The wedding day is finally upon us and it’s raining buckets. Jaime is delayed at LAX, and please stop telling Arden that rain is a blessing. The good news is that Arden’s MIL shows up for the ceremony. She seems like a pleasant woman, though doesn’t speak on film. Believe it or not, some people don’t actually seek out the cameras. During the exchange of vows, the pastor tells family and friends that he did not select this sermon; the couple selected it. Something about complete submission to the man, blah, blah, blah. Jaime’s take on this is pro-submission…if she’s tied up ;).
Jaime makes it back to Mountain Brook one hour behind schedule. Two stylists arrive with a designer dress that is two sizes too small. Hilarity ensues. They are meeting at Leigh Ann’s house before the party and will take a limo (new in 1980) from there. All the girls in the limo have a roadie. They might be proper, but they can handle their drink.
At the reception, Arden says she’s happy to see Jaime, but didn’t really convey any happiness. In a TH we understand why. Arden was not happy with Jaime’s fashion choice of a black, leather jacket. Is that because it’s black? Or leather? Is the no-leather rule new or old? Arden never tells us.
Luci is conflicted about being at a wedding. Haley hooks her up with friend, Brooks. (Not Vicki’s Brooks from RHOC. This is a common name in Alabama/Mississippi.) They dance and have a fun time. William and Arden depart by helicopter for the airport. They leave in their tuxedo and wedding dress for Playa del Carmen.
The rest of the show is baby talk. Jaime wants one more baby. There’s just one hiccup – Michael had a vasectomy after the last baby. Jaime says she’s open to adoption or snatching. Which ever comes first. We then switch to Danielle at the acupuncture’s office. She is getting needles placed in her ears and ankles to help with peace and fertility. (I think.) Danielle has struggled with endometriosis and is not sure about fertility drugs. But God has a plan for her.
Back at Jaime’s house, it’s countdown to bedtime. Jaime’s going out with the girls. Michael seems completely content to handle the kids while she goes. #greatguy. At the bar, the girls toast the end of Arden’s wedding. Luci is told that Brooks had a great time dancing with her. But just in case there’s a store called Love Stuff down the highway. Jaime tells everyone that Luci knows all about that store and goes there all the time to get vibrators. Luci says, “Just that one time” and turns red. Jaime assures Luci that all the women at the table masturbate. Then their faces turn red, too.
Jaime asks Danielle if she’s ready for her surgery. Danielle says that she’s tired of being in pain, so yes, she’s ready. Feeling like a jerk for wanting child number four when Danielle hasn’t had child number one. Jaime tearfully tells Danielle to tell her to shut up if she talks too much about babies.
After painting Charlie’s toes, Jaime and Michael head out to dinner. They are going to have the talk. The following is a summary of their conversation:
She says: Her entire life she has wanted 4 kids
He says: Where was this information prior to the vasectomy
She says: She asked that he wait one year to get it
He says: She pushed him to set the date
She says: He let her hormones get the best of her
He says: Don’t play on that sympathy
Somehow the topic moves off–task to Jaime’s last pregnancy and when she was in the hospital for 34 days, Michael only visited five times. Warning. Wrong direction. This gives Michael an out to say, look how busy we are. The following day, when Jaime talks to her mom, she says that Jaime is too busy for a 4th baby. Her mom suggests a two-year break. Jaime would rather “chew her own eyeballs” than be a stay-at-home mom.
Over at Danielle’s, it’s 5:30 am and she is making sure her dogs, Willie and Sweet Pea, stay on their routine. She is the best mommy-doggy, and hopefully she will have 10 kids someday. (Though not at once.) Before Danielle and her husband, Bart, go into the hospital, he says a prayer of protection for her. When Danielle comes out of surgery, the doctor says it was a success and soon they can start making babies. Jaime calls to check on Danielle and tells them to expect sauce on their doorstep. She’s leaving for New Orleans.
Later, Jaime calls Luci and Scarlett from New Orleans to tell them she has found a woman who wants to give her a baby. The weird thing was, Jaime was actually asking the girls pregnant friend if she was planning on keeping her baby, because that’s just normal conversation that you have with people on the street. Well, it turns out that girl was keeping her baby, but the other girl has a baby for Jaime. How do you like that? Tune in next week to see if this is true or if Jaime had one too many hurricanes.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.