Below Deck Recap: Charter Guest Soul Mate [Episode 4]

Ahoy, Landlubbers! Well, it took the whole first five minutes of the episode to find out that a) Andrew got his full tip b) everyone hates him and c) Captain Lee finally pulls the plug on the tub and lets Andrew go down the drain. The disdain is palpable as they say “Goodbye,” to Andrew.

But here’s the twist: Of all people, it was Ben that walked him off and said the final goodbye. “Take care, sincerely. You’re a good guy,” and HUGS him! Oy! Just when a man calls another man a “f’ing Muppet,” he turns around and gets all mushy inside. Not to worry about Andrew Phillip Sturby, though – he’s got his “Sammy” so he’ll be fine. “Sammy?” Did he mean chamois cloth? Can’t tell because it looked like a piece of baby blankie. Ah, well, “parting is such sweet sorrow…” and all that other stuff Shakespeare wrote.

Captain Lee, being the moron that he is, decides to let everyone off the boat to blow off steam. Yeah, that’s a good idea. He should know by now that the best thing to do is permanently keep that tub on lock down!  The crew goes off on a Catamaran to get to another beach, and it gives Kelley and Jennice some quality time to discuss really important world issues like Jennice’s boyfriend and Kelley’s girlfriend. Jennice is torn between ripping off Kelley’s shorts and shagging him like a rug, and doing the right thing. Amour, amour!

Quickest break ever because everyone’s back on the Ohana and cleaning, yet again. Captain Lee informs Ben and Kate about the new guests. From the picture, the primary guest appears pretty sleazy. He’s also bringing aboard more people than there are beds, so of course, Kate decides he’s her soul mate.

Kate and her posse leave the boat to steal flowers from residents’ yards. Of course. Why pay for flowers?

The guests board and everyone notices they look different – kind of like high-rent call girls. The lady guests decide that Kelley is hot of course – I mean, they do have eyes. Before they even leave port, though, the primary guest is already complaining that they haven’t left yet, even though push off time is one o’clock. Soul Mate or In Mate?

Jost Van Dyke Island – don’t ask me – I’m Dutch, but the only thing I can pronounce is my own name – and the way to get there seems to a water slide. It’s takes five hours to get put the dang thing together. One of the guests requests Kelley go down the slide. He radios Captain Lee to relay the request, which should be Captain Lee’s cue to say “No, you’re needed on board,” but he throws him to the she-wolves.

Kate thinks these guests are wonderful but she’ll soon regret that compliment because behind her back, they’re all commenting on her sterling personality which consists of the perm-a-pout. They’ve concluded Kate must hate them. Good going, Kate!

Dinner time and Kat is bitching about how much work it is to serve all these people. Looks like there’s a whole nine or ten people so Jennice is commanded to help out. Meanwhile, Mr. Primary Guest comes down to complain is taking way too long to make dinner. Ben basically says they can go “f” themselves because he’s an artiste.” Though, he does come up with the idea of baking a casserole for tomorrow night’s dinner. Or maybe Hot Pockets. This would solve the two-hour delay in getting dinner on the table and one of the plates arrived with plastic on it. The crew promptly decides that the guest planted it and Ben decides to defend himself. He goes above deck and he points out that the plastic obviously came from the guests’ own bottle of Boone’s Farm.

After dinner, Mr. Primary Guest decides to reiterate his 8:30 PM sharp dinner time. The next morning, Ben gets up at 5 AM to make sure he’s not late for breakfast. While he’s working, it appears that Kelley and Amy are hiding someplace talking about Jennice. They both like her, and they both appear to forget that Kelley has a girlfriend. Whaddup with dat? Meanwhile, back to Ben and since the guests wanted breakfast between 9 and 10:30, they start complaining he’s late for his own breakfast. As waves are crashing the boat, Ben has problems keeping his poached eggs stable. He figures his job in par with an EMT in terms of stress level.

The guests’ engage in Kate bashing while Kate is busting her little butt making a scavenger hunt for them. They request her presence upstairs and tell Kate he’s “bitchy.” So much for soul mates. Amour, amour.

During the interstitial, Eddie Googles one of the guests and figures out she looks like a porn star. Gee, if only he had done that much hard work on vetting Andrew Philip.

During the commercial – yes! It’s Idris Elba! – I’ve gotta wonder if Kate is cancelling her scavenger hunt because if it was me, her tea-stained paper would be flushed down the john.

Back to the show, and YES! Kate cancels her scavenger hunt! She’s pissed! She decides to make them a shot called a “Happy Stew” which I’m sure at this point includes some loogies! While the guests are drinking, Kate goes below to make the perfect blanket fold for Mr. Primary Guest. It’s not in the shape of an anchor. It’s, well, let’s just say it looks like a part of the male anatomy.

Perfect time to end the show and, no, I’m not going to tell you what the preview of next week’s show told me about the towel art! You’ll just have to come back and read it here, mateys!

 

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