Given how mind-numbing the first two parts were with repeated scenes from the lackluster season, it shouldn’t surprise you that part three opens with yet another repeat of scenes from Carole’s birthday party (complete with LuAnn screeching out a song). We also see Carole’s hot-mess date with former soap hunk, Nick Gregory. Carole is called out for being so awkward on the date – to which she and LuAnn swear that the date went better than shown on TV. How could it have gotten any worse without the need for a police report? It was terrible.
Aviva is called out for making a comment about Carole’s age. Aviva claims she was complimenting Carole – because she thought Carole was much older than 50. Carole does look older than 50, to me, but I’m not buying Aviva’s story. I think it was a backhanded dig at Carole. Heather, Carole, and Kristen have been hitting her with body shots the entire season, so I get it. The upside? LuAnn and Carole are now friendly (someone on this show has to be) and they’re sorry that they didn’t get along from the beginning. LuAnn says that everyone has the wrong idea about her – before meeting her. People think she’s an unapproachable countess ß-yes, lowercase countess. Sonja throws her head back and laughs. I just can’t, with the Duchess, right now. I’m letting it go.
The next package is of Heather going off on Aviva (including the “don’t effin’ tell me nuthin’, mother-fer” rant. Heather seems to think she’s always been pleasant to Aviva. Heather says that the name-calling got to her, she thinks it’s ok that she called Aviva a MFer, but it’s not ok that Aviva referred to the amount of alcohol she consumed. Heather really stretches reality to its breaking point by stating that Aviva stereotyped her as an ex-con by asking if she learned her foul language in prison – I am DYING laughing at how stupid that sounds. Heather doesn’t seem to remember that Carole fired the first salvo regarding Aviva becoming an author, she feels that Aviva went after Carole in order to get attention for her book. Aviva’s perspective is that prior to that she and Heather didn’t have any real issues. Their only issue is Heather acting as if it was her duty to be Carole’s bitch. Ramona, of all people, tells Aviva she takes things too seriously sometimes and needs to learn how to laugh.
Andy wants to know what Aviva meant by the “prison” comments. Aviva says that she feels that Heather plays a role. They were in the Hamptons, not the hood. Carole and the Duchess LuAnn interrupt her to come to Heather’s defense and claim Heather was being herself. Did they REALLY just say that? Right, because that’s who Heather is all day every day, folks.. ‘straight thuggin’… except when she’s at home, it seems. Or in the Berkshires. Or in a business meetings. Or in restaurants. Or when talking to anyone else other than easily intimidated housewives. Like, love, or hate her, I thank Aviva for bringing up Heather’s act and throwing it back in her face. I call bull on the Princess LuAnn. Five words: Mentor to inner city girls. If you are a long time viewer, you remember the episode. LuAnn was a fish out of water, when working with those girls, and had no clue, and seemingly made no plans to figure out, how to talk to them. Does it make her “hip” to have a “thug (in a dress) friend” like Heather defend her? I will be so glad when these women are gone!
Heather doesn’t find her own behavior offensive, just Aviva calling her out on it. Andy seems amused by Heather’s act. Shame on Andy. Heather says that Aviva is “Miss Vassar” when she says the naughty words but that she is treated as a former prisoner when she does it. She tells Aviva the only storyline she has is her leg. THAT, folks, is some seriously ugly B.S. I think someone should be thanking Aviva for helping Boston Marathon bombing victim, Heather Abbott. Heather just goes too far.
If it weren’t for my bees’ knees editor, I would have changed the channel by now. Here are the highlights from the rest of the show:
- We come back from the commercial break with Heather trying to turn the conversation into Aviva attacking people in the “ghetto” and those in prison. You can check. She really did say that.
- Kristen and Ramona go at it over Ramona trying to force everyone to make up with Aviva – with Ramona dismissing Kristen when Kristen wasn’t ready to make nice with Ramona and vice versa.
- Sonja is asked why she’s forgiven Aviva after their big fight, when Heather was the one who stood up for Sonja. Sonja says that she is a Christian and can forgive. The women laugh at her. Sonja thinks their laughter will not play well in the bible belt. She feels they’re mocking her.
