Caroline: The queen bee. A self-described pit-bull of a business owner. Mother; wife. Doesn’t know how many bedrooms are in her house. Unsure how long she’s been married. Knows all the royals. Who you’d want by your side in an dark alley.
Annabelle: The cool girl. Aristocratic family, but feels ambivalent about it. Was the best friend, model and muse of Alexander McQueen who killed himself in 2010. She is still struggling with the loss. Avid horse rider. The heart of the show.
Caprice: The most famous. Goes by one name, “like Madonna.” American, but adopted by England. Gorgeous, smart, and pregnant. Owner of luxury lingerie line. Has been in London for 17 years. Upfront without being rude.
Marissa: The girl-next door from Newport, CA. Very sweet. Earning her UK Citizenship. Mother of baby boy. Husband owns swank club that only royals, Oscar and Grammy winners can get into. Described as Stepford by Caroline.
Juliet: The pushy, loud American. From Chicago. Living in London for 3 years. Wife; mother. Name dropper of celebrities and claims she’s one of them. Says she works in fashion PR. Likes attention—any kind. Might be the life of the party.
Noelle: Possible gold-digger. Model. Came to London for ex-fiancé and never left. Involved in a scandal with current fiancé Scot—who’s still married. Will forever be remembered for her poor choice to incorporate a hat into her wardrobe.
The episode opens with Caroline explaining her extensive English lineage, apparently worth a combined one-billion dollars. She clearly does not have to work, but does, and with fierceness. You don’t want to get on her bad side if you value your job. Caroline forewarns us that she often says things she shouldn’t. Yay!
Caroline and Caprice meet for lunch. I’m a little surprised it’s not tea. They discuss an upcoming event: Polo in the Park. They will attend and want to bring Annabelle along because she needs to get out more. The two ladies also discuss cravings of carbs and liver.
When we cut to Annabelle, she is heading to the horse ranch to train for a race that will help build a school in Ethiopia. The exercise she does on this mock horse (think mechanical bull riding) is incredible and Annabelle obviously has the best butt and thighs of anyone one in the group. The race will honor and celebrate Alexander’s life.
Noelle is in the London Eye Ferris wheel—the most popular tourist attraction in London—with her boyfriend Scot Young, complaining. The water is muddy. She is claustrophobic. Can he open the Champagne bottle already? Scot proposed after only three months; small problem that he’s still married, trying to divorce his wife for four years now, and recently served three months in jail for not divulging economic business details to his wife’s lawyer. Noelle does not see this as a red flag. Run girl! If he’ll do it to her, he’ll do it to you.
When Caprice and Noelle meet for lunch (again, no tea) she basically asks Caprice to be her mentor. Caprice tells her she’s heard some good things and some bad things about her. In a TH Caprice says that a scandal can last for years and years in England. Here’s the interesting part. Caprice doesn’t think Noelle is a gold-digger, she thinks Noelle is a hustler—like her. In America, neither word is a compliment. In fact the word hustler can imply: con-artist. Apparently in England the word hustler means: works very hard. The two say they will see each other at Polo in the Park.
Next we meet Marissa who has lived in London for the last five years. She is married to a British man and says that none of the women in London’s high society have a desire to know her…until they find out who she’s married to. Her husband is the owner of the club “Boujis.” Marissa and her husband go to the park with their sweet baby boy. Marissa tells her husband that hampers are being delivered to them. Imagine my surprise when dirty laundry doesn’t show up. Hampers are like a picnic basket of food delivered to you in what looks like a large “Tiffany’s” box. Marissa Admits that part of the reason for the UK citizenship is to speed up customs.
Juliet and all of her high energy is next. She’s from Chicago and moved here three years ago when Gregor, her husband, received a transfer. Her kids are adorable, but she leaves them to go play tennis with Gregor and another couple. Juliet is very loud on the court. Every time, and there are quite a few, she misses a ball, she get’s very upset. Later, after they lose, Juliet goes to Marissa’s house. The two gossip about Scot, and Noelle’s involvement in this scandal because of Scot. Interesting fact about Scot—he was invited to Juliet’s house for dinner recently but could not help clean up due to his broken finger from putting on jeans that were too tight. Something tells me that Scot doesn’t like to clean up his messes.
Good thing Noelle, Marissa, and Juliet are meeting for tea (finally!), where the two women confront Noelle on her scandal. In a TH Noelle explains that the British tabloids have vilified Scot. Marissa in a TH says that you can never get over a scandal in England. (Unlike America where it can catapult you to stardom.) Noelle tells the ladies that she’d rather talk about anything else. This is when she says, “I’m thinking of incorporating hats into my wardrobe.”
At last, Polo in the Park has arrived. The women ride to the event in separate cars, one with the Brits, one with the Americans. In the Brit car they gossip about Scot and discuss how inappropriate it would be to wear a hat to a polo match—everyone knows that you don’t wear a hat to polo! In the American car Noelle admits to the difficulty of wearing said hat. The two groups meet and kiss cheeks. Caroline mockingly tells Noelle that although she loves the hat, it’s absolutely wasted at polo, and she should be transported to Ascot—which obviously is the equivalent to the Kentucky Derby.
The American women rudely profess their excitement while watching the polo match while the British women sit on a couch and yawn. The American women are compared to dogs by the Brits: Juliet is a terrier, Noelle is a mutt, and Marissa is a pampered, pink poodle. As the British women leave the event, they decide that they like the other ladies, however, Juliet is just too American. Like there’s such a thing!