Million Dollar Listing NY Recap: ‘There’s No Crying In Real Estate’ [Episode 3]
Fredrik is in a bind trying to sell the eco-friendly green penthouse that is saddled with $9000 per month fees. He tells the Developer they need to drop the price from $6M to $5.25M. The developer looks like he’s going to drop dead. Fredrik needs to carry a defibrillator for these types of talks! The developer looks constipated. Fredrik looks constipated. They stare at each other intently. They finally compromise with a $5.5 million listing price. The Developer looks like he is going to vomit.
Ryan is at a Midtown East 3 bedroom penthouse with amazing views of the Empire State and the Chrysler building. The owner wants to move uptown but she’s not ready to let her midtown home go. She almost starts crying as she recounts that this is the home where her children learned to walk. She is considering renting versus selling, which of course is a lot less commission for Ryan. He tries to spook her with renter horror stories, but her emotional tie is too strong. The going price is $5 million, but the “emotional seller” wants $6.5 million or nothing. Ryan takes on the challenge.
Luis is rocking too much hair product. Hello helmet head! He is out to charm the head of a family that develops and sells various properties. They have their own team of brokers. Luis says if he is given exclusive rights to sell their properties, he can get $7.8M on a property worth $7M. Luis may be young, but his cajones are mucho grande. The owner gives him one unit and 6 months exclusivity to bring in the high price.
Ryan meanwhile decides to invite every broker and their mother to the Midtown open house. He wants to sell the emotional seller’s apartment right away before she can change her mind. A parade of characters comes in. Ryan sadly acknowledges that he shouldn’t have done the open cattle call. Lesson learned.
More bad news at the Green Penthouse, the property next door is under construction. Scaffolding will need to be erected that would require that the penthouse terraces be covered FOR TWO YEARS. Fredrik said that for 2 years of noise and construction inconvenience, this could drop the asking price by a million. The developer said they already dropped 500k and Fredrik should be able to get some sucker who will buy it before the construction continues. The developer isn’t going to lower the price any more. Fredrik looks like he is having an aneurysm. If I gave a client that look, my company would fire me. But then again Fredrik makes a hell of a lot more money than I do, so maybe I need to start making that face!
Luis and his crack marketing team decide the best way to sell the unit for the inflated price is by creating a hard cover book as the open house invitation. “A tale of the upper west side” with no ending. Doesn’t anyone use Evite anymore? Luis handpicks staging furniture. Who knew he was a mini Jeff Lewis?
Ryan ‘s emotional seller loses it and says selling the family home may be too traumatic for her kids. She agrees to let “a couple” people look at the space. Ryan tells his assistant to invite EVERYONE who was interested.Ryan shows the penthouse to a strip club owner and his 2 representatives. They look like extras from CSI Miami. The buyer says: “I want to see where the magic happens.” Um Sir, 2003 called. They want their “MTV Cribs” line back.
Fredrik and Derek go parrot shopping. Yes, you read that correctly. There is a low offer for the Green Penthouse. The Developer tells Fredrik he is crazy. Cut to Fredrik and Derek, in bright fluorescent matching polo shirts, dancing around their home. Fredrik says he is the Swedish frog. I demand a drug test.
Ryan receives Luis’ book invitation. Ryan says it is lame. His assistant said it is innovative. Ryan scowls and says: “He could have emailed this. Do you know how many trees he just killed?” But the strip club owner found a better deal, so Ryan has no one interested in the Midtown unit. He will definitely be going to Luis’ open house to see if he can sell it to one of his buyers. Money, money, money.
Back in the Green Penthouse, Fredrik has brought a “peace offering” to try to get the Developer to accept a lower price. He opens a gigantic bag of worms WITH HIS TEETH and pours them into a composting station. The Developer likes the worm house but will not accept the latest offer of $5.1M. Fredrik starts shaking his finger with eyes bulging. Where is that defibrillator? Fredrik yells “This dance! These worms! This scaffolding! This is NOT going to work out!” I don’t think that line has ever been uttered in Bravo TV history. The Developer agrees to lower the price. Fredrik wraps himself in a large yellow blanket and stares at the worms like some sort of Worm Shaman. The Worm Magic works. The buyer accepts the counter-offer.
Luis hires an actor to narrate the story invite to bring it to life. The open house looks like a night at the symphony. Believe it or not, the hokey narrator is actually working magic on the brokers. Again, I demand a drug test. The owner loves the new faces and interest Luis’ marketing has brought to her property. Luis is on cloud nine with a smile as big as Texas.
And then Ryan enters. The camera flashes to a dark, ominous sky. End of episode.
Next week’s episode looks like a knock out drag out Ryan vs. Luis battle. Stay tuned!
When SouthTampaLily grows up she wants to be a cult leader or Faye Dunaway in “Mommie Dearest.” Until she finds some maturity, she spends copious amounts of time watching reality television and training her cats for the circus. Follow her on