On tonight’s episode of “Real Housewives of Orange County,” Shannon has fed the children and is ready to get packing when David arrives home. The couple is joining Vicki and Brooks in Mexico. Oh my goodness! Some dirty bastard at Bravo has figured out how to force me to watch Vicki and Brooks together by having Shannon and David join them on vacation. Oh, you’re good, Bravo producers, you’re good. What could have turned into a fight, a discussion about Shannon’s wardrobe choices, turns into unexpected hugging and kissing. Dare we hope they keep it up?
We are in Heather’s kitchen and she’s with her girls. Heather has a chef come in – citing her lack of cooking skills. NICE! I wish I had a personal chef. Heather is telling her assistant about the blowout with Shannon – which is the same as every other time she’s told that story: Shannon was wild-eyed, snarling, dripping blood from her fangs and scaring the children (who still have nightmares) so she had to be thrown out – or words to that effect. Heather has heard that Shannon is off to Mexico with Vicki and Brooks, and hopes that Vicki remembers that she is HER friend, should Shannon talk and tell stories about her. She thinks that when Shannon is around, Vicki and Tams are not her friend. Attention turns back to the children. Nelse is a hit. The children, whom Heather describes as “little foodies” love the meal and one of them says it was the best food they’ve ever had. Nelse passed “the test,” suggesting this was his tryout for the role of permanent personal chef.
In Mexico, Vicki has a chef (Victor) preparing food for her, Brooks, Michael, Shannon and David. Vicki’s Spanish is about what you would expect. She thinks that having the Beadors around healthy couples could help them. Scoff all you want, dear readers, but I’m telling you she actually used the words “healthy couples” and apparently includes her relationship with Brooks. Screw YOU, Bravo producers. This is SO wrong. If it weren’t for the Beadors, I would have already fast-forwarded this mess by the time the word ‘healthy’ finished passing Vicki’s lips. Vicki is aware of the Beadors’ issues thanks to Tamra. We see a previously unaired clip of Tamra talking to Vicki (over the phone) about David’s email – claiming that he was leaving Shannon. The discussion concludes with Tamra saying to Vicki, “don’t tell anyone.” Yeah.
Vicki sets Shannon up in the “small” guest room. Vicki is embarrassed and Shannon pretends she’s ok with the room size. She is not. I think it’s fine, but since it’s the approximate size of their girl’s hidden playroom, maybe, my guess is that Shannon feels claustrophobic. Shannon says she hasn’t been in a double bed since high school. Seriously, Shannon, #biggerfish. They learn that Michael doesn’t have a room. They plan to use that as their excuse to move to a hotel. Vicki is on to them and is not having it. She even offers them her own room, if the guest room is too small. She tells them her son is fine on the couch #toughlove. She tells them she wants to hear the springs squeaking in the middle of night. #healthy. They are stuck. Damn-it-all ::crying:: so am I.
Tamra and Eddie are still parenting robo-baby, who drives Tamra crazy and is referred to as “it” by Eddie. Tamra says it sucks to have a new baby, since she’s doing everything and Eddie does nothing. She realizes she doesn’t have the patience she had when she was younger. Eddie is going biking. She wants him to take the baby with him. He says she’s out of her mind. The kid will get in the way. The fighting starts. He is good with not being actively involved. Tams calls him the “Disneyland Dad, who only comes around in good times. She tells him he’s selfish and a bad dad. He’s good with that too.
Back in Mexico, we’re happy to learn that Brooks will not be wearing a speedo. Shannon recounts what she’s heard about Brooks (via flashbacks), but Shannon likes that he makes Vicki happy. Vicki’s brother, Billy, has offered his room to Shannon and David – who gratefully accept. Back in the OC, there is more fighting, this time it is Christian and Lizzie, though she’s considering having another child, she feels that it’s hard to get her husband to help her with the children they already have. He seems to feel as if she’s asking for too much whenever she asks for anything. Since Heather is coming over, he takes the boys so that they can “hang for a little bit”, but only after Lizzie changes the oldest child – because Christian wants him to have a fresh diaper if he’s going to take him. Lizzie seems overwhelmed between Christian’s desires for a traditional wife who does it all, the prospect of a new child, and running her company.
