Surprise, surprise, dear readers, “LeAnn and Eddie” is still on the air! In this week’s episode, we delve right into the world of doggie psychology. LeAnn is worried that their tiny chihuahua Precious is “depressed,” and suggests to Eddie that they find a dog therapist. Eddie is skeptical – he predicts that Precious will open up to the shrink about the pain of losing her ovaries or not knowing who her father is. LeAnn is not deterred by his taunts and is determined to tote her tiny dog to the head doctor.
During a kale-tastic lunch with her mother, Belinda, LeAnn shares her concerns and doubts about becoming a mother. As she pushes her to start pumping out the grandkids, Mama Belinda tells LeAnn about her own infertility issues.
Apparently it took her twelve years to cook up her miracle baby, LeAnn. Belinda encourages LeAnn to see a doctor for tests, (she is 31 years old after all).
Back at their Malibu beach house, LeAnn intimates her reproductive concerns, while Eddie is super busy tinkering with the outdoor shower head by the pool – I think that’s the most work we have seen either of them do so far this season. LeAnn has made an appointment with a specialist for the following morning and it just so happens to coincide with the dog therapy appointment, so she guilts Eddie into taking Precious to the pooch psychiatrist.
In the morning, LeAnn meets with her doctor and gets all the requisite battery of scans and labs. Next we see Eddie meet with the knock off dog whisperer, ahem, doggie therapist, Tamar, in her art filled loft. She suggests that it’s usually the owners that have the issues, rather than their canine companions. “Oprah calls me life coach for dogs and the people,” she hoarsely croaks in heavily accented English. She begins to shriek, “Leave it!” to Precious and the other dogs repeatedly. Apparently this is supposed to teach the poor things manners.
LeAnn is at a dance studio taking a hip hop dance class to blow off steam as she awaits her medical test results. Looks like a tribute to early Britney Spears choreography. She confides her fertility phobias to her friend, Liz, whose face is cosmetically wound tighter than a drum. Liz tells a touching story about her miscarriage, and I know it’s cruel but all I can focus on is her helium filled lips. Paparazzi are lying in wait in the parking lot (aka VH1 producers with big cameras). LeAnn handles it with grace and aplomb even as she complains about the “unwanted” attention.
After the break, the happy couple cruises through the hills in a gorgeous classic black convertible. Dressed in hideous matching shirts, they arrive at a retro themed bowling alley, rolling suitcases en tow. They type in their bowling names into the overhead screen: “ho” for Eddie and “trash” for LeAnn – too easy. Some of their fellow bowlers ask them to pose for pictures with them. They oblige, but after one blue-haired grandma too many approaches them, they flee, citing the overwhelming approaching hoards of fans.
Safely ensconced at home, LeAnn is baking several dozen chocolate chip cookies when the phone rings. The results are back – LeAnn’s AMH levels are low and they need to get off the birth control and onto the breeding schedule asap. Eddie is reluctant, but LeAnn insists. “Is there ever a perfect time?” is Eddie’s enthusiastic response. He seems resigned to his fate, perhaps even somewhat happy.
Later that evening, Eddie and LeAnn are lounging in bed, surrounded by their pack of a half dozen miniature dogs. Eddie is attempting to use dog therapy techniques to seduce LeAnn. It seems to work as the scene fades to black amid loud smooching sounds.
Y’all come back now, y’hear!