and join the mile high club. Just kidding!
That night the girls go to a real honky-tonk where they are greeted by a somewhat sketchy looking gentleman who offers them his grandmother’s lemonade. Most southern ladies would have politely declined, but these girls actually try the moonshine. They dance the night away to live music, having a great time.
The next day before they leave, Jaime the trickster, pushes Haley into the lake. Because it’s Jaime’s show, Haley is very nice about it. Jaime tells the girls that although she thought the baby from Louisiana felt like hers, she’s not feeling it anymore. Instead of focusing on what she doesn’t have, Jaime is going to focus on her three beautiful kids and her wonderful husband.
The updates for the season finale of “Jersey Belle” are:
Luci has moved on from Jeff and has a new man now. Haley’s old boss.
Danielle is still struggling to get pregnant. Her twitter says she now has three dogs.
Arden is getting her way and building a five bedroom house.
Jaime lost contact with the baby-mama, but still has hopes for a fourth child, even though Michael has not had a vasectomy reversal.