Real Housewives of New York Recap: “My Father Swears Sonja Backed Into His Hard On” [Episode 13]

Lady Sonja opens the show serving lunch in her fabulous garden; her guests are Cody and Aviva.  It turns out that Cody is a mogul, owning one of the most successful nail salon chains in Miami. Who knew?  Sonja gets a free manicure while she and Aviva pump Cody for information. Cody breaks out the Swarovski Crystals leading Sonja to say one of the most unfortunate things I’ve heard her say in years. She comments that with those crystals, her neighbors will think she has a dealer in her yard. Dear Goodness. Cody looks flummoxed but they move on.

Sonja and Aviva want to know if George is all talk or if they have an active sex life. Aviva does not want specifics. Sonja wants all the dirt.  Are toys being used? (Yes, replies Cody.  I just lost 40 pounds tossing up everything I have eaten in the last 3 years) If Cody has not been cast in the role of George’s fiancée, I have stopped believing in everything including Christmas. She is FAR too normal to marry that man. Aviva lets Cody know that she does not expect an inheritance – to which Cody tells her she is not with George for money, she’s already comfortable.  She’s already agreed with George to not have children until she’s 35, he’s freezing his sperm in the event he’s not around. The women interpret that as George showing care for his young bride.

Kristen, Luann, and Sonja are shopping for hats, getting ready to a trip to the Saratoga horse races as Lu’s guests. Sonja reminds LuAnn that she has a “pumpkin head” – which allows her to be beautifully photographed, but makes it hard for her to find good hats.

Reid, Aviva, and the gang are at the Museum of Sex for Cody and George’s engagement party. Sonja and Harry are together. Mario, Ramona, and friend are there – Mario is chasing Ramona and swatting her on the backside and it’s easy to forget their marital woes. Carole shows up to celebrate the engagement despite the fact that and Aviva have had conflict.Ramona doubts that George is a changed man, but she plans to tolerate George, despite the fact that she finds him creepy. Sonja asks that no one mentions Cody’s parents since both have passed, her mother most recently. 

As the happy couple walks in, George makes a beeline for Heather, and then gropes Kristen’s breasts. Both laugh and I’m disgusted.  I am FIRMLY against the use of shock collars for dogs.  No need to throw them out – they can be repurposed.  I’m perfectly ok with putting one on George (as well as on Ramona – and we’re getting to that in a moment, as well as on Kristen the next time she cries when Josh makes her mad or embarrasses her.  Seriously, get your grown woman on and handle his ass). It is amazing to me that these women accept the groping as “Just George.” Being the father of a friend is not a license to grope or stick a stiff penis into someone’s back (which is now being recast as Sonja backing into his erection).    

Carole asks George if Cody is a “squirter” and then clutches her pearls when George begins talking dirty. Ramona finds Cody to be a lady and wonders why she would want to marry the guy. She tells Cody that usually younger women are attracted to older men for the money and power. When Aviva assures Ramona that it’s about love (and intellectual attraction according to Cody) Ramona comments that she knows that Cody has no parents – leading Cody to break down. Ramona claims she didn’t hear Sonja warn everyone not to bring her parents up earlier. George asks where ‘that bitch” is and says that bitches get “f-ed” by dogs.  Ramona has already taken off, knowing that everyone will be upset.  The other women are not amused by Ramoona’s behavior.   Aviva encourages her father to keep perspective and keep things together.

Reportedly, George has been joking that he is marrying Cody for her money, she has more money than him.  The men are enjoying the exhibits, of course.  Aviva toasts her father and Cody. She cries as she mentions her mother and says that she would be happy that they are happy. 

Sonja and Lu go for a bike ride (picnic baskets in tow). Has this show been sponsored by some design collective?  I don’t remember the HWs dressing this beautifully, even for simple days out together. Sonja drops her bike but don’t worry, the wine bottle is safe.  The wine is safe. WHEW! They talk about the engagement party from the night before. LuAnn comments that they have all lowered their standards since an outing is now a success as long as no one has clocked Ramona.  Lu is trying to figure out why any of them are still friends with Ramona, most especially Sonja.  It is noted that Aviva is picking the kids up from camp and won’t be at Saratoga, and neither will Ramona — she will be with Avery.  LuAnn finds Sonja to be fun and enjoyable to be around when she’s not on the “Ramonacoaster.” I honestly don’t see a difference.