Ramona and Sonja have a bit of kick of them this evening.
- Andy talks about the HWs tough times and personal triumphs and shows Aviva going back, after 35 years to talk about when she lost her leg. This really makes Heather’s comments look smaller than before. We see Sonja saying goodbye to Millou. Ramona is saying goodbye to Avery who is leaving for school. We see Kristen and Kingsley and the work with the physical therapist – Kingsley is now walking, but still needs therapy. Heather and Jax’s hearing loss are featured. Ramona took a beautiful moment, one of Heather discussing Jax’s progress, by adding (as a compliment Singer style) that because of all of her work, Jax doesn’t know he has a handicap. I get the sentiment, but the expression was all wrong.
- We find out that Ramona and Avery are very close – with Avery sending texts and pictures from college.
- The ladies get a good laugh (fun, no malice) over Millou blowing back in the wind when his ashes were scattered.
- Andy again asks about Aviva and the barn. Aviva got to face that fear and get rid of that fear. Aviva ruins the moment by stating that at least she didn’t have to provide a doctor’s note to prove she lost the leg.
Heather states that the Aviva in the barn is the one she use to know and was a good friend with. Carole felt the same.
Ramona thinks that Aviva has a nice side, and a vile side. She feels that Aviva turns on people. Aviva says she can’t have a conversation with a person who says she’s vile. Aviva says it’s normal to respond with anger when people attack her. Ramona wants to start fresh. She rephrases, stating that she and Sonja fight and make up but she can’t understand why she and Aviva have had such tough times. Nothing is resolved.
- We see Sonja flipping out on Ramona (which Andy calls “Ramonjadise Lost”) We see clips of their biggest fights. After all of that, the state of Ramonja is strong! Ramona even apologizes for opening up about Sonja’s financial woes.
- Kristen’s comments about Ramonja being her “crazy drunk aunts” comes up and Kristen admits it was a dig not a compliment. Ramonja swears they’ll go to the grave with the good friendship no matter how anyone else sees them. They have a sisterhood. I have to say that I think they have the most genuine friendship across franchises.
- Aviva’s leg throw is next. Along with that is Kristen’s “Asthma makes you bloated” comment (#secretgenius…not) I never noticed Sonja telling Aviva to keep calm when Heather was yelling at her. Aviva says that she had three shrews coming at her and says that banging her leg on the table worked because it got them to shut up. The bad puns begin.
Aviva is most upset that Kristen was disgusted reminding her that it’s prosthesis and that saying she wanted to vomit was wrong. Kristen says that she forgot about the prosthesis since Aviva rarely ever mentions it, contradicting Heather’s earlier comment.
The Petty Couch is convinced that Aviva planned the throw. Aviva swears it was spur of the moment. Kristen swears that Aviva wanted all of them around the table to be able to throw the leg.
Andy asks the highborn countess about etiquette. I zone out until I hear that the final moments are NEXT! YES!
- Andy asks for final thoughts/something the women learned.
- Ramona has learned that you can’t judge other people’s behavior and expect them to act as you would act. You can’t get upset when people don’t do things the way you want them to and apologizes to Kristen for being upset with her for not accepting her apology sooner.
- Kristen says that she needs to learn the art of communication with her husband and friends.
- Heather has learned how lucky she is to have her family and good people around her.
- Sonja has learned that she’s learned that Lu is much more sensitive than she appears. There are things she can’t say to her that she can say to Ramona. Ouch.
- LuAnn says the season has been fun and has found out being a “friend of” was relaxing for her.
- Aviva has learned how important it is that everyone support one another, when women don’t support one another it can make or break you.
- Carole has learned that some will have your back and those you think will kick you when you’re down probably will. She’s learned that people shouldn’t make her mad.
I learned that Bravo needs to fact check these wives at the reunion so that they don’t walk away believing their own comments. I’m done. I’m outta’ here. Come join me at All About The Tea for “Dallas” when it airs!