Real Housewives of New York Recap: Mirrors On The Ceiling, Vibrators & Engagements [Ep 12]

Heather and the Countess LuAnn are shopping, later joined by Kristen.  There is a rehashing of the meeting between Kristen and Ramona. The ladies talk about the various nicknames for Ramona: Ramona Coaster, Ramona Monster, Crazy Eyes, etc. The nicknames are supposed to reflect her various personalitie.  She is a pill, but I don’t feel comfortable watching these women mock Ramona when they are so friendly in her presence.  I’ve always like RHONY because the cast seems the most genuine. There is something disingenuous with this behavior.  They bring up the various issues in Ramona’s life (including Avery going to school) – which don’t excuse her behavior, discussing Ramona’s use of the Hamptons as her “escape” when things get tough.

As they continue talking, Sonja calls to inform them of her planned funeral for Millou, Sonja’s furbaby companion of 18 years.  She feels it is time to let go and move on. Kristen concludes that despite not being a dog person, it gives her an excuse to buy a fabulous hat. At Sonja’s there is a discussion of whether Marley, Sonja’s current furbaby, can smell Millou’s ashes. Sonja thinks he smells Millou from his old collar. Maria, a former intern, watches in what appears to be a combination of shock and humor as Sonja smells the collar to see if Millou’s scent can be detected.  They are then joined by Elizabeth and Cesar, also former interns. The interns look as if they don’t know whether to take Sonja seriously as she talks about Millou being her crutch after the end of her marriage. In a TH, Sonja feels that he deserves a funeral even more special than that of Princess Di’s.  YIKES! Cesar comes up with the idea to spread ashes in different places where Millou spent time with Sonja… just then, Elizabeth, holding Marley, nearly drops Millou’s ashes.

Kristen:  Just before they go in and meet with a couple of fitness video producers from JCore, Josh tells Kristen she looks great, minus her camel toe – but they’ll fix it.  He introduces Kristen to a branding expert, Marci, who he appears to be checking out as Kristen is hugging her.  Creepy.  There is a TH from Kristen reflecting on the end of her modeling career and a flashback to the meeting with the agent who told her that the business is skewing younger.  Kristen is not sure she wants to be home with her kids full time and is looking forward to this opportunity.  After being shown the workout, she realizes that she’s not as fit as she thought, stating that she is use to the lazy girl workout: Pilates once a week and walking her son to school.  She says it wouldn’t break her heart to not get the job, but on the other hand “a girl has  to do what a girl has to do.”

SPOILER ALERT:  We know that Kristen gets the job, she’s already featured on the DVD with Jay, one of the producers she met with during this episode.

Carole:  Carole needs an assistant. Ramona offers to let her conduct the interviews at her office – an offer Carole accepts to keep random people from coming to her home (smart!).  Ramona gives Carole tips on the types of questions to ask, using Ramona Pinot examples, of course.  Ramona flirts with the first young man who comes in – and he is a cutie. Where was Sonja to see this one?  Ramona offers to hire him, instead of Carole.  Ramona is horrified by the odd questions Carole asks (Do you own a gun? How do you feel about Peonies? – to which the young man answers that he’s not a florist). Carole feels the questions will give her a sense of their personalities. I have a feeling that they are getting a sense of her personality.  What is oddest to me is that almost none of these 20-somethings have come with a prepared resume. Like Carole, I found myself asking if I’m old fashioned and no one uses them anymore! None of them have read her book. One young woman thinks her last employer’s death was a win for her, the job was awful.  Are they from central casting?  WTF is happening right now?

Sonja:  Sonja is meeting with her spiritual healer (Aleta St. James, healer to A-list celebs).  As far as I can tell, Sonja is most impressed that the healer gave birth to twins at age 57. The healer is preparing her for the funeral by helping her separate emotionally.  Sonja tells Aleta that she is resentful that people take advantage of her, which includes Ramona who manipulates her. Ramona reminds her of her dad who manipulated her, too. Aleta tells her that she can’t heal Ramona’s inner child at the expense of her own. Sonja talks about Millou being a pure spirit, he was always there for her.  She cites her past with her ex-husband, and with Millou, as her highest highs.  She is sure she will have more of those in the future. She tells Millou she’s ready to let him go so she can let go of the past and learn to love herself without him.

Aviva:  Sonja and Harry show up to have dinner with the Dreschers, and Aviva’s brother, Andre, and Wendy Madden – not knowing that George is coming.  In a TH she calls George “The Erection Bandit,” flashing back to the Miami trip when he stood just a little too close.  Aviva promises that George will leave Sonja alone, he is bringing his new girlfriend. Prepare yourselves, George shows up with a 25 year old young woman, named Cody. Sonja, who just complained about losing Ben, is horrified. They think she’s beautiful, a good girl, but too young. Cody says that for a while she thought George was keeping her as his “little black secret.” They met when he went to her salon – to get his scrotum waxed, adds George.  The dinner conversation takes a seriously odd turn – talk about mirrors on the ceiling and discussing sex with inlaws.  The only interesting thing that happens is we find out that George has been dating Cody for two and a half years.  George offers a couple’s trip to St. Tropez. I’m thinking, hell NO, even if he’s paying!

The most unexpected thing happens, especially since earlier that evening, George offered to show Ramona what poked her in Miami. George proposes to Cody.  Maybe his bark is worse than his bite. The proposal makes sense of a flashback from an earlier season with Aviva telling her father that she only wanted to meet the woman with whom he planned to spend the rest of his life.  My guess is she wasn’t counting on her father marrying a woman who is almost young enough to be his granddaughter. Cody accepts the proposal and the ring is a ROCK. Cody is going to need help carrying that thing around.  If it’s real, she’s going to need to walk around with an armed guard!  P.S. Sonja knocking George’s proposal technique makes me wonder if she feels she missed the boat on George.

Kristen:  Producer Jay and Kristen are working out in her living room. Josh looks on and asks Jay how long it will take to work her pooch off (I’m anti-violence and even I want to slap him). Josh says that if they’re going for realism, Kristen will end up quitting soon. He’s not reading the room because she’s upset and everyone else looks uncomfortable. Josh can’t stop himself.  He keeps throwing out the insults. BAM!  In a TH she nails him on being too busy to be with her and the kids, but not too busy to stand around mocking her in front of everyone. She tells Josh he behaves like he’s her pimp.

In the interstitial, George is advising Aviva on mirrors above the bed and how hot the reflection of oral sex is; Aviva feels sick. I’m right there with you, sister.

Ramona, Aviva, Sonja: The ladies meet for dinner at Jaime’s. Ramona sneaking off to the Hamptons comes up, as well as the issue with Ben.  Ramona responds that she only wanted Sonja with a quality guy and when Sonja calls her out, Ramona smiles. Sonja says it’s not sisterly love, it’s sick.  Ramona says that she’s being ridiculous, she then tells Sonja she’s right about everything, that she loves her, and that she will be in her life forever. Happy Sonja flirts with The Jaime and decides to hit on him as Ramona promises not to interfere.  Ramona even happy dances and thinks Jaime would be a good catch.

The day of the funeral comes and we see the preparations in progress. Guests arrive to a full program – something Harry finds hilarious. Sonja chose to display the “macho” picture of Millou, even though he was gay. Everyone shows up and they look amazing. 

With Sonja’s breakdown, Heather realizes that the service is about Sonja moving on and appears empathetic. It’s sad, it’s sweet, and it’s strange. We end with a toast to Millou and releasing his ashes… on the sidewalk, on the dress Sonja wore to Prince Rainier’s funeral, but mostly into the river. It was the thought that mattered.

See you next week!