New cast member Lisa Nicole is hanging out with Quad. Because Lisa Nicole was in the first episode for a millisecond, I have no feel for who she is. Well hold on to your Sunday hat, because it turns out Lisa Nicole’s business partner is Dwight from The Real Housewives of Atlanta! Is it Christmas in April? Lisa Nicole is now interesting by association! Call me when Ayden “The Prince” Nida makes a cameo as Lisa Nicole’s CFO. This scene is all you see of Lisa Nicole on this episode, so make sure you savor it. Quad is upset that while she dresses well with high couture labels, her dogs just do not have the same level of wardrobe. (Cue little children crying!) Quad decides her mission in life is to create a designer doggy couture line so that she is never ill accompanied by a pooch in a ratched outfit.
Dr. Simone tells Dr. Jackie that they need to table Dr. Jackie’s recent desire to get pregnant using a donor egg discussion “forever.” If I talked to a girlfriend about her fertility issues like that, I’d be buried under someone’s house. Has Dr. Simone taken a close look at Dr. Jackie’s arms of steel? She may want to think twice about what she says! Dr. Jackie and Dr. Simone are still steamed over getting called out at Dr. Heavenly’s party. Dr. J says ”I allowed Dr. Heavenly to take my power. I was between anger and humiliation.” Um, how did you think Ms. Plus Georgia felt at the bowling alley when you were mocking her, Dr. Jackie?
Toya and her husband Dr. Eugene take their dog for a walk. Evidently Eugene didn’t realize he was tap dancing in a mine field when he suggests that Toya should get a job once the kids go to school full-time so she is not “unfulfilled.” Nice knowing you, Dr. Eugene. What flowers do you want at your funeral?
New cast member Dr. Heavenly has three children – 2 older boys and an 8 year old daughter named Alaura. I have already filled out my Alaura fan club membership application. She is adorable and not afraid to speak her mind! Dr. H says Alaura is “off the chain, like her mother.” She and Alaura were giving each other major side eye during a discussion of Dr. H’s former plus size figure. I could seriously watch an entire episode of their side eye glares! Dr. H says “Women cannot be in positions of power,” that their role is to support their men. Oh Dr. Heavenly, I like you one minute and then you open your mouth with your “women must be submissive to men” talk and I want to submissively throw a pillow at my TV. Speaking of her “pre-diet body,” Dr. Heavenly turns to her husband and says: “Daddy, you didn’t let me know I was fat.” There is so much wrong with that sentence that I can’t even speak!
Mariah – still rocking a Wayland and Madame high top knot bun – tells her husband about “the circle of Frenemies” and the drama caused by Dr. Heavenly entering the circle. Mariah says she was glad for once that the drama was outside of her. I know that feeling, Sister! Mariah literally starts whimpering at her husband’s receding hair line. I have never heard quite this sound before. Dr. Aydin evidently uses that black hair spray that RHONJ Joe Gorga uses. They start discussing hair plugs. Mariah & Dr. Aydin’s laid back “Blackadeshi” rapport is really cute.
Dr. Jackie asks her staff’ to help plan a date night where she can spring it on her husband, Curtis, that she wants to get pregnant using a donor egg. Her staff suggests Jackie pole dances or better yet, take him to a strip club. Oh please Baby Jesus, please have Dr. Jackie take her husband to a strip club! I promise I’ll be less snarky if you make this scene happen! The staff asks “What does (Curtis) like to do other than eat or sex?” Dr. J says “Basketball.” They decide that Dr Jackie should wear tiny little shorts to get Curtis in a “yes” mood. However, despite her amazingly fit body, tiny shorts cannot get Dr. Jackie new kitchen cabinets or a “yes” to a baby. Dr. Jackie looks so dejected and says she is crushed. She probably should have tried the strip club route.
Quad drops in on Dr. Simone who is giving orders that the hospital should give a “Tylenol suppository per rectum.” Quad (and probably everyone else in the known universe) says that she thought you took acetaminophen by mouth, not by ass. Dr. Simone said she would find an orifice that Quad didn’t even know she had. NOW THAT’S FRIENDSHIP! Quad is more interested in a Puppy Couture Clothing Line than having a baby. She asks about birth control options. It is unclear whether Quad is going to tell her husband if she goes on birth control. But she does share that her girlfriend (a.k.a. her vagina) is “tight and right, honey.” Top of my list of things I did not need to know.
The episode ends with Dr. Simone and Toya yelling at each other on the street. Toya is mad Dr. S freak-danced on her husband. Dr. S is mad that Toya called her out during a black tie function in front of her colleagues. They both think they are being disrespected and not heard. There is no resolution as Dr. Simone drives away.
When SouthTampaLily grows up she wants to be a cult leader or Faye Dunaway in “Mommie Dearest.” Until she finds some maturity, she spends copious amounts of time watching reality television and training her cats for the circus. Follow her on