Game of Crowns Recap: Losers Buffet [Episode 4]

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Another episode! If it feels just like yesterday you were watching this group of out of control pageant queens and wannabes, that’s because it was. Bravo aired “Game of Crowns,” on a special night and time, which has me worried that the series hasn’t found its footing in terms of viewers. Yikes! 

Tonight’s episode opens with Susanna Pailotta and her daughter Isabella. They’re shopping for dresses at her stylist, Anthony’s store. Don’t forget about Anthony, as he is going to end up playing a much bigger role towards the end of the episode. Susanna needs a dress for the upcoming charity pageant, “Ms. New England States.” While there, Susanna’s 20 year old daughter, Victoria, arrives. We’re told that Susanna fell in love with pageants because they saved Victoria’s life by renewing her self-worth after a very traumatic bullying incident that left Victoria hospitalized and needing reconstructive surgery. 

Game of Crowns

We then see Leha heading to confront Vanassa and Shelley Carbone about the hurtful comments that Lynne told her about. Arriving at Shelley’s house, the ladies take a seat outside in Shelley’s backyard gazebo. Leha recounts her sits-downs, don’t worry Leha, we’re horrified and exhausted too. Once she reveals to Vanassa and Shelley what Lynne said, the ladies actually admit to it and apologize. Excuse me while I pick myself up from the floor. Accountability? On Bravo? Everyone do me a favor and check to see if the sky has fallen. Shelley and Vanassa are livid that Lynne gave them up. 


Next up is Lynne. We find her at “work,” even though I’m not convinced she actually does anything resembling work. She apparently works with her husband and the two have a chat about their annual vow-renewal ceremony. This all stems from Lynne just wanting to get away from the actual memory of their wedding, due to her father dying so close to it. 

Just as I’m mustering up the tiniest bit of sympathy for Lynne, she ruins it by bringing up Leha. Her husband assures her the whole thing is probably just because Leha is jealous. Jealous? Of what? Of bad blue hair and a tea salon? I think not. 

Vanassa and her husband arrive at Foxwoods Resort Casino which Vanassa’s husbands owns part of. Another cute scene. The pair, along with Vanassa’s daughter, spend some quality-family time by going bowling. Over some pizza, Vanassa’s husband thinks she should compete in the “Ms. New England States” competition and proves he has full-confidence in his wife. At the end, he “convinces” her to go ahead with the pageant. 

Game of Crowns

Shelley has a private sit-down with Lynne. She’s hurt that Lynne threw her under the bus. Lynne’s eyes get big, her head starts wobbling, and she tries to get herself out of another complicated situation. She convinces Shelley that it was just something that came up during the heat-of-the-moment and wasn’t intentional. Shelley forgives her. Lynne, running as fast as she can from the subject, asks Shelley to read a poem during her annual vow-renewal ceremony. 

All the ladies are converging for “Ms. New England States.” Neither Leha nor Lynne are excited to see one another. Leha, winning this episode’s award of most observant, makes the comment that Lynne is always claiming to be the victim while being the person actually stirring the sh*t up. 

As not to forget about her, though it’s getting hard not to, Lori-Ann Marchese is burning some sage before heading off to the competition. 

When the ladies arrive they are given a walk tutorial for the pageant. Everything seems calm for now but then in walks Vanassa. Up until this point the other ladies had thought that Vanassa wasn’t competing. Susanna completely chalks it all up to the “politics” of the pageant world, because Vanassa is totally Facebook Besties with some of the judges. Lynne, whose hair is looking awfully green instead of its usual nauseating blue, is annoyed that Leha and Vanassa are being friendly. How dare they, in Lynne’s words, be “closer than two balls hanging out underneath a dick.” 

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Susanna is still b*tching about Vanassa being late to Lori-Ann. She just wants everyone to be treated fairly! The two chat, and Vanassa admits she changed her mind at the last minute, but Susanna couldn’t care less. Vanassa, being a first-rate shade thrower, laughs in Susanna’s face and says “sorry, not sorry.” Susanna is just annoyed. She tries to get away with saying she didn’t even come to win, but Vanassa doesn’t let that one slide by and makes the point that no one comes to eat the “loser’s buffet.” 


In the most ridiculous scene of the night, Lynne, feeling threatened by the fact that Leha and Vanassa are being so nice to each other, heads straight for Vanassa and presents her with a gift of a glittery, I can’t believe I’m typing this word, cuchini, because, according to Lynne, Vanassa clearly needs it more than her. Ouch. A disturbed looking Vanassa wants nothing to do with it. 

Anthony, Susanna’s stylist, approaches Vanassa. Vanassa doesn’t even want to talk to him because it’s his fault that Susanna wore the same outfit on the flight to the “Mrs. America” pageant. It’s true, but seriously, this again? Let it go already. Her mission, she grins, is to make him feel like an ass. 

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It’s show-time! The thirst for the crown is on! During the competition, Shelley is in the audience “supporting” the ladies as she’s basically retired from competing. She notes that she’s happy to observe that Lori-Ann is being more true to herself this time around.  After the intro-walk, bathing suit competition, and the evening gown competition, the finalists are revealed. Vanassa, Lori-Ann, Lynne, and Leha all make it as finalists. Susanna, winning Ms. Sour Grapes, is pissed that they weren’t judged on their charities. She raised the most money! She should be up there! 

Susanna sits in the back, scowling, while the finalist reveal more about their charities. The winners are announced, and third runner-up goes to Lori-Ann, while second runner-up goes to Leha. It’s down to Vanassa and Lynne. Vanassa is not pleased that she’s anywhere near Lynne. The first runner-up goes to Lynne which means that Vanassa is “Ms. New England States” 2013. Susanna holds her head from spinning, but you already know what’s coming. 

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Backstage, Lori-Ann isn’t happy about 4th place and reminds us for the 1000000th time that this just isn’t her thing. Susanna, still pissed, confronts Vanassa about snubbing Anthony. Is he a child? Vanassa tries to explain herself, but Susanna isn’t in the mood to be pointed at. Arguing ensues, and the notorious outfit-gate is brought up. Shelley, like the rest of us, can’t believe the outfit is even a thing anymore. This goes nowhere fast and Vanassa storms off to get her husband. To be continued! Next week looks to be interesting! 

Game of Crowns

Let me know what you thought!

Jamie V 

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