David Tuteras Celebrations

David Tutera’s CELEBrations Recap: Alexis Bellino Dress Meltdown [Episode 5]

I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

This week on CELEBrations, David is on his way to Orange County to meet with former, “Real Housewife of Orange County,” stars, Alexis and Jim Bellino. Slomique gives him the 411 that Alexis was booted from the show because the other cast members thought she was fake and Jim was a caveman. Slomique tells David that the couple want a vow renewal for their 10th anniversary. David doesn’t think ten years is a major milestone (hello alimony) but agrees it’s a big deal. The Bellino’s want their party in one week. 

Cielo’s first birthday party also happens in a week. David is going to be busy, busy. He says that Alexis will get a great party, but Cielo will get an insane party. This is a very long car ride. Slomique has time to tell David that he will like Alexis’s big boobs. (Who can forget Jesus Jugs?) Driver Montre states the obvious about David’s sexual preferences, and David confesses, with total lack of emotion, that he has previously slept with a few women. TMI.

David arrives at the Bellino homestead. Jim lets him in. When Alexis sees David she is surprised. No one told her David Tutera was coming to her house. Not the camera guy. Not the microphone person. Not even the makeup artist. How rude. Alexis likes the idea of a vow renewal. She’s thinking beach; until Jimbo tells her no. She’s thinking yacht; until Jimbo strikes that down, too. She’s thinking princess bride and wants all the guests to wear white because that’s so original. Alexis will wear red. When David asks Jim and Alexis to agree on a concept, classy or casual, Alexis mentions her therapist, and panic ensues over the one week timeline.

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The following day David is on his way to meet Alexis at a dress shop. Talking on the phone with Slomique, they discuss that Alexis doesn’t know the meaning of casual. The horse-drawn Cinderella carriage that Jim wants is approved by David and he ponders out loud about Alexis and women like her, calling them: rich and useless. (Sounds like a new show on Bravo.) 

Alexis and her friend Shawn arrive at the dress shop. Michael Costello, fan favorite from #projectrunway, is there to assist Alexis-sort of. David informs Alexis that he will have the final say over her dress. Alexis is outraged. Jim didn’t tell her this. Michael leaves abruptly claiming to be afraid of Alexis, but obviously he’s not, so it’s just awkward.

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

Alexis tries on a two dresses, hates them both, and now doesn’t want red. She wants crimson. In the new dress, David calls her Jessica Rabbit, so now she hates it. Alexis has found a white dress, and though she hasn’t tried it on yet, knows it’s the one. David suggests dying it crimson, but Alexis wants a new dress sewn. And by the way, she wants a second dress, too. David tries to explain that it’s not a wedding, it’s a party with vow ceremony. David says he has to leave and Alexis freaks out again, screeching about the dress and the details as David waves goodbye.

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

After the commercial break, David is in the car when Alexis calls. She is going crazy, she is not sleeping, and she wants details on the party. David calmly tells her everything’s under control. His peacefulness has the opposite effect on Alexis. She needs to see him right now at Jim’s business (shameless plug) Sky Zone in Anaheim. Now. She’s not paying for his excuses. Ahem, paying? 

David arrives two hours later, so he says. Alexis is waiting out front for him. She hasn’t slept in three days. Jim is surprised to see Alexis. (Again, very rude of the camera guy and microphone person to not tell him that.) Jim asks if Alexis is there deliberately to ambush him in front of the customers. Commence meltdown. Her rambled words come out faster and faster, making no sense, talking about eating takeout. Alexis storms off. 

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

It’s the day of the party! Alexis and her friends arrive at the hotel to get ready. The dress hasn’t arrived yet. David hasn’t arrived yet. Panic ensues because Alexis hasn’t seen her dress yet. Then tragedy strikes – Alexis breaks a nail. In some countries this is a sign to run for the hills. 

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

Slomique and David have their weekly power struggle, then explore the outside and inside venues. Everything is gorgeous. David is taking his time, not rushing up to Alexis’s room to give her the dress. He must be afraid of her, too. Eventually David goes upstairs and hands over the wardrobe. When Alexis unzips it and discovers the Jessica Rabbit crimson dress, she becomes visibly upset. She can be heard sobbing in the locked bathroom. When Alexis opens the door, her nose is red and her face is blotchy. Those acting classes are paying off.

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

David just wants to see Alexis smile so he sends Slomique and Montre out to run around the area and get all the red dresses they can find. Guests begin arriving dressed in white. The ceremony is forty-five minutes late at this point. Slomique and Montre return with two bags of dresses. Luckily, one of the dresses makes Alexis breaks into a happy dance. It’s just what she had in mind and fits perfectly. Imagine that.

Alexis and her son are picked up by the Cinderella horse-drawn carriage. Since it appears the event is all at the same place, I guess they go around the block. The ceremony begins ninety minutes late. Lydia, another ex RHOC, is there to share the special day. Gretchen and Slade aren’t there, in case you were wondering. After the vows are exchanged, they walk down the aisle with their three kids. Say what you want about Jim and Alexis, they have adorable children. 

David Tutera’s CELEBrations

Everyone is dining and presumably having a good time when David’s event coordinator asks Alexis what she would like to do with the one hour remaining. Alexis says she doesn’t want to leave her guests to change into the second dress. But wait, she changes her mind. Suddenly, she can’t stop thinking about the dress. The dress that made her sob in the bathroom? Yes, that one. She runs upstairs to change into the Jessica Rabbit dress she now loves while Jim bores entertains the crowd with a very long toast. The guests are eating donuts waiting for something, anything to happen. At last, Alexis bounces into the room in the crimson dress, ready to dance the hour away. Jim is in awe. David leaves. He is only thinking about Cielo’s party now.

The theme was Cielo’s Wonderland. Tea party with tea sandwiches. Balloons and bubbles galore. A cake that looked like stacked books. And a beautiful little girl in a pink dress and pink hat. Cielo’s grandfather put it best when he said, “If this is her first, what will her sixteenth be like?” Can’t wait to see it!

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