David Tutera’s CELEBrations Recap: Taylor’s Wedding [Episode 1]

David Tutera is known for putting on fantastically outrageous weddings, but has he met his match working with these CELEBrities? Time will tell. The first episode opens with an update on his personal life, adorable daughter Cielo and boyfriend, Joey. They are moving into a new house.

At the paint store to pick out color for Cielo’s new room with assistant Montre. David gets a call from Taylor Armstrong, ex-Real Housewife of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” She is getting married in two weeks, is overwhelmed with decisions and wants David to take over for her. She’d like to elope, but has already sent out the invitations. A brief history is given on Taylor, cue the sad music. David thinks Taylor is crazy, but he’s a fan, so he says okay. 

David has a new assistant, Slomique, and they are on their way to meet Taylor and her fiancé, John at a restaurant to discuss the wedding. What they actually discuss is Taylor and her 8 different personalities. Today she’s in Liberace-mode, but tomorrow it could be ski-with-friends-mode. Back to the wedding planning, Taylor wants the theme to be “elegant sexy” but “age appropriate” and definitely not a “hoe-down.” Taylor says, “I’ll be the only ho down.” Good one, Taylor! 

She explains that her first wedding wasn’t something that was celebrated, so she wants this one to be a celebration. Taylor warns David that her Beverly Hills friends are divas, but fun divas if he can keep them happy. After lunch, David reflects with Slomique and says that he gets Taylor. Slomique warns him to watch out; he’s only met personality # 1. 

It’s time to try on dresses, and Taylor is shocked that the dresses are on hangers and on racks. She’s thinking couture. I’m thinking, why wasn’t this the first thing accomplished on the wedding things to-do list. Taylor’s mom is there to see the dresses, her daughter Kennedy, and so is Dwight, who’s hilarious, but he’s not helping. Hopefully, we will see more of Dwight. The first dress looks like something Reba McIntire designed. The second dress is a flat out, no. The third looks like bathroom tile, according to daughter Kennedy. And the fourth dress is a fluffy mess. Panic attack ensues. Taylor announces that she will not look like a fool on her wedding day. That remains to be seen. She storms off, fluff following.

Taylor’s mom is wise enough to shut down the episode of ‘say yes to the dress’ aptly renamed, ‘say no to the pro.’ Taylor asks to speak to David out front. She’s in full meltdown mode. Probably personality #3. David goes for the jugular real issue and asks why Taylor cares more about what other people think? This is about what she thinks. Just then, a TMZ bus rolls up. Taylor snaps from personality #3 to personality #7. She waves, smiles, and tells them to say hi to Harvey. The minute the bus pulls away, Taylor snaps back to personality #3 and asks David if she needs to find another wedding planner. David, this was your out! Not to be out-diva’d, David reassures Taylor that everything will be fine.

For some reason, Taylor wants to talk to David about the wedding at a horse ranch the following day. She is feeling very zen, Not sure what personality number this is, but Taylor says there’s much more to her than Beverly Hills. Taylor tells David that she and John are fighting now, and they never fight. *Cough, cough* Back in the days of Season 1 RHOBH, Taylor felt like a Stepford wife, now she doesn’t. David is the voice of reason and asks the question: Are they ready to get married? In the next few minutes of the heart to heart, David asks why Taylor stayed with Russell for so long. She explains, but speaking ill of the dead feels wrong, so I won’t. They decide that Taylor is a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Taylor tells David that he’s part therapist/part wedding planner. David, raise your fees! 

The wedding day has finally arrived! David predicts that it won’t go smoothly, but do they ever? The wedding venue is behind schedule because of the excessive amount of chandeliers that Taylor insisted on because chandeliers just scream sexy-elegant. There is an issue with a picture hanging high in the room. Slomique doesn’t like it. The girl from the venue says that David knows all about it, understands it can’t be moved, and suggests they just move on with jazz hands for extra drama. Slomique doesn’t like this and reads her like yesterday’s TMZ. Snap! David senses tension. Slomique gives David the day’s instructions and tells him to go be with his bride. Wait a minute. Who’s the boss? Whose show is this? I’m confused. 

Taylor, in a personality number that is pure panic, has arrived. She’s about to cry and hasn’t written her vows. Not to mention, her friends will wear high-heels and what if they sink into the grass? David thinks Taylor needs a drink. No she doesn’t. See prior episodes of Couples Therapy. 

David has a sit-down with Slomique and schools her on who the real boss is. This isn’t high school. Slomique takes it pretty well. Way to nip that in the bud, David!

Back to Taylor and her freak-out session, David tells her that if she’ll be a good, calm girl, he’ll give her a treat. He brings out the dress and Taylor cries and shakes her head. After the commercial, we learn that these are tears of joy. The dress is perfect. Kennedy likes it too. Taylor doesn’t seem in a rush to try it on, so that kind of tells us that she knew it would fit.

John the fiancé takes David aside to tell him he has a surprise he’d like to announce at the reception. David doesn’t like surprises. John says it’s a good one. David gives his permission. As Taylor gets dressed, she confesses that she has still not written her vows. She plans to wing it. David tell her she is a Real Bride, not a Real Housewife. 

At the wedding we see Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Dr. Jenn Berman, and the Maloofs with separate dates. Taylor gives a speech and promises to be way less crazy. Luckily there was no lightning in the area. John’s announcement is that the adoption for Kennedy has come through. And they all live happily ever after…until the next reality show presents itself.

 

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