Game of Crowns Recap: Apple Trees Don’t Grow Pears [Episode 3]

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Episode three of “Game of Crowns” opens with a peak into Shelley Carbone’s home life. Out of all the titles she’s held, being a mother and a wife are easily her proudest. She loves cooking and cleaning and doesn’t care if that makes her a stereotypical 50’s housewife. It’s a cute scene that serves as a nice palate cleanser after last week’s episode. 

Over at Lynne Diamante’s, Shelley and Susanna Paliotta arrive with their daughters for a tea party in Lynne’s brand new, not at all ridiculous, tea salon. Yes, you read that correctly. Lynne built herself a tea room. Susanna’s daughter, Isabella, bounces around the room while she touts it’s just Isabella being her own person and so there’s clearly nothing that can be done. 

Game of Crowns

Shelley, serving as this week’s Greek chorus, doesn’t understand who even has a tea salon. While the girls depart from their mothers, Susanna invites Shelley and her daughters to a fashion show that Isabella will be headlining and performing her “hit” song LOL; more on that later. The conversation switches to the Mrs. America competition. None of the ladies have heard from Leha Guilmette and Lynne just doesn’t understand why! The lie about Nick threatening to kill Lynne is resurrected and Shelley flat out denies that it ever happened. She tells Lynne and Susanne that she never heard it. 

Don't Be Tardy

Leha arrives at Vanassa Sebastian’s house. The ladies talk about the upcoming pageant and Vanassa worries she’s fifteen pounds too heavy. Vanassa brings up “Nickgate” and tells Leha that Lynne is lying because after a night full of talking sh*t that is the one thing that never came up. Leha isn’t sure how she can ever forgive Lynne. Vanassa reveals to Leha about Susanna’s accusation that Nick is physically abusive. Leha is understandably mortified at the allegation. Both ladies agree that Susanna does whatever it takes to be the center of attention and that she can’t be trusted.  

Meanwhile, Lori-Ann Marchese and her adorable mother, Enza, are making homemade meatballs. Lori-Ann announces that John wants a baby and proceeds to utter the most sick-inducing sentence by linking the words John, plants, and seed all together. During dinner, she talks about the next pageant and is tired of everyone telling her that she doesn’t fit the mold of the pageant-world. She’s mostly upset about the advice that Vanassa gave her; feeling that the advice was completely hypocritical and wrong. 

In the episode’s most cringe-worthy scene, Susanna is helping Isabella prepare for the big fashion show. Isabella will be performing a song that they wrote together, because you know, at the age of 7, Isabella has retired from the world of pageants and has now taken her “career” in the obvious direction of modeling and singing. Of course she has. This all wreaks of over obsessed stage-mom syndrome and Susanna is patient zero. The song, Susanna tells us, was something they co-wrote together because of ALL those haters who said Isabella would never amount to anything. Now look at her! Susanna exhausts me. Channeling Amy Poehler’s character from “Mean Girls,” Susanna hovers over her daughter’s every dance move. She’s just so inspired by her daughter’s fame. 

Shelley arrives at the fashion show and is clearly horrified by everything she sees. She wonders what she’s gotten her daughters into as she witnesses the other girls working the cat walk. She believes it’s just too much exposure at such a young age and she’s absolutely correct. After the fashion show, Isabella performs her song. Shelley doesn’t get it, Susanna lurks in the shadows, silently wishing that she were Isabella, and I have a headache. 

Game of Crowns

Now comes the most jaw dropping moment of the night. Vanassa holds a Master’s in Biology with a specialty in anesthesia and is a certified RN. I admit, I had Vanassa completely wrong. She calls up Shelley to invite her to a future Breast Cancer walk as she won’t be competing in the Miss New England Sates competition, but still wants to promote her cause. 

Next up, Susanna and her husband Tony are meeting with Leha and Nick to clear the air. Susanna just wants everything resolved. She doesn’t like that so many people are out there spreading rumors. Never mind the fact that she’s the one responsible for those rumors. Things are pretty cordial when Leha and Nick arrive. Tony even excitedly tells Nick that he ordered rolls. Then the conversation gets going. Leha feels the bet was hurtful and Susanna can see why the situation has turned into something much bigger. 

I’m seeing a pattern with Susanna and it’s one I don’t like. Now that it’s just her and Leha, she tells Leha that she was her biggest supporter at the Mrs. America pageant and tacks on every piece of flattery she can think to say. 

Game of Crowns

Nick brings up the allegations that are being said about him. Tony is refreshingly sane and argues that people say stupid things when they get mad and it shouldn’t be taken seriously. He urges for everyone to just look at the whole thing as a big misunderstanding and to move on. Can Tony tag along to all the events from now on? Also, how the hell did he end up with Susanna

Leha isn’t quite done yet. She’s upset. People are starting to call her and ask if she’s okay because of the rumors swirling that Nick beats her. With no surprise what so ever, Susanna completely backpedals and denies the whole thing. Susanna doesn’t understand why she’s even involved, you know, despite being the one who actually said Nick was abusive. Instead, she puts the whole blame on Lynne. She tells Leha that Lynne told her a story involving Leha having a black-eye. Leha calls bullsh*it and Nick wants to figure out who is saying what. 

It’s now time for Lynne and Leha to have their sit down. Lynne tells Leha she’s willing to listen and provide honest answers, but of course none of that happens. Leha only wants Lynne to answer truthfully about Nick supposedly threatening to kill her. At no point does Lynne ever provide a clear, honest answer. Instead, she deflects every question. Every time Leha tries to pin her down, Lynne brings up something completely different. She even goes so far as to throw the other women under the bus by telling Leha about the 40-footer and Manish comments that were being said. Massive props to Leha for not taking the bait. That’s not why she’ there. 

Game of Crowns

Lynne, resembling a sociopath, robotically wants to know what the resolution is. Leha, however, is done. Bottom line, there isn’t one and as far as Leha’s concerned there is no friendship. Lynne says that she will grieve the loss of their friendship but I doubt at this point if Lynne is even capable of having feelings. 

Let me know what you think in the comments below! Whose side are you on? Team Lynne? Team Leha? Possibly a team Susanna? Or, like me, Team Tony? Until next time! 

Jamie V 


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