Real Housewives of New York Reunion Recap, Part I – The Petty Crowd vs. The Loud and Proud

The location? The Grand Ballroom of the Hammerstein Theater, midtown Manhattan. This is the first reunion I can remember immediately following the end of a season. I wonder if the producers are as tired of this season as I am and want it over ASAP. The seating is what I would deem the Petty Crowd (LuAnn, Kristen, 40s styled Heather, and newly blonde Carole) vs. the Loud and Proud (Ramona, Panty wearing Sonja, and Leg-firmly attached Aviva).  I have to say that Mr. Andy Cohen seemed anxious to get the questioning over with, no lingering around  with this guy. I share his (perceived) pain.

Andy comments on the jaw-dropping finale but wants to cover everything that led up to that moment. He begins with a discussion of the taglines. Carole claims that people, women in particular, come up to her and say her tagline. Ramona is put on the spot about her tagline associating her with drinking despite her protestations she’s not a heavy drinker. Kristen comments that her son knows the various tagline and loves the phrase “turtle time.” Kristen defends her tagline as a private joke between her and Josh.

Andy asks if Ramona dated Fabio. Ramona clarifies that he wanted to date her. The Nick Gregory date with Carole comes up and we find out Ramona dated him some 30 years ago. She was asked many times to marry, but refused. Tidbit: She and Mario married when she was  37. When she’s asked how Mario is doing, Ramona says that everyone in her family is fine and she drops the conversation, Andy vows to return to it.

Aviva confirms that George and Cody are still together. Heather’s domination of all things housewives is mentioned (mud race, repelling, etc). Sonja and Ramona referring to LuAnn as LuMan comes up. Sonja chalks it up to her height, the headdresses she wears when performing, and her deep voice, some of Sonja’s friends thought that LuAnn was a drag queen.

Andy says that he thinks that Kristen may be the sharpest tool in the shed despite her tagline and we see her various conflicts, primarily with Ramona and Aviva. The “Shut the F- Up” comment is raised as well as the attack on Aviva for having asthma. The conflict with Heather in Wyoming, as well (which earlier Andy commented that the Wy. conflict seemed to come out of nowhere and be based on nothing). What does Andy return to? The STFU comment from Aviva and that it occurred in front of the children. Ramona adds that Aviva can be full of contradictions. Aviva was upset that the confrontation took place in front of the children – stating that her children hear it at home, she just hopes that there were no children in front of the T.V.  She think that since other mothers have probably used the phrase in front of their children, no harm no foul. The “petty couch” says that there was no confrontation for Aviva to be upset about. Kristen says that since they are going to go round and round and round with it, that maybe Aviva should STFU. Neither Andy nor Aviva seem amused – or Andy may have been stunned.

The Yoland-Brandi lunch comes up. Carole loved the lunch and thought it was fun. Heather and Kristen talk about their fight which still perplexes Andy. The two state that Kristen was feeling the heat from the other women (which women?) and that Heather was the safest target since they had been friends for so long. Aviva gives Heather a compliment, stating, she handled the situation well – with grace. Heather (petty) refuses the compliment stating, it’s backhanded. She thinks it is a setup to take Carole down later.

Ramona is called out on drawing blood when throwing the glass at Kristen in the lake.  Kristen (petty) asks, as Ramona begins answering, if this is another time she’s supposed to wait to speak.  Aviva says that’s true in life and at reunions to let others finish. Kristen (petty) says, “Thanks for letting me know.” Get ready to try to untangle this logic. Ramona says she threw liquid at Kristen while she was in liquid. The “glass” was not glass but plastic. Kristen says hard plastic. Heather says cured plastic. Ramona reiterates that it was plastic. LuAnn was asked how bad it was as a former nurse. Her answer seems to indicate that it seemed worse than it was – there was a gash, but stitches were not needed. Heather talks about the tons of blood. I hate re-living anything to do with the worst three weeks in RHONY history. Ultimately, Ramona thinks that George’s assault, last year, was intentional. What she did to Kristen was an accident, she’s tired of apologizing since she has repeatedly said it’s wrong. She wants to know how many times she can say that.

Ramona is nailed on expecting to be forgiven for her actions but not forgiving so easily. Sonja comes to her defense and says that she is not a judgmental person – she treats her friends like family. LuAnn jumps in to say that she will then claw your eyes out. Laughter from the petty couch.

The TMI moments are displayed – the various conversations about booty calls, blow jobs, orgasms, threesomes,  penis size, George and scrotum waxing, poking, anal, etc.

