Preachers of LA Recap: “Truth Be Told” [Episode 2]

Family time at the park for the Haddons with both grandmas sitting near each other, and that’s the best time for Dietrick to ask Dominique to recap the Sip and See. Yes, I’d like to hear this, too, because I didn’t see any Sippin’ or Seein’, just shade being thrown. Dominique rightly assumes the juiciest part was Loretta and Lavette bobbin’ and weavin’  like Ali and Frazier.  She also throws in the fact that Christy didn’t come, which has Dietrick automatically assuming it’s a thing about the marriage ceremony again. But, he decides he’s gonna be the bigger man. Uh oh.

Christy, looking like a Stevie Nicks contest reject, drops into JJ’s Bistro for lunch with Loretta. Of course it’s the Sip and See that is the topic for discussion with Loretta bursting at the seams to tell Christy that everyone went dead silent when she asked where Christy was, and Christy, looking uncomfortable, says she was uncomfortable. Way to match the facial expression with the feeling, girlfriend! Loretta promptly brings the spotlight to her side of the table by spilling her feelings about Lavette and Ron – they seem to be judging her by not wanting to participate in her pretending to be First Lady of Noel’s church when she doesn’t have a ring on it. Loretta and Christy agree that the most Christian thing to do is to just ignore people that don’t agree with them. Amen!

Jay drops in on one of his sheep who paints really scary, ugly stuff and is concerned about Justin the local homeless drug addict. They go out to look for him and find him on the street, passed out with a bottle of Pellegrino. I hate Pellegrino. It tastes like Alka Seltzer. Does that make me judgmental? Jay’s concern is mental, not so hands on, because he doesn’t seem to want to touch Justin, even when it looks like he’s ready to topple over.

Ron and Lavette are talking in the backyard of the McMansion. I really like Lavette. I’m thinking about asking her to adopt me. She’s gonna fix Ron a five-course meal instead of a hot dog! He says, “Yabba, dabba, do!” Oh, and there was some talk about the whole Sip and See, but I was more interested in dreaming of living in that McMansion with my new Mommy and Daddy, Lavette and Ronny. (Seems Daddy is going to plan a double date with Noel and Loretta and get this whole mess settled!)

Cut back to the mean, mean streets of L.A. and Jay trying to get Justin to eat at a real diner, but he’s totally whacked and can barely speak, much less eat. It seems Justin takes drugs cause he misses his Mom, who died of Lymphomia when he was 18. But Jay keeps waiting for a sign from a kid who’s looking comatose to me. Looks like he needs the Emergency Room more than a Diner!

Coming back from commercial, Jay’s still looking for a response from Justin instead of recognizing that Justin is in no shape to communicate. Jay throws Justin in a dive hotel I suppose – we don’t see where he goes – but it seems that way.

At home, he tells Christy about Justin and we learn that’s the most important thing to Jay right now, but I can’t concentrate because every time I see Christy, I can’t take my eyes off her lips. I know somethin’s not right there, but I just can’t put my finger on it.

The double date is here! Here’s the most amazing revelation: Noel is actually trying to tell the whole world he and Loretta are friends without benefits, implying they aren’t sleeping together, but Loretta says there are benefits, implying they are sleeping together. Is your head spinning yet? Wait, there’s more! Loretta is so high up on her horse that she decides to go after my sweet new Mama, Lavette, telling her it’s none of her business!

There’s an awful lot of talk from Loretta about how she can’t judge Lavette so Lavette can’t judge her, but it seems like a lot of smoke and mirrors to me when we all know the issue is that Noel’s getting the milk without buying the cow! Unless he’s a Eunich. Now there’s a real plot twist! He’s certainly acting like one, letting Ron go after Loretta, calling her a Jezebel, with nary a peep out of Noel! Loretta must keep his balls in a little satin bag in her underwear drawer.

Now Oxygen is a channel I can get behind because they’re playing the whole long version of the Idris Elba commercial!

Back from commercial and it’s now the rumble in the jungle, with Ron doing the rope-a-dope on Loretta and she’s so confused she don’t know what day it is, much less the time! Her corner man, Noel, should throw in the towel because she’s ‘bout ready to go down for the count. No Jezebel has no standing with Ron! He KNOWS Noel ain’t paying for this cow, not now, not ever! Can I get an “Amen?”

Unfortunately, we have to go back to Jay and his “church” and his dopey expectation that the drug addict is going ot show up. Then we cut to Noel and Loretta playing pool at home, and Loretta is slamming those balls. Noel still can’t understand why Ron objects to Loretta, but she don’t’ care – she doesn’t need Ron. But Noel is putting bros before hos and lays down the law that Ron must be at this crusade because he knows more scum than Noel does which must mean mo’ money.

Now, we’re cutting back to Jay. Why? Because we have to be reminded that these folks are preachers. After some creative editing, we see Justin enter the church, but it seems he came to drink and pass out. Finally, someone calls the damn EMTs to take him away. Seems Jay preachin’ in his ear didn’t’ do diddly squat. Our man Jay seems to think he’s Peter, but he’s not even Peter Brady!

Now study your bibles my children and next week will continue next week with more preachin’ and teachin’ and reachin’ for the bottle!