We open to Vicki meeting up at Tamra’s to go walking. Tams tells Vicki that life is shitty for her and that she feels she’s following in Vicki’s footsteps: divorce, a child with health issues, a surprise in-law wedding. Cue the flashback of the staged moment when Briana and Ryan told Vicki they eloped. Tamra then brings up Shannon’s flipping out at dinner. Vicki says that she thinks Shannon is owed an apology – Tamballs scoffs. Vicki tells Tamra she was a fish out of water and flip flopped between the two sides. The Balls claims she was neutral. I wonder how Heather will react to hearing this. Balls McGee says Shannon was the person out of control. Vicki asks if Tamra remembers ever being out of control – Bravo’s editing monkeys get in on the act and show Tamra screaming wildly at Jeana (#missher) and throwing a drink in her face.
Vicki admits that she, too, has been out of control and that people need to learn how to say they’re sorry, that Tamra should be sorry. Cue the TH of Tams claiming she really likes Shannon, blah, blah, and more blah. She now insinuates that Shannon’s “misdirected anger” should be steered toward David. This woman is a lost cause.
Lizzie is putting her children to bed. She says that she’s realized that you take the kids one at a time, because the kids outnumber her and will work her ass. She takes care of the baby (Kingston) first, and plans to get Preston, next. Hilarious. She and Christian discuss her birthday party. Lizzie knows that Shannon isn’t feeling well and may not be there. Heather is going to see Britney Spears in Vegas for her birthday. Lizzie says that Shannon knows she’s been a “spazz” and that Shannon needs a friend. Shannon is just confused, she has been betrayed.
Heather talks with Natalie, her assistant, about planning a Valentine’s Day party. We learn that Shannon and David, Vicki and Brooks, can’t make it. Zany, madcap Heather wants a saucy, not raunchy, game of truth of dare. From a book, they discuss questions about giving a dirty sanchez, dutch oven, and golden showers. Heather has heard of a golden shower, but has to look the others up (wink wink) and GASP! PEARLS ClUTCHED! Heather is horrified and amused. Pass. Where is Vicki to snooze on this crap?
Lizzie’s “stripper party bus” arrives and she and Christin say goodbye to the kiddos. They’re kept waiting. Shannon calls and can’t make it, asking for a rain check. Tamra says her daughter is sick and she can’t make it. Lizzie is not happy that Tamra didn’t tell her this earlier in the day. It’s really a sad scene that no one has shown for Lizzie’s party. It looks as if only Vicki and Brooks are showing up. Christian toasts to them at dinner. Lizzie brings up how much she likes Brooks despite his bad rap. In a TH we learn that Tamra told everyone he’s not such a nice guy. Vicki tells Lizzie how Tamra hurt her by going to Briana about Brooks with lies. Had that not happened, Vicki believes that she and Briana would be a lot farther along in regards to Brooks. Vicki adds, in a TH, that being friends with Tamra is complicated.
I don’t know what Tamra said to Briana that wasn’t true, but I’m guessing that Vicki is discounting two very important issues: Briana read, she says, the emails from Brooks telling her to leave Donn and 2- she probably read the articles about Brooks’ own “complicated history” that were widely reported in the press. I see Tamballs as a pretty awful human being, and even I don’t think this one was purely her fault. I doubt things would have been any different without her, but we will never know.
Tamra stops and visits Heather and the puppies. They are each excited about Heather’s Valentine’s day dinner. Heather and Terry have been together for 15 years and she would like to take a trip to celebrate their anniversary but Terry is too busy. Newlyweds, Tamra and Eddie, have not taken a honeymoon, though Tamra notes they traveled all the time before they were married. I’m thinking about her earlier complaint that he wanted children prior to getting married, as well. Heather discusses what will entice him to want to go, then we feel the heavy hand of the producers as the women talk about taking a trip together if the husbands won’t come along. They think Bali looks good. Heather calls Vicki to invite her. Vicki isn’t as enthused as Tamra initially thought. Vicki doesn’t know anything about Bali and wants to make sure that if Danielle and Lizzie are coming, that Shannon is invited. The queens of mean decide that they have to explain to Shannon that outbursts are not appropriate and Heather, in a TH says, she doesn’t want to be yelled at. The words “f*ck you” come to mind as I watch them act as if their hands are clean.
