Part two should be subtitled “The bringing of the big girl pants!” Shannon, much to Tamra, Heather, and Lizzie’s seeming amusement, is asked about her various “holistic practices.” A viewer asks if the only thing Dr. Moon is really doing is emptying Shannon’s wallet. Shannon feels that Dr. Moon has helped both her and her children when they’ve been ill – that he can distinguish between a virus and bacteria using holistic medicine. Andy tells Shannon that despite Dr. Moon’s help, Shannon seems tightly wound (he calls her a complete stress ball) – something she admits to being, pre-Bali. She still maintains that she’s been a brand new Shannon since that trip. When asked about Heather’s joke about her coloring her hair but having a greenhouse, Shannon says that it’s about balance – yes, dye on her hair, but a green home. Vicki swears, by the way, that her business took off after Shannon’s Feng Shui expert helped her and she’s now having her house done.
Vicki is asked if she is threatened by Lizzie’s youth and beauty. Vicki says she is not, that there are people older and younger than her, age doesn’t intimidate her. Vicki, when asked about her immediate friendship with Shannon and the difference with Lizzie, takes FULL responsibility for the rough start with Lizzie. She adds that she and Shannon met at such a comfortable, informal, way and that the limo wasn’t the best way to meet for her and Lizzie. I don’t what makes the difference for Vicki, but at least she didn’t fault Lizzie.
Lizzie is asked if she is being thrown over the counter by Christian (after a flashback of him telling Lizzie he likes her more when she cooks and she responds by telling him she likes him more when he throws her over the counter). If you really needed to know, they are spending a lot of time with the countertops…just remember that if you’re ever invited to dinner. Make reservations. Just saying. Everything else in Lizzie’s life is good so Andy asks about the Birthday dinner. It devolves into a shouting match with Tamra (you’re shocked, right? – all of which we’ve heard during the regular season with the exception of this previously unshared gem: Tamballs didn’t call earlier because she was trying to get her mother to come and stay with her children. Her mother is the only person she would trust since the group was traveling to L.A. Makes sense, I just wonder why the mother explanation didn’t come up sooner. Lizzie tried to explain to Tamra that she wasn’t angry at her, but that she was hurt that it seemed that Tamra didn’t want to be there. She felt Tamra was being “disingenuous.” Heather (Thesaurus or Dictionary Dubrow) crinkles her nose when she hears it.
Tamra says not only did she repeatedly apologize, she even offered Lizzie a one year membership to her gym. Vicki’s smirk at the news speaks for me, too. Yeah, I would rather win a free trip to visit Dr. Moon and his infamous– not that I would use it.
Tamra’s journey with “Astro” and Eddie come up (including the clip of Tamra being asked by Heather about “pushing” Eddie into having a baby).We see Eddie’s disengagement and Tamra reminding us that Eddie once said he wanted children. Has the baby impacted their marriage? There has been a little tension but in essence she’s learned that she’s not that excited by the thought of having children, any more. Next comes Lizzie’s comment about Tamra “having four children, been married three times, is nearly 50 years old, she’ll be all right.” Andy asks if Lizzie thinks Tamra should have another baby. Is there some public poll that determines reproductive rights we don’t know about? What purpose, other than stirring the pot, does this serve? Another fight ensues, of course. Lizzie tries to be complimentary including calling Tamra accomplished and beautiful. Tamra thinks Lizzie, who didn’t know what she was going through, should have kept her comments to herself. Lizzie pulls the “entitled to my own opinion” defense Tamra pulled earlier, with Vicki, about Brooks.
When asked, Vicki talks about how hard it’s been to raise two children and that being with her grandchildren was tough, too. Raising young children is tough, now. Once Andy is done asking the other women what Tamra should do with her ovaries, he turns back to Tamra, raising the issue of Simon’s threat to take additional custody (though not full custody) of their children. Jeana has called and provided comfort to Tamra, according to Tamra. She says that Jeana has offered to do what she can to help her children. Vicki steps in and compliments Tamra as a wonderful, loving, mother.
Shannon is asked if she and David have gotten away other than to the St. Regis. Shannon reports that she and David have been on four trips in three months prior and she says that the show in some ways contributed to helping her save her marriage. Tamra quips that the show helping a marriage would be a first – Andy offers to help her get back together with Simon. Tamra passes. We see more clips of the Beador marriage – the fights, the attempt to get away to the St. Regis, Shannon talking with Tamra about her marriage, David stating he wants to be happy from now on. We see the bounce back and that they are happy. She mentions that post Bali, the time shift made it easier for her to transition to the early bed time with her husband. I think Shannon is working toward free travel from some official Bali travel bureau. The trip to Bali centered her, made her a happier person, and contributed to the happiness of her marriage.
