Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Joe May Be Going On Vacation To A Federal Resort [Episode 2]

‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY. It’s Christmas time for “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” At the Giudice home it’s time to decorate. The girls aren’t interested in helping. Shocking! Teresa says that it is nice staying at home for once and being out of the public eye. If being out of the public eye is being on a reality show then Ohkaaaayyyy. She tells us, “They are trying to stay normal. They are normal.” Yes, normal people commit 40+ Federal crimes to live a lifestyle that they can’t afford. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!

Over at the Gorga’s, Joe is dragging out all of the decorations. Oh look its giant poinsettias. Those are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen. Throw them on the fire and roast s’mores over those things. The Gorga’s say they are “shacking it up in a rental house.” It is SO not the mansion they were living in before. Oh the horror. But Melissa says “It’s not that bad.”

At Tuh-ressa and Nicole’s parent’s home, the whole family is there to help decorate. Mom’s name is Santa. That’s right. Santa. But not as in Claus. As in Son-ta. Dad’s name is Sal. Tuh-ressa is gushing about her son Giovanni. She says he could go anywhere in the world for schooling. He wants to take after his father and go into the restaurant business but doesn’t want to go to college. She thinks no one can teach him the biz better than Rino because he’s the best. Sal gives a very long toast about tradition. Cue Vicki from RHOC to start snoring. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he needs a cigarette.

Over at Amber’s, she is barking orders at the kids trying to put together a Gingerbread house. She used to think kids were disgusting beings with their snot and throw up. Now she enjoys it and she takes her job as a parent seriously. Everything needs to be perfect and controlled. Camera cuts to the kids hyped up on sugar. Control THAT Amber!

Dina is hoping for a lot of divorce therapy sessions and Percocet this Christmas. They are having an outdoor tree because one of the ugly animals inside knocks it over. Lexi is getting ready for college. Dina’s mom and sister Fran are there too.

Joe Giudice needs a drink after setting up decorations. Teresa tells him that people were talking about her at the Harvest party. He tells her they “Will prove ourselves not guilty, they can have any opinion they want, we know who we are. We have four great kids.” He tears up. She wants it all to be resolved soon. It’s hanging over them. And it will for a long time, unfortunately. They cheer to the haters and the ones who love them.

Nicole and Dina are meeting for a meal. Nicole says Dina is strong and they have a lot in common. Then she talks about how popular kale is these days. Dina checks her teeth with the knife. She tells Nicole that she hasn’t dated in 20 years. Nicole left her husband 4 years ago and felt empowered. Dina wants a companion now that her daughter is leaving for college. It’s scary for her. Dina never pictured her life at 40 starting over. Nicole was devastated at her divorce. She doesn’t have exact details of what happened but in her heart and soul she knew it was over. From the looks of the previews, we will see what was rumored to have happened. She moved back in with her parents to rebuild her life.

They talk about Amber’s party. Dina says Amber is sweet. Nicole says there was a lot of tension over who they invited. They talk about how precious her children are. Nicole says they call her auntie so she can’t say too much about one incident then she says Amber is OCD. I think I’ve got your number Nicole. Dina says “Amber Alert.”  They chuckle.

Speaking of Amber they are having a fire drill at their house. She has heard of all kinds of stories about fires at Christmas due to lights and Christmas trees. She thinks about the worst case scenarios and how to prepare for them. She and her husband blow a horn and time how long it takes the kids to get out of the house. Hey nothing says Merry Christmas like a good old fire drill. Next they move to the fire ladder hanging from one of the second story windows. Amber’s husband tells her she can jump in the hot tub if you need to. They talk to the kids about what they did right and wrong during the drill. What they did wrong during the drill would have caused them to be burned and fried. Okay, who wants egg nog?

Gorga’s are looking at the lot where Joe will be building their new home. It will be a lot like their old house but a little more LA chic, Melissa says. She doesn’t know what that means exactly but that is what she is telling everyone. Teresa calls Joe. She and Dina are in the neighborhood. He invites her over to see the property. While they are waiting, Melissa tells Joe that she feels like he should pee on the property. Oh those girls in Beverly Hills would have a field day with this. They got upset over a small child peeing on the ground. Teresa and Dina pull up. Joe shows Teresa the plans for the house. In her TH, Teresa says, since Joe married Melissa they have lived in a lot of houses. Her kids don’t want to move. Moving is Gorga thing.

Joe asks Tre how she is doing. She says they are taking things day by day. She was at Costco and a stranger came up to her and told her that she was praying for her and that she has a lot of love and support. Joe offers his support to her and says he doesn’t know what to say. Teresa says that the lawyers are handling it. She tells us that it was nice he asked. It’s actually nice to see them getting along.

She says Gia is the only one of the kids who knows what’s going on. She says no one’s life is perfect and that you go through stuff and you come back stronger. She also said “I’m not in denial. I’m not stupid. I know what’s going on but I’m not going to deteriorate because she wants to teach the girls how to be strong.” Joe wants to hug her but not get emotional so he fist pumps her instead. Teresa screeches she isn’t a dude.