Lizzie and Ghost Danielle are driving together, poetically planning to pick up more luggage, as they talk about the trip to Bali. Danielle is irritated with Vicki and decides that she’s not going to let things go – asking Lizzie if she wants to be dumb or dumber. Turns out, thank you sound producers, that Vicki, prior to getting on the party bus, says that she can’t believe she has to hang out with dumb and dumber (causing Lizzie to roll her eyes) and then hops on all smiles and enthusiastic. SO Vicki! Lizzie feels that Vicki has said so many dumb things, she’ll just chalk it up to one more. She wants to see if they can continue to get along. Danielle did show up for dinner, but either she bored the producers so much they decided to not air it or she arrived much later than Vicki and Brooks. Lizzie talks about Tamra being deceitful – that she knows Tamballs just didn’t want to come to her dinner. She says enough people warned her about Tams. She sees it now.
Shannon is helping Sophie pack for her trip to Italy with her Latin class. She buys David and Sophie a busload of items for the trip. I think scaring Sophie in the process: compression socks, neck pillows, natural remedies for relaxation and illness… all Sophie wanted was to pack clothes. Sophie jokingly tells Shannon she should write a travel book. I think it’s snark. Shannon thinks maybe she should.
The Valentine’s Day dinner has arrived. Lizzie, Danielle and their spouses are the first guests to arrive. Then Tams and Eddie – noting that the dinner is at the St. Regis – where they were married. Tamra looks distressed at the game trees Heather has set up and references the game questions from the bridal shower – the flashback is of Vicki stating that if Tamballs was an appliance, she would be a blender because she likes stirring shit up. Lizzie takes that moment to tell Tams that Vicki said Tamra didn’t want to come to her birthday dinner. In a TH, Tamra misdirects her anger at Lizzie instead of Vicki. Heather is not happy that Lizzie opened her party with conflict… Whaaaaaaa? Really, lady? Tamra is defensive and reminds everyone her daughter was sick and Lizzie states she still wishes she’d known earlier. That comment earns Lizzie the “Tamglare”… and no one is afraid. DONE!
In the interstitial, Shannon and David are having dinner and she is complaining about David’s potato with his meal. She doesn’t want the girls thinking they have to eat that way – a starch at every meal like dad. Oddly enough, she says that she doesn’t want to give the girls a complex about what they eat. When David says, it’s the Michigan in him, Shannon replies that she would bet that they could get ten women from California her age, and ten from Michigan, and the California women would look younger. Et tu, Shannon? What is it with these women thinking they live at the center of the universe?
Heather looks annoyed when Terry and Eddie (and then Tamra) start making popping sounds using rose petals. Eddie has a huge bouquet delivered to the table – which I think means the other husbands are going to be in trouble later. It was a nice surprise and sweet. Talk turns to the trip and the “lesbian honeymoon” Heather and Tamra have planned. The rest of the talk turns to Shannon and her having a “break” Heather wants to hear something rational and good from Shannon. She at least admits that “some” of her behavior was juvenile that night – she still refuses to say she was out of line. The questions begin, Tams would take one million to post nude. Eddie would “let” her do it for $50. The requisite “freak” question comes up and the Judges keep it classy. Tamra asks whether Danielle does anal. Danielle’s husband does not look amused. Heather asks if Tams does anal. Lizzie replies Tamra does it all. Eddie says she does anal when she’s drunk. I’m wondering why I ate dinner so late and just before this show. Heather sees this as a bonding happy moment.
Shannon is helping David pack now. Shannon embarrasses Sophie by saying she’s a woman when David asks why she has so many toiletries. Sophie says that she is NOT yet a woman (good kid). Shannon, making the mother of all mother faux pas, says that she could become one while on the trip. Yes, your mother discussing the possibility of your first menstrual cycle on national television is every girl’s dream. Sophie and David are horrified, for different reasons. David is reassured when Shannon tells him that she’s instructed Sophie on what to do should it happen. There is joking on the way to the airport, hugs and sweet goodbyes at the airport. I love this family. Shannon is sad thinking of how fast the time is going and that in six years Sophie will be leaving home. She hugs the twins closer.
More Tamra and Heather. WHY? Tams is still hungover from the night before. They’re back to talking about Shannon, again, and there is more bullshit about their plan to see if she’s trip worthy. Vicki joins them. Shannon arrives shortly after. Tamra wants to know what’s new with Shannon, she hasn’t spoken to her in forever. Tacky tacky! Heather begins talking about Bali, Hindu culture, reincarnation and salvation. She feels that she and Shannon are on an unhealthy cycle and wants to see if they can find their salvation. Shannon agrees to go on the vacation and Vicki cheers. Although they snarked on Shannon never being on a girls trip, last week, Heather admits that prior to meeting Tamra and Vicki, she had never been on a girls’ trip before, either. The Vicki-Shannon and Tamra-Heather divide is so clear.
Let’s see what shakes out next week in Bali.