Andy, who just questioned Shannon about the relationship with her husband, asks the others if she shares too much information about her marriage (nice way to put a velvet glove on that hammer, Andy). Tamra and Heather both start to make the claim that she was oversharing when they first met. Neither can be specific. She shuts them down and tells them that they can’t say she’s done something on one hand and claim not to remember. She only said that she wished her husband would take more time off and take a vacation with her. After coming home from Hawaii just two days before the reunion, David told Shannon he was closer to her now than the day they got married. She also notes that when they’re together they are cheered on by people who recognize them.
Andy brings up the Dubrow home and we learn that it will be done by next summer. Andy follows up with comments that while her house is being built up some were trying to tear her down. We see Vicki and Tams’ taking hot shots at Heather early in the season, but we also see some smack down of the others by Heather. Andy is smirky and loves her line that if she’s perceived as talking down to someone, she probably is, because they’re morons. Tamra’s face seems to tighten up. Something tells me Tamra will be working hard to make amends with Shannon and Vicki by next season, maybe even Lizzie, if Heather is her only option. Vicki and Tamra both state that they believe they were too harsh on Heather this season.
This season, Andy is not kissing the Barney– stone (get it?) and he’s calling bull! We see the two faces of Tamra (Snuggling up to Shannon, kissing up to Heather – telling Shannon she can trust her, telling Shannon’s secrets to Heather – Telling Vicki she’s happy for her, telling Heather how she can’t stand Brooks). She’s accused of playing all sides and trying to be everyone’s friend. Tamra confronts Vicki about not having her back in Bali, even though after the trip with Alexis, Vicki claimed she would never let anyone “gang bang” Tamra like that. She faults Vicki for believing Lizzie’s “lies.” Lizzie defends herself – she’s not lying. Vicki lets Tamra know she’s offended by the comments about Brooks and Tamra asks her if she wants her to lie. Vicki…I have to stop, because I love this moment so much I’m wiping tears from my eyes…Vicki tells her she lies all the time, why not? BOOM! Housewife down, Housewife down! Down, but not out.
Tamra says “F—k You!” to Vicki. For a moment, I think the comeback has silenced Vicki for good. Tamra says, “I’ll go there, Vick.” Calmly, and with the precision of a ninja master, Vicki stares Tamra down as she shakes one hand at a time and says, “The gloves are off.” I think I fainted. GORGEOUS moment. Tamra calls Vicki rude. She says that Vicki sat back all season, sent her friendly texts and was then mean behind her back. Vicki tells Tamballs she had a great year, after three years of hell, and wants to know if she’s jealous. “JEALOUS!” Screechs Tamra, “NO!, I’m HURT!” Vicki tells Tamra she’s not happy. She asks her why she acts so miserable if she’s so happy. Tamra says she’s not miserable. Vicki makes a spitting horse sound in response. HA!
Vicki asks Shannon and Lizzie if Tamra looks miserable (they, of course, say yes). Vicki slaps Tamra with her own tagline. She tells her she’s supposed to be getting better and better and better, she’s only getting more bitter and bitter and bitter. I AM SLAYED! Vicki asks her why she’s so angry and ugly to the people who care about her if she’s so happily married. DAMN! Somebody put Vicki’s gloves back on. I have a feeling the bitch-slapping hurts more than anything a gloved hand could do. OUCH! Tamra claims she’s extremely happily married. She calls Vicki a nasty person and asks her why she’s going into her marriage. Vicki returns the “nasty person” name-call and asks Tamra why she’s going into her relationship. Tamra says she’s not, and Vicki says good, then stay the hell out of it. She also warns Tamballs to never say F-U to her again. From the look on his face, good luck convincing me that wardrobe didn’t have to change Andy’s suit and swap out his chair to clean up the sweat stains. He looks confused, disoriented, and possibly afraid.
Andy asks Heather her feeling about all of this, Heather thinks Vicki should have pulled Tamra aside that night in Bali. Tamra says that it’s what a friend would have done. Heather thinks that Tamra has been accepting of Brooks. Tamra is now claiming that she never said that Brooks is a nasty person but that she thinks there is someone better (I seem to remember a clip of Tamra telling the other ladies that Brooks was not a nice guy, I don’t get what she’s saying, here). Vicki tells Tamra she doesn’t even know Brooks. She also says that she has options and she doesn’t know if Brooks is the best man for her and that’s why she’s taking her time. Tamra asks what that means. Personally, I think it’s a slap at Tamra for being in a “serious” relationship with Eddie before formally ending her marriage to Simon.
