Preachers of LA Recap: “Prodigal Son” [Episode 5]

As you may or may not know, your humble correspondent categorizes herself as a “recovering atheist,” so please feel free to correct my opinions on preaching. Now, that being said, I’m beginning to think these Preachers are not doing the right kind of preaching. I’m beginning to think they’re making stuff up. Like this: Dietrick and Wayne are goofing around playing at Karate in case someone “steps up to me at church” as Dietrick tell us, and then they start discussing Nannies. Dietrick insists he needs a nanny. But, let’s be clear: “We don’t need a nanny with a big fanny. You need a good ugly nanny! ” says Dietrick. To which Wayne replies, “You conjured up the spirit of Gibson on that one!” Hmm, I’m just wondering if that’s how Joseph discussed the nanny situation with his friends.

Wayne then recaps the whole Caleb/Mother thing. It would seem a simple enough solution for any other person of means: Move the brother out, leave Mama there alone. Wayne still seems confused though.

Fish Lips and Chris Isaak seem to have a son called Newt. Well, Christy has a son. It’s evident Jay doesn’t like him. She cries, and he agrees that he can come visit. Will there be blood?

At his Mom’s house, Wayne‘s about to spill some blood of his own. He invites his mother to stay with him. Mom asks if he’s talked Myesha about it, and Wayne’s speaks the fatal line that most husbands utter at one point or another. “I’m sure she’ll be alright with it.” ROTFL!! Really? Ohhhkaaaaay.

Mama Faye and Dominique have a visit and discuss the nanny debate. She obviously doesn’t want want a nanny, but she agreed to interview some nannies, and wants her Mama to move in with them. Mama Faye shoots down that idea for the foolishness it is! I like Mama Faye!

Fish Lips picks up her grown-ass son at the airport and they have a tearful reunion and they load themselves into her MERCEDES! Seems Newt is still upset over not spending Christmas with them. I can’t figure if that’s for the all the Christmas loot he missed out on, or that he’s such a family-minded former drug addict/partyer that he really missed his family. Which appears to be a “half-family” kinda thing. Like there’s a whole ‘nother family in Alabama, but they don’t have a McMansion.

At the gym, Wayne drops the bomb on Myesha about his Mom staying with them. Myesha gives that look that any husband should know means, “not over my dead body!” But Wayne obviously likes drama in his life and won’t back down.

Seems Fish Lips and Chris Isaak have daughter named Paris. Ok. That’s not a stripper name, right? Newt, who is an adult, wants to move back to California. Everyone else needs to decide if it’s good for him. Let me break this down. He’s an adult, he can get a job, and he can live in any state in the union, including Hawaii and Alaska, unlike some contest rules, so what’s the dealio? Who needs permission? Or is there an underlying current that this adult wants to move into the Haizlip house? Oh no he isn’t would be the proper response! Uh uh! Get real! Of course, it’s a commercial, so I’m talking to myself. We’ll have to get back to the show to find out what the real deal is here.

Okay. Commercials are over! Thank goodness! We’re back at the dinner table and Jay brings up a party in the garage that Newt had. It must have been a helluva party, because Christy can’t explain “how much she does not want to go there” and Jay drops it, which leaves me to wonder, “Were there goats involved?” But it’s pretty darn obvious Newt wants to move in with THEM, and Jay has no room in his house for her son! Any fool can see that. But Fish Lips can pray, can’t she? Newt speaks like a used car salesman and says all the right things, like “I love you,” and “I’m sorry” so everyone starts crying. Yes! Sold American! So much for common sense and making a grown man work out his life on his own. Fade away over some really – and I mean really – cheesy acoustic guitar playing. Don’t these shows have enough production money to buy some decent tracks?

Time passes. I can tell by the montage of moon shots and aerial views as the sun rises. Hey, Mama didn’t raise no dope! Dietrick and Dominique start interviewing nannies. Where they got them from, goodness only knows. Certainly not from any professional nanny agency. One is actually a designer that makes head wraps. Another can only cook beef jerky. The other has a British accent and won’t cook at all. Dominique finally gets real and escorts out the nanny who looks like a man-eater. She’s not sold on any of these nannies, and I agree. Her kids would be safer with Jeffrey Dahmer than any of these nuts!

Back at casa de Wayne, he’s installing his Mom in the pool house. Myesha walks in and finds out Mom WILL be staying there. She gives that look again. Take notice, Wayne, if you value your life! He tells Myesha it’s temporary. He compares his Mom moving in to Jesus going to the Mount of Olives. If any of you can explain this analogy to me, please educate me below, but my first thought is that there is nothing Jesus-like in anything any of these people are doing! Now, maybe this Mount of Olives thing was a whole ‘nother trip than what I’m thinking Jesus did. Heck, I’m open. Let me know.

I’m gonna skip right past a segment where Dietrick‘s acting the fool again with Dominique‘s Mama. We’ve all seen this nonsense before. Thank goodness she’s not playing into it and won’t say the words, “I love you,” to Dietrick. You go, girl!

Back to Jay and Newt – who names their kid Newt? – they seem to be enjoying a meal together at an outdoor cafe. All of a sudden, without explaining it to us in anything but the most vague, most cliched terms he can summon, Jay has decided that Newt has changed. Not sure how he knows this from one weekend, but he seems willing to bring the drama back into his life. Brilliant, eh?

Myesha, Wayne, and Myesha‘s grandma are at the park and Myesha says that Wayne‘s mom moved in with them. Now, here comes the voice of reason: “Your kidding!” says grandma. Thank you. That’s what we are all thinking! Wayne comes over and explains the “whole” story: His mom was at a place where she wants God to take her away! Oh my! That certainly pulls in Myesha‘s support. Perhaps, though, he should have gotten to the bottom of why she feels that way? Like exactly who kicked who’s door in, and who called 5-0? Restraining orders? You know, stuff like that. Wayne sure knows how to play Myesha. Grandma’s not saying anything, but I sense she sides with me.

Final segment, and we see Christy and Jay packing Newt into the MERCEDES to throw him on a plane back to Alabama. Jay tells us how good he feels about Newt now and how this weekend has strengthened their relationship. Uh, okay. I’ll believe you if you want me to. Christy tells us with her big ol’ fish lips that she feels really good. Not good enough to suggest her adult son stay and find a job. So, how good is that? Am I missing something?

Well, till next time, may God bless you all, and we’ll be just fine if we don’t live like these Preachers. <3

 

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