Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: ‘Meet and Potatoes’ [Episode 2]

 

We pick up in Honolulu with the question of Brooks and Vicki’s on-again-off again- on again relationship. Vicki admits they are back together. She says they individually went to counseling and have decided their relationship is worth fighting for. Really?  A therapist recommended that Vicki be with a man who threatened violence – if Ryan, Brianna, and taped recordings are to be believed? Vicki faults Brooks’ drinking for their past issues and he now has a two drink maximum. Vicki likes to drink. I see trouble ahead. Tamra expresses outrage in her Talking Head (TH) but tells Vicki she’s willing to give him another chance. Vicki says that she can do whatever she wants with her home now that she’s divorced, including live with Brooks. She calls the relationship between Brooks and Brianna dysfunctional. Yeah, that’s where the dysfunction lies.

Vicki tells them that the only thing they’re co-mingling are their “vaginas and penises.”  Somehow they held dinner down. Later, Tams and Vicki can’t wait to get drinking. They talk Heather into having a nightcap with them and meet several of Tamra’s friends. She joins and playfully puts her drink under the table. When “caught” she tells them that she has to get up early, parting with a voice over that states that “Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life.” Does anyone wonder if Heather has actually seen “Animal House” (“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son”) or if she paraphrasing from something she’s heard before?

Back home, Tamra hands Eddie a drill and asks him to hang curtains.  He tells her the only thing he screws is her… ICK?  They’ve been married for five months and we see the refreshing changes Tamra has made to Eddie’s bachelor pad.  She’s getting ready for a party and talks to Eddie about her “Scary Party” and plans to use a Ouija board.  The last time she used one, it told her she was pregnant with Ryan.  He quips that they don’t want another kid like Ryan, don’t touch the board.  She talks about the possibility of a surrogate or adoption and we flash back to an earlier discussion about him wanting children.  He doesn’t seem to be in a rush. She misses having her children around full-time . She has a hard time saying she and Eddie are a family without the kids.  What was the point of getting married?

Party time and Tams is having her house decorated while she and Vicki are getting their make up done. Tams tells her that Heather is bringing a friend.  Classic Vicki conveys her joy there is another new bitch she has to learn to like.  So… no “Coto Welcome Wagon Committee” for Vicki?   Vicki says that she has three rules for meeting new people:  they have to make her laugh, teach her something, and the third she can’t remember!  

Heather and Shannon arrive.  The food presentation is awesome.  Melon cut to look like a brain, etc.  Cranky Shannon wants real food.  Vicki loves Shannon, both are Aries.  Heather and Tams are shocked, with Tamra speculating that Shannon has voodoo power or it’s a full moon. Vicki thinks that Shannon gets her.

Shannon talks her husband and his twice annual guys’ trip but has never taken a trip with her in 13 years. Heather thinks she’s sharing too much and needs to be careful. Ok, does that sound like she thinks that Tamra and Vicki will use that against Shannon later? Tamra is identifying with Shannon and flashes back to Simon telling her to dress like a married woman.  As they go inside for a tarot card reading, Heather says that she hopes she will learns she’s been cast in a CBS show. Everyone takes turns joking that they were called for that show too (a slap at Gretchen complete with a “Malibu Country” flashback). Tamra seems to take a shot at Heather, too, by stating: “Don’t worry, Heather, your part is much bigger.” Kitty has claws, indeed. Shannon reflects on how well she gets along with everyone. Vicki is enamored with Shannon.  They’re all having such a good time laughing sitting around the fire pit when someone in a horribly scary mask crawls out from behind the bushes to scare the breath out of the ladies. Vicki is not pleased, but Tamra is laughing like a mad woman, enjoying the fright she arranged for the other women. If only every RH moment could be this fun. 

New Day: Shannon won’t let David touch the lemons on the table for Feng Shui purposes: 9 lemons on the table at all times.  He says he can’t keep up with the rules. David rushes Shannon through her conversation about the Scary Party so he can grill – she’s wants to host her own party. He’s critical of her desire to serve beef because the meal will be too heavy. It seems that he’s the chief beef chef and doesn’t want to have to make it. David is shaking out as no big prize, at this time.

Michael is visiting and brushing his teeth on the way down to the kitchen (WTH?)  He’s being living in San Diego and visits occasionally. They “connect” Vicki says. She tells him she’s lost 8 pounds and he tells her that’s not so special.  He doubts her when she says she runs three miles a day. She tells him it takes 40 minutes and he tells her that’s slow. Think Shane Keough, minus the good looks and questionable charm. I have to wonder if he’s just not feeling mommy dearest and knows about her rekindling her relationship with Brooks.

Days later Tams, Shannon, and Heather are meeting for dinner. Tamra tells Heather her boobs look big and cops a feel. Heather tells her not to do that they’re in public, referring to Tams as tactile.  I kid you not, Tamra has no idea what that means. She calls it a “big word.” Dictionary.com, seriously, you have a smart phone. Tamra is glad that Shannon is not another Fancy Pants.  Tamra shares that she spent three hours at the dentist and Shannon, letting her freak flag fly, tells them her dentist is holistic and put gems inside her teeth – gems heal, of course.  Tams calls it ghetto, Heather looks flustered, I’m feeling some kind of way, myself.  The first tooth was 20k, but once he consulted his psychic network and found out she saved a nation in a past life, he was honored to do it for free. DAMN! I’m back on #TeamDavid. Heather explains that she is concerned that someone like Shannon (trusting) can be taken advantage of – pissing Tams off that Heather doesn’t get that using the phrase that “people like you” is offensive.

The conversation switches to Tamra wanting a child.  She becomes emotional. Heather tells her having another child may not be ideal, the child would be a replacement.  Tamra deserves credit for not screaming at her.  Shannon thinks that if she wants a child in her new relationship she should be able to talk with her husband about it and BOOM!  Heather drops another insult: “Tamra is not a communicator.”  Shannon comments in her TH that she’s getting red flags from being around Heather.  No matter what, Shannon is smart! 

Vicki’s therapist, “Dr. Sanders” is visiting.  I at least have some hope since it’s not the same guy RHOBH’s Taylor used.  He seems to be so good at making it clear that Brianna and Ryan don’t have to respect her decision to be with Brooks. It sounds as if he’s telling Vicki she has to be responsible for the choices and feelings she has and she’s interpreting it as “go for it.”

Shannon is getting ready for her dinner party. In the car on the way over, Terry and Heather are commenting on the sub-parking the Beador’s have (but no motor court?  ::smug grin:: THEY will be the only family with a motor court). Does anyone still say “bite me”?  If not, I hope to bring it back. I really wanted to use it when later in the ep, Terry calls little “Coco/Collette” a “bitch” for not wanting Daddy’s kisses. Vicki comes alone. As guests arrive and begin talking, Heather notes that David’s responses to Shannon sound a lot like Terry’s responses to her (especially when asked if he cared about Shannon burying crystals in the foundation for Feng Shui purposes).

I find out that I’m #TeamNobody.  Shannon freaks out about every aspect of her party and David is too checked out. The potatoes aren’t cooked as well as she would like, she has to use the microwave (and why does “holistic Shannon’ own one?),  David didn’t get enough wine earlier in the day. Shannon argues loudly with David and makes everyone uncomfortable, David has sisters named Vicki and Lauri (the name he wants to call Vicki who tells him to never call her that- Lauri is a bitch. I’ll give her that one), and I think Vicki is giving David the “Yum Eye.” Ultimately, Vicki feels like she is looking at a mirror image of her and Donn and wonders what the couple is like when people aren’t around.

We see more trouble ahead in the previews for next week.  The fun doesn’t last for long on a RH show.