Back in Mexico the couples are out on jet skis, having fun in the sun, and laughing – just as Shannon’s neuroses kick in. We begin hearing what she doesn’t like (fish in the ocean, etc). If I had a buzz, she would definitely have killed it. Lunch arrives on the beach. Shannon is complaining about David in a TH because he is “fun David” in front of them, not the quiet, passive-aggressive man she knows. She says she wishes he was “fun David” with just her. The conversation turns to the lack of time they spend together and questions about whether they want to spend more time together. Shannon wants that. David says nothing. When she gets upset by his lack of response, he says that he didn’t hear the question. When he answers, he says they have different interests. He likes to work out, she doesn’t. The answer does not go over well with Shannon. They at least hug and kiss before Shannon leaves to go shopping with Vicki.
Heather, whom Lizzie views as having it all, finally arrives and she wants to pick Heather’s brain about how to have it all, too. Kinda’ bitchy, but I’m trying to figure out what Heather can offer as advice other than marry a rich man. Is there something more Heather has going on that we’re not aware of at this time? Lizzie is acting as if Heather is quietly running the state of California in her spare time. Lizzie calls her life a game of “Jenga”, juggling everything. Heather recounts the “conflict” she had with Terry when she started working again – you know, when Terry tried cracking jokes and got his hands smacked for it. Heather gives Lizzie the advice to wait a few months, and then go back and decide if it’s time to have a baby. She tells Lizzie she has time, she’s young. Lizzie treats it like the most sage advice she’s ever received. Can we bring back “whatev?”
The interstitial is Tamra, Eddie, Astro, with Tamra talking about how embarrassed she is to be in public with a doll that cries. I think it’s Astro who should be embarrassed about the company he keeps, but hey.
While shopping, Vicki takes Shannon to the cigar factory she’s visited for years. Vicki doesn’t inhale, she says, but tries to convince Shannon there something sexy about a woman smoking a cigar. Shannon disagrees and pulls a “Danielle.” She’s quite judgmental about the cigar. As they later sit down to have coffee, Vicki tells Shannon about an “OMG text from Tamra.” Shannon tells Vicki about the confrontation with Heather. Shannon begins crying. Vicki believes Shannon (who is actually telling a more accurate version of the event than Heather tells, in my opinion). Vicki calls Heather’s behavior “mean” and says, in a TH, that Heather was wrong. Vicki talks about how Tamra, who told Heather she was right to throw Shannon out, also hurt her in the past. Vicki uses the phrase “Tell Tamra, Tel-e-phone.” Shannon says that she likes Tamra, but doesn’t trust her.
Nelse has returned and cooks a meal that Terry loves. Terry is happy, it looks like he gets the job. They discuss, of course, Heather’s Hawaii Five O scene when her son tells her that she’ll never be Angelina Jolie. OUCH.
The family gathers to watch the show. Heather watches the show as if it’s a training film. She chastises Terry for talking over her dialogue when he would be screaming at everyone to be quiet he was onscreen. Terry jokes that the onscreen character attacking Heather’s onscreen character does not like the soup she brought earlier. He looks confused when she accuses Terry of making it all about him. I thought he was trying to inject humor to stop the children from getting upset watching a realistic portrayal of an assault against the character she plays. Heather, for me, is the less kind, less gentle version of Shannon. Terry is, for me, the even more befuddled version of David. Terry leads a round of applause for Heather at the end. She thanks him.
Back in Mexico, Vicki says that she is practically the mayor of Puerto Vallarta. She takes the group to dinner. Vicki is impressed that Shannon is not wallowing in her problems but is having fun, instead. Geez, Shannon and David start bickering about David drinking tequila. Vicki notes that Shannon is chiseling away at David with everything he says. Shannon goes to the bathroom and Vicki follows. In a TH she notes that she too chiseled away at Donn instead of telling him what he was doing right. Vicki tells Shannon she was hard on David. When they return to the table, Shannon takes a swing telling David that maybe the next time he could not make her look like a bitch and the table goes silent. He asks her to smile. I am uncomfortable as she asks the table to excuse the two of them.
When they get outside, Shannon says that she feels that others are criticizing their relationship and it’s driving her crazy. I wish she would hold on to the crazy and leave it in her head instead of lobbing attacks at her husband. He tells her to let it go, it doesn’t matter what other people say about them. They’re good. Sweet mercy, not kidding, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” just popped into my head.
They hug, David palms her backside, a little, they go back into the restaurant and apologize to the group. The good time is back on. Vicki wants to go get drinks and hopes to see Shannon up on the bar top, letting David alone if he gets drunk. We’ll see that all goes, next week. Shhhh… don’t tell anyone, but I liked Vicki, this week. She was compassionate and insightful. I’ll deny it if you tell anyone I said so, folks.