Antonio, Tuh-ressa’s kitchen designer comes over. They are starting a new restaurant. Rino knows his way around the kitchen but she knows her way around fabrics and decor. Antonio likes tablecloths because there is a lot that goes on under them that other people don’t want to see.“We dance great together,” Tuh-ressa says about her relationship with her, ehm, designer. The restaurant should be a sexy place.

Rino and Giovanni go to their restaurant, “Angelo’s.” Rino talks to him about the business and it starts in the kitchen. Tuh-ressa AGAIN tells us how much Giovanni loves the restaurant business. At this point I’m thinking it’s more the parents dream and less his dream. While teaching him how to make pasta, he compares it “like a woman the heat comes from underneath.” There was more of that talk but I lost any interest and hoped someone called the health department. God only knows what goes on in that kitchen. Just saying.

Melissa and Joe meet Rosie, Kathy and Rich at a restaurant. They are waiting for Teresa and Joe for a cousin Christmas dinner. Kathy asks if they’ve seen Teresa. Melissa tells them they have and that “She’s staying positive.” Rosie says you have to stay positive in a situation like that because otherwise you crumble. Rich asks Joe if he is staying positive too. He says yeah. Kathy says in her TH, she was in Italy when the news broke about Joe and Teresa. She called, no text, Tre right away.

They arrive and everyone is all kissy kissy. Rosie says she can’t help but think of the children. She prays everything works out. Joe Giudice tells Gorga they have a good team. Melissa wants Tre to let her in more and how she wished Teresa knew how much she wanted to be there for her.

Time to open gag gifts. Joe Gorga gets a fruit cake. Rosie says it’s from one fruit to another. Kathy gets, well, I’m not sure what she got. I think it was a Horny vibrator??? Whatever it was, it was funny.  Teresa gets a dictionary. “You need that!” Melissa screams. Teresa gives her a look and says she is Italian and proud of it. She’ll give it to her kids. Melissa makes a toast. She is happy they are all together. And it was nice to see them all together as a family enjoying themselves. Its a few years too late though I’m afraid.

Rino and Tuh-ressa are hosting family dinner. They are having lobster tails and steak. Rino is again talking about Giovanni getting into the business. Seriously enough with this kid and getting into the business. He says you can’t just be a star. You have to know how to cook. Sal gives a prayer that talks about; yes you guessed it, tradition. Nicole tells the table she had to get off the phone with boyfriend, Bobby, last night because mommy kept yelling. Santa says no, she wasn’t yelling. They talk about Nicole moving out. Nicole isn’t ready to move out of her parents’ home. Santa says she isn’t ready for her to go but will deal with the separation anxiety and get a bout of IBS when the time goes. Nicole doesn’t like change. She isn’t going to move in with Bobby because “why buy the milk when you can get the calf for free.” Or is it “Why buy the calf when you can get the milk for free?” I don’t know. In any event, she won’t be moving in with him until they are married.

It’s Christmas day at Giudice’s. Unlike last season, Joe is actually up and participating. Teresa tells the girls to open one present at a time so everyone can see your presents. Chaos erupts as they all tear into the gifts. There were princesses, easy bake ovens, barbies, clothes and toy puppies. They wanted a real one. Suddenly and right on cue, they hear a dog barking. They run into the other room and find a real puppy by fireplace. What should they name it? Sophia? Bianca? Fluffy?

Nicole’s making mimosas. December is an emotional month for her. She shares custody with her ex. He gets the kids on Christmas day. Bobby (BF) comes over it’s their 1^st Christmas together. He gives her a present. It’s a wine bottle holder shaped like a shoe. Santa says she saw one like that at the pharmacy. He looks defeated. Nicole says what a man gives at Christmas is very telling. It is indeed. Adios Bobby.

At Melissa’s she is trying to get Antonia to drink hot cocoa. She doesn’t like it she wants orange juice. She asks Joe if the snow will affect building their house.  He says no as long as weather is 35 degrees and above. He complained he needed a hearing to get permits. He tells us that the rental isn’t what she is accustomed to. Mel hates new house. It’s so small she has to keep shoes in kitchen cabinet. They all go outside to go sledding. She runs to stick her tongue on a pole. She tells us “Contrary to popular belief she is not the master of the pole.”

Teresa and Joe go to say goodnight to their four beautiful daughters. They are all sleeping together with the puppy which Milania has and won’t let go of. They scold the girls to not fight that the most important thing is right there. Joe Giudice is lighting a fire. He gives Tre a card. In it he writes “I can’t imagine a life, a home or a Christmas without you,” she cries. He wishes they didn’t have “those little issues.” Little issues? They need to keep fighting the charges and making money. He is happy she is strong as she is and not crying all of the time. He wouldn’t even want to come home if she were that way. He says that worst case, if for whatever reason he has to go say wherever, say vacation, say college; he thinks about his girls and who will take care of them. She needs him, they need him around always and they can’t function without him. Shouldn’t they have thought about all of this when they were forging documents. To end the episode, Teresa says, despite what people say, this will not be their last Christmas together.

Until next week – Reality LuLu

 

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