The facialist comes up. Carole says that she didn’t believe the rumors (though, I swear we heard her say in a previous episode that she talked to Russ and he said he didn’t touch Sonja and wouldn’t out of respect for her). LuAnn is asked if the rumors about her were true. No. Sonja is called out for flirting with Russ instead of him flirting with her. Aviva claims that Carole and Russ had an open relationship and is told to shut up. Carole feels that Sonja acting coy instead of denying the rumors only feeds the gossip. Sonja has said in a past episode that she doesn’t pay heed to any of the gossip, she just likes hearing what the word on the street is about the HW’s.

Andy FINALLY tells Aviva that fans were overwhelmingly negative about George’s behavior and felt that he sexually harassed Ramona. Ramona vows to never be in his presence again. Though offended Ramona says that she does understand why Aviva can’t control her 80-year old father. The women of the petty couch who showed up to his engagement party, joked with him, laughed with him, are now telling Aviva that she encouraged him when she held his engagement party at the museum of sex. Andy asks about Cody’s age and wonders if it freaks Aviva out, it does not. Aviva hoped the relationship with Cody would tame him. Andy asks about sex with a 20-something year old. Sonja is actually tactful and doesn’t want to give details.

Kristen is asked how the blowjob barter system is working out for her. She asks if everyone likes her earrings. She laughs. Oy! LuAnn jokes that she is surprised that Kristen didn’t have four holes in her ears.

Sir Andy comments that Aviva, who has a law degree, walked into every scene armed with evidence as if she was in a courtroom. She sure as hell did! So we begin with the the ghost writer. We see flashbacks to the asthma med scenes, bits of the last episode, etc. Aviva lets us know that she was prepared because Sonja warned her. Heather believes that Aviva has asthma but that she’s exaggerating. She compares her son’s asthma to Aviva’s (you know, because it’s all the same). Carole and Aviva trade senseless barbs. Kristen throws her 2 cents in, when Aviva responds, Kristens covers her ears and gives us la la la la la – I think she really missed out by not being cast on 90210 or some current teen show. LuAnn does not doubt that Aviva has asthma. Carole can’t believe Lu believes her. Sonja wants to know if Aviva can travel to Dubai. She knows royalty there who can get them into the best places. Smirks from the petty couch.

Ramona is asking for water and a straw in the interstitial. Aviva wants wine. From these scenes, the HW’s seem to be a demanding hot mess between question and answer sessions.

Last segment. We start with Sonja being Sonja. Her highs and lows – including the numerous Sonja businesses are presented in flashbacks. As Sonja is talking about her life from age 14 on, LuAnn and Carole are privately “debunking” Sonja’s story with the things they’d heard about her. Heather and Kristen are giving each other “the look.” Sonja talks about how hard it was to move from being a private person to putting so much of her life out there on the show. Sonja notices LuAnn and Carole laughing as she’s talking. LuAnn is whispering to Carole that Sonja is “bipolar” as they laugh. Sonja talks about the 40 plus people she employs. The petty couch tells her, they’ve only seen her interns – her attorneys, trustee lawyer, etc, are not staff. The pile-on keeps going with Andy getting in on the act.

Viewer Q: Sonja is asked why she has lavish parties when there is no hot water, which is cruel to the interns who live with her. We learn that the issue is not about the cost of heating the water. The pipes in her 1890’s home are not safe for dispensing hot water. Apparently, it was filling the fixtures with sediment when the hot water was turned on. The pipes need to be replaced and the parties were comp’d.

When asked what Sonja thinks of Josh’s advice. Sonja is not fond of Josh, apparently. She claims she doesn’t need his advice, she’s paid tens of thousands of dollars to give her advice about branding.  The petty couch, almost in unison, wants to know who would pay her. Sonja says to Kristen that Josh works for P. Diddy, P Diddy comes on her yacht, to which LuAnn and the crew reminds her that she doesn’t have a yacht, any more. Kristen reminds Sonja her husband has his own company now – Sonja snaps back saying she has yet to see Josh’s product in a store. Kristen says it’s everywhere. Sonja was hurt that Kristen joked with Josh about her being delusional, behind her back, when she was so kind to Kristen. Kristen compliments her and tells her that she could sell any ONE thing she puts her name on, but that she is delusional. We see Kristen stand up and sing DELUSIONAL to Sonja. She wants Sonja to know that she’s saying it to her face.

Andy brings up the “grey gardens” attack used against Sonja. She doesn’t mind because she found the women charming, sweet, etc…LuAnn adds that they were also mentally ill.

We end with Andy stating that Sonja has changed since the first season she was on. LuAnn claims she was sucked in by the show. LuAnn claims that Sonja ignored her when she disappeared from season five and heard from her again for season six. LuAnn snaps on Sonja. While Sonja and Ramona claim that Luann is jealous, LuAnn claims that Sonja is jealous of her. More fighting. My God, will this ever end?!?!?!  HECK YES!  I’m in luck, it’s over. Can someone ask my editor if I have to come back for part II or if I can play hooky?

 

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