Don’t Be Tardy Recap: Spring Break Forever, Biermanns [Episode 5]

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Ah finally, the rain has gone away and the Biermann bunch can go outside and enjoy their so-called private beach. I don’t see anything private about it because the camera is blurring out tons of people on both sides of them but I digress.

Its day 4 of spring break vacation. Brielle wanted to go jet-skiing. Kim said absolutely not. There were red flag warnings and Kim worries enough about her. If something happened in the ocean she wouldn’t be able to get to her. Brielle then does what most teenagers do. She asked Kroy. Kroy told her to ask her mother. And so it goes, Kim wins this round.

Next we see Kim and Kroy rolling the stroller through the sand as they walk and talk. She says there is some lingering tension between the two of them over last night’s discussion about Brielle. Kim wants to think Brielle is perfect. Kroy is realistic about teenage pressures.

Kim knows that the time is fast approaching when Brielle will be 18 years old and she will have a life of her own. However, she isn’t motivated to do anything including clean her own room. Kroy says that is because there is nothing (meaning no one) to motivate her. In other words, Kim is passing her laziness onto her daughter. I’m sure she has heart to heart discussions with her on how to land her own Big Papa so that she doesn’t have to do a damn thing.

Next, we see the bunch walking on the boardwalk or as Kim called it “The Redneck Riviera.” Lana must be home with the twins. They spot a stage where they can karaoke and dance to a song with a green screen behind them. The result is their heads popped on animated bodies. This thing just so happened to have the song “Don’t be Tardy.” Is anyone else with me in thinking they sang a different song and production edited it to make is appearDon’t be Tardy” was actually playing? Oh Bravo you are crafty!

Don't Be Tardy

Walking on, they spot people inside of balls rolling around on top of the water. Kim offers Sweetie $75.00 if she does it. Sweetie doesn’t want to get her shirt or weave wet but hey, money is money. She gets in the ball, we see her stumble and fall a few times and that is that. Meanwhile, Brielle has constantly been on her phone texting.

Don't Be Tardy

At dinner they talk about their yearly spring break vacations. Brielle informs them that she won’t be along next year because she will be with her senior class partying it up in Cancun, Mexico. Kim doesn’t like this idea. Kroy, being the calm Dad that he is, tries to diffuse the tension and says they have a whole year to figure it out.

It’s another sunny day on the beach. Kim is lying out and Kroy breaks out his new GI-Joe binoculars. Kim bitches to us that she was mad when she saw that he paid $3,000 for them. This is funny coming from the woman who will spend that on a procedure to melt fat away instead of working out for free. It gets better though when Kim tells us that the lenses have Swarovski lenses. What? She wants to know how Kroy even knows about Swarovski crystals. Here’s an idea, go get your giant ring appraised. If he knows about Swarovski, he knows about QVC’s Diamonique collection.

Don't Be Tardy

Those $3,000 binoculars are about to pay off. What is that? Oh look its paparazzi taking photos of the Biermann bunch. Kroy digs his heels in the sand and marches over to them. Kim runs to catch up to him but can’t run that fast because her boobs were flopping too much. The rest of the gang goes to. Where are the babies??

Don't Be Tardy

Kroy has words with the man and woman paps and explains they are trespassing on a private beach. There was a sign! He tells them to leave. Kim slaps the camera away from the man because he was videotaping the whole thing. The woman barks something to Kroy about getting physical and Kim tells her that Kroy would never get physical with a woman. Eventually they agree to leave.

Don't Be Tardy

Kim complains that they got pictures of her while her hair looked flat, her boobs looked saggy and damn it all, the least they could do is split the proceeds for however much they sell the photos for. It’s only fair.

That night Brielle announces she is having some friends over. Four people. Okay maybe six. Kim doesn’t want them in the house. They can convene on the beach. Sweetie will be home to make sure no one gets out of control.

Kim and Kroy are enjoying their first night out alone since the beginning of the year. They are eating bread pieces dipped in melted cheese. Meanwhile a bunch – the number mentioned was 80 -of young teenage boys gather on the Biermann private beach. There were maybe 2 girls amidst all of this testosterone.

Arianna and her friend come to join the party. Brielle is not amused. She wants her to leave. Eventually getting the hint, baby sister walks away mumbling about not wanting to be at the stupid party anyways.

Next, Sweetie comes out. She is mortified at the number of kids there and the fact that the majority of them were boys. She goes inside the house and immediately informs Kim of the situation. She and Kroy decide to end their cheese date and go home.

As if instinctively knowing her parents were on their way home, Brielle announces to the party people that there was another party just down the way. She suggested they go there because her party was over. Once Kim and Kroy arrive home, Brielle explains to them she asked the group to leave because a lot of them were drunk or had done drugs before they arrived and she does not hang around those types of kids. Kim naturally is proud of Brielle. She says that her mother warned her she would get payback for what she put her parents through as a teen. So far, her mother has been wrong.

Don't Be Tardy

Next week Brielle wants to try her hand at Cheerleading. Kim thinks it is just because Brielle wants to wear the cute skirt.

Until then, Reality LuLu


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