We open with a scene of Ramona, who has decided that she doesn’t want Avery to be lonely while away at college so she hires 2 photographers to take pictures of her and their furbaby Coco. Ramona wants to give Avery a calendar to keep on the wall in her dorm room. For Avery’s sake I hope it’s a 12 month and not a 16 month calendar. I don’t know how many college students want a calendar of their parents but, still, it was a thoughtful thing for Ramona to do. Any takers on a bet as to whether Avery leaves it in a drawer until parents weekend? All things Kanye! The photographers brought a lot of clothes for Coco. Ramona brings up Kristen – stating that Kristen is not the only mommy who models…biting my tongue. Never change, Lady R, never change.
It’s all good fun until Sonja arrives with her furbaby. She is taking a break from the team of lawyers who are seeing her through the bankruptcy process. As awful as it has to be, Sonja is optimistic that she will land on her feet and keep her home. Read the update on Sonja’s home here. Hopefully her other business ventures will pan out.
Last week, I would have been willing to sell Heather for a penny and demand change. This week I completely feel for her. Her 8-year old son, Jax, has conductive hearing loss and may be able to have some level of hearing restored – no guarantees. That child is a survivor and has also battled a rare liver disease which required a transplant, food allergies and chronic lung disease. Heather wants to be able to ” fix” at least one thing for him and hopes they learn he is a good candidate for the surgery. The little guy will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Kristen, Aviva, and their children meet up at ” Make” for a play date. Aviva is offended when Kristen makes the eyes of a fish bulge in describing Ramona’s reactions to news she dislikes. Kristen brings up the group division. I cringe. Aviva wants to keep things non-hostile in front of the children….and then tells her to shut the fuck up in front of the kiddos when Kristen brings up the book issue. I would rather become a Kardashian than hear about that damned book fight again. Ultimately, I don’t think Aviva is wrong for wanting Kristen to stay neutral if that’s what she says she is going to do. Aviva is just going about it the wrong way. Kristen lands a blow telling Aviva that everyone told her (k) that she (a) was crazy but she (k) defended her and now she’s seeing what they were all talking about. It’s disheartening that these women are fighting as (other people’s) children are running through the room. Eventually Aviva apologizes and Kristen accepts – no punches thrown or hair pulled.
Heather and her family are at the East Hamptons for fun in the sun and to celebrate the 4th of July. Carole arrives. Jonathan cracks a joke about fireworks between Aviva and Heather. Carole joins in with her own PTSD reactions. Hallelujah! Even Heather sees it is obsessive and that it’s time for Carole to move on. We find out that Heather is waiting to hear from the doctor that very day. Something worth focusing on.
Countess LuAnn and her David Schwimmer clone, Jacques, are playing tennis with Ramona and Mario at their Hamptons home. I can’t help but wondering if LuAnn wouldn’t be in heaven at a celeb look alike convention. They are later joined by Kristen and Josh. More #richpeoplesproblems. Kristen offends by wearing track shoes to the tennis court. WHAT? No classless attacks using phrases like “escapee from whore island”? I love housewives with real money! Well, I was loving them until the party boycott talk started. Kristen’s tennis outfit looks like a cheerleading outfit and she is taking it to heart I guess! She picked the wrong one – Ramona has no “cheer fear” and shuts her down. The point goes to the Singer stinger.
Ramona’s caterer makes me want to be her friend. The group is arriving for dinner. Sonja is not a fan of the new Singer wines – ruh roh. Shade but no punches. Instead, Ramona pulls Kristen aside to let her know she is still upset with her. Heather defends Carole. Kristen defends her old friend Heather. Ramona wants to know who is coming after her to defend Kristen in the chain….ZING! Kristen says she can defend herself. Ramona tells Kristen to stay out of her business.
Heather and Carole arrive and Carole starts in immediately on Aviva issues. I am pretty sure there is a pill and an app for that. Heather jokingly confronts Ramona on missing her party. Ramona reminds Heather that she asked her to attend a party when she had not yet made up with Aviva. After cross charges of hypocrisy, they hug it out. Ramona wants everyone to get the sticks out of their asses and enjoy the July 4th weekend. She and Heather join Mario and another man and the discussion turns to cheating and golf. Mario says the best cheaters don’t get caught. Ramona turns and gives what I think is a knowing and disgusted glance.
Ramona and Sonja talk and Ramona crosses the line with her raw and emotionally fragile friend. Ramona wants Sonja to focus on fewer projects and make a success of one of them – but most definitely not the burlesque stuff, sharing some unkind comments she heard about the show. Sonja counters that she has been working her way since she was 14 and amassed a fortune that way. Sonja is offended when Lu adds that the act could had more polish. I was thinking that Lu’s albums could have used a little more auto-tune – or cowbell. MORE COWBELL! (Damn you Will Farrell). Seemingly hurt, Sonja walks away. In her TH Sonja quips that she could have married better and chosen better friends. She tells Ramona that she is leaving for better parties with more interesting people – kinder friends.
Sonja talks about the fact that she supports herself on her own – no money from her ex. by way of a divorce settlement. We learn that Sonja’s catering company helps her make enough to keep going and help her pay for the five story townhouse. Aviva tries to keep the peace. Sonja doesn’t want to hear it and thinks Ramona couldn’t survive a day living her life. I haven’t always appreciated, Sonja, until now. For however long it lasts, they have made up. No happy ending for LuMann – Sonja calls her. She reminds the Countess that she never commented on her flops. As Lu and Jacques leave, Sonja refers to her as a drag queen… sorry, no, my girls on Ru Paul’s Drag Race would eat her alive.
We end with Carole recording the audio version of her book and then scenes of the group on the beach waiting for fireworks to begin. Aviva wants to talk and work things out. Another scene that starts with daylight and ends with the evening sky as a backdrop. Carole is not having it. She gives serious angry bitchface and shoots down every attempt at reconciliation. I am actually stunned at how badly things are going. Whether she is serious or pulling the best chess move this franchise has seen, Aviva tells Carole how much she enjoyed reading her new book – which only industry insiders have acess to. BAM……Aviva pulls it from her bag like SHE gave birth to it! I swear I think I heard Carole gasp but it could have been me. Carole’s TH response is that she couldn’t have read it, the spine isn’t even cracked. I am slayed!!!!!!!!
In the movie version, Carole and Aviva will be played by Bette Davis and Joan Crawford look alikes….and Countess LuAnn will be in her glory!