The day of the races and the women are sporting their new hats and toasting with a liquid breakfast in champagne flutes.  At Aviva’s, Ramona brings flowers and an apology. Ramona mentions Cody’s youth, lost parents, and vulnerability, using her concern for Avery to say that she wouldn’t want her own daughter to fall prey to an older man. George comes in telling Ramona she looks fabulous, and he’s glad they are together. He reminds her that a person can make a party bleak and he did that at her party last year and  she was right to throw him out.  She apologizes for her behavior at his engagement party. As if on cue from a Bravo director, Ramona follows the apology up by telling him that if he really loved Cody, he would be unselfish and let her go. What the crap on a shingle is THIS?  I’m telling you, it came out of nowhere. Ramona calls Cody a young lovely lady who is having her life stolen when she could find a nice guy her own age. She reminds George that he has lived his life and should let Cody live hers. 

Ramona refers to George as lecherous and asks if he wouldn’t just like a newborn. WTF? Aviva is horrified and reminds Ramona her father is a pervert, not a pedophile. Ramona doesn’t see a difference. Ramona refers to George as Cody’s grandfather, and then her great grandfather. Ramona is sure Cody’s parents would fight to keep George away if they were alive. What just happened? It gets even more weird when George keeps bringing up the issue of race – I don’t think Ramona is racist, in this instance. She thinks George is stealing Cody’s youth and keeps comparing her to Avery. George says that he plans to wet his fingers and stick them in Ramona’s vagina when she dies. Damn, you Bravo editing monkeys. Tell me this was all your doing! They can’t be this cray can they? What’s on the “missing footage” reel? The connecting pieces of this conversation? George thinks that Ramona picked on Cody because of her race, Aviva reminds him that she picks on everyone. Amen, sister. See: Kristen.

At the races and Sonja is flirting with a jockey. Carole wants to know something about his penis, she thinks that short men have longer looking penises. Sonja tells Lu that if she dated a jockey, she’d end up rolling over and killing him. The women are getting serious about which bets to place. It’s actually eerie to watch! Kristen says the only sure bet is that Sonja gets wasted.

The interstitial is of Lu and Kristen at a flea market and hoola hooping… it’s cute, light, and funny. It’s much needed after this firestorm of a show. It must have been from an earlier time because we return to the track at Saratoga.

The gambling beasts are still arguing bets.  They want to place 50 bucks each on their bet with Sonja saying it’s not the way it’s done with old money, she wants to bet $2 and then increase the bets as she wins. In a TH she claims that the other women don’t know what they’re doing, she’s been betting on horses since the age of 17 and she’s the best. LuAnn is snickering, most likely at the thought that Sonja has no real cash to bet with – as the other women are counting out stacks of cash while Sonja has a few bills on the table. She wants to spread her $2 bet on each race – which, as Carole notes, won’t net her much of a win given how much she’s laid out.  Sonja loses, the other HWs win — $3,340 on a $120 bet! The women are celebrating so hard that they don’t even notice that Sonja has walked off.  She does not respond to their calls or text messages – she’s too busy getting betting tips from one of the patrons and letting loose. They decide to leave her.

She comes home, later, angry and shouting “They always do this. BITCHES!” She wonders what kind of friends they are to always leave her.  She’s been drinking and doesn’t seem rational. Kristen hears screaming and runs toward the sound (she’s that damned character who dies first in a horror film). Heather, who’d walked away earlier, is back upstairs screaming with Sonja. Kristen tells Heather to walk away, Kristen decides to engage her. Why are ANY of these women dealing with her knowing she’s drunk?  Some of you have said that Kristen likes the drama with Josh. I’m starting to think that’s true.  As immature as I find Josh in his taunts of his wife, Kristen does the same with Ramona and Sonja. ::empathy off:::

The show ends with Sonja leaving for the Hamptons. If you own property in the Hamptons, I’m sympathetic to your plight, given what must be happening to your property values each week this show airs, eh, not too much sympathy, you rich bastards.

See you next week!