It’s day two in “Couples Therapy” and Treach and Evel are commiserating around the pool table. Treach is still harping on the fact that Cicely is not going to become his assistant just to keep tabs on him. Perfect timing for the groups first group-therapy session.
Dr. Jenn explains the topic is to reflect and discuss their conflicts. Cicely goes first. She says that Treach cheats. Treach says the only time he’s cheated was when they were taking a break. Cicely tells Dr. Jenn that when Treach is on the road, things get back to her. Treach says these are just rumors and accusations. Dr. Jenn explains that the only way for their relationship to work is for Treach to be tender with Cicely’s heart. Until then, Cicely will never trust him. In other words, quit being so harsh.
Next up is Nikki and Juan Pablo. He says that after the show everyone was talking about them. Nikki says that Juan Pablo handles this better than she does. She is more private and protective of their relationship. Juan Pablo has never met a fan with a camera that he didn’t like. The one time Nikki refused to take a photo with someone, the tabloids wrote how rude she was. Dr. Jenn explains that Nikki is still waiting for that final rose and they will have to negotiate what real life is going to look like. In other words, get over yourselves.
Deena speaks next about her darkest moment and how it didn’t involve Chris, but she feels like she’s pulling him down. At the start of season six of the Jersey Shore, she was gripped by anxiety. Chris says that he doesn’t know how to help and hates being unable to make her smile. Deena refers to her medicine and her crazy pills. Dr. Jenn explains that she shouldn’t say that anymore because it disempowers her. In other words, it’s time to hang up your party shoes.
Last to speak are Evel Dick and Stephanie. Evel says their break-up wasn’t one big thing, but little things over time. Stephanie says she got tired of all the bickering. Dr. Jenn asks what they were fighting about and Stephanie starts to cry. She feels that now at 41 she finds herself wanting a baby when before she didn’t think she wanted kids. Evel has no intentions of having more kids. He’s tired of the rules in the relationship changing and he having to make all the changes. Dr. Jenn explains that Evel misses opportunities to connect with Stephanie. In other words, it’s not going to work out.
After the commercial, the group is told that a new couple will be joining them. Evel thinks it’s going to be a gay couple. Surprise! It’s porn queen Jenna Jameson and MMA coach John Wood. Jenna used to date Tito Ortiz (and has kids with him) for nine years. Tito is now dating John’s ex-wife. When Jenna and John met they discovered they had tremendous sex chemistry together. John describes Jenna as the alpha male who doesn’t listen. Jenna wants to get this relationship right. They’ve only been dating for three months, so good luck with that.
As they enter the property, Cicely recognizes Jenna first. John recognizes Treach. Jenna and John continue on with the tour, giving the others a chance to talk about them behind their backs. Nikki is conflicted by Juan Pablo’s excitement. When Jenna and John are brought to their room, Jenna does not like it at all. It looks like a place where people go to die, according to her. It’s a little drab, but hey, it’s rehab not the Ritz.
Dr. Jenn meets with Treach and Cicely privately. She asks about their biggest challenge right now. Cicely says their foundation is broken and built on lies. For example, when they met, Treach didn’t tell her that his ex was pregnant. Treach says he didn’t lie, but he didn’t bring it up. (Umm, that’s called a lie by omission.) Dr. Jenn says it sounds like he withheld important information because he was afraid to lose her. Cicely says if they break up she and the kids are going back to Ohio. Dr. Jenn calls Cicely out on this threat and informs her that the kids need their dad to be around.
The group is sitting at the kitchen table eating when Evel tells Juan Pablo and Nikki that out of everyone there, he feels that they’re under the microscope the most. Nikki agrees. Chris (who apparently didn’t watch The Bachelor) asks why all the negativity? Nikki explains that Juan Pablo didn’t propose at the end like he was supposed to. Jenna says she hates when they pit women against each other just to get a man. Nikki thinks it’s kind of like real life. (Sure, Nikki. In real life 24 beautiful women vie for 1 man in exotic locations around the world.) Jenna says she’ll win a man’s love on her own, thank you very much.
Now it’s time for Jenna and John to meet solo with Dr. Jenn so she can get a sense of why they are there. Jenna shares the trauma she and John felt when they learned their exes were together. Dr. Jenn says it’s not uncommon for two people to become united from pain. John shares that they are both strong-willed, but he doesn’t like to argue as long as Jenna does. Jenna wants a man who is supportive yet doesn’t let her get away with stuff. Dr. Jenn explains that it’s a fine line between being supportive and being enabling. In other words, quit being so controlling, you can’t have it both ways.
The group is working out, hanging out, and just relaxing around the house. Everyone except Jenna. She is very upset because their toilet has backed up and it smells like sewer water. She will not live in squalor, damn it. Jenna doesn’t like the color of the walls or the bedspread, by the way. It looks like a prison. (A very nice prison.) The other couples can hear them arguing.
Dr. Jenn goes to their room and apologizes about the toilet. Jenna gives Dr. Jenn her list of everything she doesn’t like about the place. John is embarrassed. Dr. Jenn tells Jenna that sometimes people dwell on the little things because therapy is scary. Jenna says, “Are you trying to say I’m switching and baiting?” (Actually, it’s the other way around.) Dr. Jenn says not consciously. Jenna then says, “Oh, I’m doing it unconsciously,” in a mocking and hostile tone. Dr. Jenn doesn’t want to push Jenna to shut down so she leaves.
John tells Jenna that she was condescending toward Dr. Jenn. Jenna is surprised he even knows what that word means. John tells her to stop being so dramatic. (Uh-oh. Them are fighting words.) He quickly tries to apologize, but Jenna won’t accept it. She says, condescending is a derivative of being intelligent. (Say what?) Jenna accuses him of being disrespectful to her. John tries again to apologize and doesn’t want to keep fighting. Jenna calls this a cop out. Jenna tells him that if she came off as “condescending” (with actual air quotes) this is how she made 36 million dollars and built an empire. Nobody is going to f*uck with her.
Tune in next week when Evel Dick tries his best to f*ck with her.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.