At the start of this week’s “Botched,” we meet Toby Sheldon, a German who has spent $100,000 in a futile attempt to look like Justin Bieber. He acknowledges that others would consider that chunk of change better spent a down payment for a house in the hills or even a porche, he seems content with his decision.
His dream of resembling an 18 year old Bieb has led him onto the O.R. gurney for marathon of surgery – cheeks, temples, chin lift, and liposuction to name a few. Apparently his girlfriend’s reaction (are we really supposed to beliebe he has a girlfriend) was, “damn, what the hell did you do?” He still wants a forehead and jaw reduction. Toby hopes to someday meet his teen idol. He just doesn’t want Justin to say “what’s that creepy old dude doing?”
Meanwhile, in soulless southern California suburb, we meet Charlotte, a 29 year old married mother who is suffering from a severe case of “grandma boobs.” She had her first boob job at 17, because it was the “in thing to do.”After having two boys, she noticed her boobs were sitting a little lower. Wanting the best for his little girl, her dad sold his beloved boat to pay for her new triple D’s. Sadly, they did not come out as planned, and with her sister-in-law’s wedding on the horizon, she is hoping to correct her botched bustline in time to be a bridesmaid in a strapless dress. Charlotte and her husband arrive for a consultation with Dr’s. Dubrow and Nassif. Dr. Dubrow warns Charlotte that there is a risk that if they remove too much skin and restrict blood supply, they could potentially “kill the nipple-” which means it turns black and falls off! Cue screams and gasps!
As if that weren’t scary enough, as they examine her, the doctors discover that one implant is upside down.
After the break we see Toby in his recording booth where he lays down tracks of what can loosely be described as music. According to him, making music is a talent “you can’t learn. It’s just something I’ve come to master.” Hm…questionable. We are treated to a painful performance of one of his mediocre melodies.
A few of the incredible lyrics:
“I just can’t believe how good I feel….I haven’t felt this good in years….I’m in charge of my face?”
Toby loves everything about Justin Bieber. Among Justin’s many attributes are his “full luscious lips.”
Next we see Charlotte, who is dress shopping with her sister in law – a stressful outing, given her need for a dress with supportive straps. Meanwhile, her mother-in-law, who has no room to comment on anyone’s appearance, is ridiculing her. The bridesmaid dress is selected – and of course it’s a strapless pistachio number.
Next we are introduced to Desiree, a disarmingly candid woman who had a tummy tuck 12 years ago in Mexico. Based on her mother’s recommendation, she selected a Tijuana surgeon who charged $2500 compared to the $6800 an American surgeon would have charged. Sadly the bargain basement procedure left her “cootchie” in the middle of her stomach. During her consultation, she reveals that there was no anesthesiologist present during her tummy tuck. Instead, nurses laid a sheet of ice on either side of her abdomen. Yikes!
Desiree’s dream is that her stomach look flat and her vagina be put back in its proper place…a modest proposal. Dr. Dubrow does much of the heavy lifting, explaining the butchery she underwent south of the border/belly button, along with the steps needed to correct it. Dr. Nassif looks on in amused curiosity.
On Charlotte’s surgery day, she seems more nervous about meeting the deadline for donning her sister-in-law’s chosen bridesmaid frock than undergoing potentially fatal surgery. As the operation begins, Dr. Dubrow says it’s a bit of a mystery as to what he might “find in there.” What he does find are implants that weigh in at a whopping 600cc’s. And one of them is upside down! Holy inverted implant! He downsizes her implants to 375 cc’s and removes enough skin to “line a football.” Touchdown!
Desiree arrives at the office with her mother Carolyn, who is still feeling guilty for recommending that “doctor” in Mexico. She grills Dr. Dubrow about his education and experience. As Desiree is wheeled into surgery, Dr. Dubrow seems confident that he will put her lady bits back where they belong. He removes enough fat for a large implant, notes that there is a hole in her abdomen large enough to make a – you guessed it – “football.”
Before he stitches her up he adds that it’s big enough to “stick Dr. Nassif’ head in there.” She should be bikini ready in no time.
Toby, the thirty-something aspiring Bieber-barbie, finally arrives for his consultation, describes all of his previous and procedures and proposes a few more. The doctors explain the extreme risk involved in a jaw reduction; you could end up with Sly Stalone -esque perma-sneer. They advise against it and turn him away.
As Charlotte arrives for her post-op consultation, she is concerned about her nipples, presumably that they’re still attached. Dr. Dubrow gives her an examination and finds not only are her nipples still alive, she can wear that hideous green strapless dress to the wedding!!!
During Desiree’s post-op we learn that although she’s constipated, she now has a beautiful belly button and an appropriately positioned cootchie. Success! She celebrates by donning a crop top and visiting mummy dearest.
It’s Charlotte’s turn next as she debuts her new boobs at her sister-in-law’s wedding. Everyone is thrilled, including her husband. Her before and after shots are revealed for the world to see.