For the 100th time, we’re back at Marry, Shag, Kill. We need an interactive reunion where the audience gets to choose to replacement host. I can’t take hearing about this, again. It is the same argument about which word was used. Heather is accused by Lizzie of loving Tamra and taking up for her, when asked why Heather would say that Lizzie said “F-K.” Tamra says that Lizzie wanted to take her down. Andy, who finally begins earning his reunion pay repeats “she wanted to take you down?” The other women, so into the fight about this ridiculous game, miss the point. It’s the same language she allegedly used to stir conflict between the Beadors and the Dubrows. The MSK game leads to more fighting about the B-Day party. Lizzie calls Tamra a bitter old lady for not understanding how humiliated and hurt she was. Tamra says Lizzie doesn’t value family to not understand her daughter needed her. She brings up the comments Lizzie made on the bus about leaving Christian if things are lousy again next year. Shannon says that Tamra always hits below the belt and this is another example.
Andy asks Tamra whether, given the accusations that she talked about everyone behind their backs does she owe anyone an apology. She is only sorry for making Shannon’s difficult time worse. Tamra claims that everyone else was saying “She’s crazy, she’s crazy” and she added to it. Who is the “everyone else?” I wish Andy had followed up on that since ‘everyone else” in the room has said that their opinions of Shannon were formed by the things Tamra first said. Vicki does not look pleased to be excluded from the apology list.
Shannon says that she accepted Tamra’s apology the first time, but then Tamra talked negatively about her again, and she doesn’t know what would change. She doesn’t know if she can trust her. Tamra says that she forgive and forgets all the time and claims that Vicki has done “so much” to her that she’s forgiven. Andy asks Vicki if she feels that Tamra does the things she does when she’s backed in the corner. Vicki says that she doesn’t get backed into a corner that she does the backing. There is a lot of fighting back and forth and in essence, the friendship seems severed. Vicki doesn’t think that Tamra is someone she can count on 30 years from now, her friends don’t say that things about her that Tamra does. Tamra is stunned that Vicki would say that since they’ve kept each other’s deepest darkest secrets.
Vicki reminds Tamra she said F-U, and Tamra says she’s sorry and that she’s hurt. When Lizzie speaks up to say that they’re all hurt, Tamra screams at her to SHUT UP and go sit over there (seemingly pointing to a corner off stage). Lizzie calls her nasty and begins crying. Heather crosses to the other side and hands her tissue. She thinks Tamra owes Lizzie an apology – more excuses from Tams (backed into a corner, she was interfering as she was talking to her best friend).
Tamra claims that Vicki said that if she wasn’t nice to Brooks, she would make things up about her marriage – Vicki basically admits it but says she would never do it. Lizzie says that she never said anything about Tamra that wasn’t already said on camera, and Tamra responds with “Bullshit”. Again Bali comes up and Tamra calls Lizzie the “ringleader.” Shannon reminds her that there was no ringleader they were all sitting together talking. Tamra tells Shannon that she believes that Lizzie knew what she was doing and that she also believes that Shannon was not trying to hurt her. Tamra says that Shannon doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, she’s a soft sweet soul. She says what she did to Shannon ate her up for months and that it kills her to re-live it. Everything she’s saying, now, makes Tamra look worse, in my eyes, because it feels to me like she knew Shannon was a “soft sweet soul” and that she was still willing to hurt her for her own purposes.
We’re at the end. We conclude with Andy’s new favorite questions about the one thing each person has learned about themselves, this season:
Shannon – has learned what to do to have a better marriage and happier family. The show has reinforced to her that family is the most important thing.
Vicki – seconds Shannon’s comments and adds that despite the naysayer and negative vibes, she has to be who she wants to be and not to worry others any more. Vicki takes full responsibility for her happiness and possible unhappiness.
Lizzie – not to be so trusting and that she’s a strong person. She should believe in herself.
Heather – she has learned to let it go.
Tamra – She has learned that she doesn’t have to talk about everything.
Andy has learned it’s taken 9 seasons for Vicki to become the voice of reason on the show. He offers Tequila shots. They’re all in, except as they joke about the sequence of lick, slam, whatever, Heather wants to know if they’re now the “Real Housewives of Guadalajara” and whatever happened to champagne… Girl… BYE!
Vicki gets to make the toast. She says to Andy, “we love you” and then tells Tamra she accepts her apology. Champs Dubrow steps in and says “to accepting each other’s weaknesses and celebrating each other’s strengths.” It’s a nice way to end.
Well done, OC HWs, well done.