I rarely envy the wealthy, but now I’ll have to put one more wish item on my wish list: A private investigator! The episode opens with Sue Ellen telling “Bum” to tail John Ross. She knows he’s cheating with Emma and wants Bum to help her stop him. She wants John Ross to learn from his daddy’s late-in-life revelations that the 40-plus years of cheating just weren’t worth it. 1 – I need a PI to do dirty work for me. 2 – I want one with a cool name like “Bum”. 3 – It was sad to see Sue Ellen ignore Bum’s warning that doing this could harm her relationship with her son. 4 – It was sadder to see her tip that flask after the meeting because neither drinking nor having Bum tail John Ross will change a damned thing. That kid’s head and heart are made of stone. He has to learn the hard way. J.R, Jr. thinks with his Jr. and nothing will stop him.
Emma comes home to find daddy Ryland flipping through files in his safe. He confronts her about her betrayal and the stolen ledger that helped put him in prison. When Emma threatens to call the police, he taunts her with the news that she can call the judge who tossed his case. He is perplexed by her behavior, that she’s so easily able to betray him. As a threat, he brings up the possibility that she’s back on drugs and possibly considering hurting herself. He informs her that he wouldn’t want to have to lock her up, just as he did “dear old grandma”. Damn. Emma was raised by one devil, and is now “in bed” with another. She is filled with bad decision making all the way around. She’s foolish enough to believe that John Ross will save her from her father. I’m thinking no.
John Ross proves he’s capable of being in full control by phoning Bum (who is following through on Sue Ellen’s orders taking photos of a cheating John Ross) while Emma is seducing him. Late in the show we’ll hear Bum warn John Ross about his actions, and also lie to Sue Ellen about the affair between John Ross and Emma. Folks, the credits haven’t even rolled yet! This show is amazing. What else happened?
Bobby and Ann discuss a discrepancy between the maps of Ewing land drawn in 1980 and the recent maps giving John Ross the right to drill –given to them by John Ross. If John Ross says the sky is blue, clouds are white and the sun is hot. VERIFY! Bobbly plans to do that. It’s what makes him Bobby. Just as they’re headed to bed, Ann and Bobby get a visit from Sheriff Hot-As-Hell warning them about Ryland’s release. Silly Bobby, he still calls him “Officer Derrick”. They find out there’s nothing they can do despite the likelihood that the judge who threw out the evidence in Harris Ryland’s case was bought off. They wonder if Bobby’s friend, Sen. McCallister, can get the answers they need about this case.
Pamela arrives at Ewing Global in time to see John Ross flirting with his secretary, Candace. I can’t wait until she shaves off his cojones and leaves them in a jar at her nightstand to remind him she’s not his mother. His “morality repellant” is working. Candace thanks him for his compliment and tells him she’s sweet, but not innocent, before agreeing to spy on Christopher and the “seismic guy”, Howard. Howard snubs John Ross on a high five, Pamela seems to ignore her instincts and keeps walking, and Cliff’s attorney walks in taunts the cousins about a whiff of descent. I’d need Xanax to work at Ewing Global.
Elena and Nicolas/Joaquin plan to attend the Ewing barbeque knowing Elena’s mother will recognize him. He doesn’t care, it was bound to happen and he’s going to fight for justice for her family Is there anyone The Ewings haven’t been accused of screwing over? Wasn’t there another way for the writers to make the Ramos family partners in Ewing Global without dragging this old chestnut out? Why wasn’t the Ramos family the wealthy investors who saved EG from Cliff? Cliff and Digger, and now Elena and her family; so much about this show is new and fresh, but everything tied to Elena drags this show back into the worst of the 80s. I want to like Elena, but I just can’t. She’s too “Cliff-whiny” for me. Later in the episode, Carmen warns Elena that her association with Cliff won’t end well – his only goal is to destroy the Ewings. I’m not sure why Elena believes her mother would rather be a maid than a millionaire.
John Ross arrives home to a scene he must have witnessed a thousand times in his youth. Instead of his mother, sitting alone drinking on the patio while her husband is out doing whatever, it’s his wife. Pamela finds her fight and lets husband dearest know she saw him flirting, and warns him about what will happen to him if she catches him cheating. He finds it sexy. I’m thinking it’s time for couples therapy.
I was skeptical about the addition about AnnaLynne McCord (as Heather) to the cast, until Heather confronts Christopher over fracking on South Fork. The chemistry in that one scene far exceeds the combined scenes of Christopher & Elena in prior seasons. They’re even cuter on the dance floor at the barbecue, later in the episode.
Emma puts on her big girl pants, bringing mama Ryland home. No one makes a dramatic entrance like Judith Light, who bangs her cane against the floor with each step – causing Ryland’s heart (and mine) to race with every beat before she appears before him. She tells him she’s taking over, reminding him she was dealing with sociopaths and scum while he was still playing with his EasyBake oven. Why do I f’love her so much? She wants to renegotiate with the cartel. Do your damned thing Mama Ryland… and then get back to a well-deserved lock up because you are deliciously awful.
Pamela notices John Ross flirting with another easily compromised blonde at the barbecue and drags Nicolas/Joaquin onto the dance floor for a little Texas-style dirty dancing. They receive applause. Angry John Ross gets he message.
Howard gives Bobby the money John Ross tried to bribe him with and tells Bobby everything about an earlier talk between the two men. Bobby gives him the money back and thanks him for his honesty. He trusts him.
Nicolas/Joaquin taunts Christopher about how attractive he finds Elena. Er, ok. Family ties and all that. Nicolas/Joaquin later meets with Carmen, they embrace, and she warns him to not lead her children into the darkness, which has been fighting with the light for his soul since they met. His facial expression reveals that it’s possible that his dark side is winning. On cue, Elena steals Bobby’s portable hard drive and replaces it. Nicolas/Joaquin saves her when Christopher stops her by asking her to show him around Dallas. Christopher warns her that she should stay away from him. Together, Elena and Nicolas/Joaquin find Bobby’s email about Rhonda Simmons (the witness against Cliff).
Heather walks up after she leaves and kisses Christopher. Cute. I like. So I’m sure she’s a spy, or evil, or something that will break my heart now that I’m into this developing couple.
Howard reveals that, unfortunately, the shale is within John Ross’ drilling rights. He decides he can’t wait for Christopher to find dirt on Nicolas/Joaquin and decides to frack.
(Emmy Award Winning) Judith Light proves that her wins are all about the talent. Mama Ryland hard sells, sweet talks, and damn near seduces a drug lord into paying Ryland Trucking more money. She sets up a new route for transporting the cartels’ drugs. Harris is horrified. Mommy tops his terror testing the cocaine in front of him. I’m scared, entertained, but scared.
Ann and Bobby are in for the shock of their lives. Expecting to meet with Sen. McCallister, they are held at gunpoint and taken to a secret site. They learn that Harris is a pig, just not the pig they thought he was. He’s been working with the government to take down the cartel since they first approached him. The CIA sprung Ryland and let the cartel think the judge they bribed set him free. They are shocked. I am shocked.
How could this show be any more perfect?