Couples Therapy Recap: ‘Final Goodbye’ [Episode 10]

Gotta be honest, the season finale of Vh1’s “Couples Therapy” is just one more wasted hour of my life I cannot get back. I was sucked in by the appearance of Jon Gosselin initially, but now I regret choosing to blog it for All About The Tea because once I started, I HAD to finish. Couldn’t leave you guys hanging on my final take on this bona fide group of nutcases.

To be fair, I’m going to start with the ones who aren’t crazy. Sada and Whitney are going to be just fine. I hope they make a bucket list together like they discussed. Fun couples project to make and execute. I think Sada made a lot of progress on her issues through participating in this and I think their marriage is going to be stronger. Go lesbians! I’m telling you, if women just ran the world, we’d talk stuff out instead of having wars all the time.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse (he’s been caught cheating, he disrespects her constantly and they’re already broken up), Ghost becomes an even bigger son of a bitch on the finale last night. Kelsey keeps trying to be nice and it’s like he’s being a bastard intentionally. Dude, you’ve done enough damage. Stop it already!!!

When Kelsey was trying to highlight the positive things they learned together in “Couples Therapy,” Ghost acts like he’s done her some major favor by completely humiliating her on national television. She points out they’re communicating better now, but he’s not buying it. “We could have said that at the motherfuckin’ crib.” Nice one Ghost. But this brainchild isn’t smart enough to leave it alone then. He’s gotta push.

“I ain’t mad at you though. I forgive you though,” he tells her. And Kelsey asks, naturally, “For what???” Never missing a beat, Ghost tells her he forgives her “for taking me through all this bullshit.” That was finally the nail in the coffin – better late than never – she throws something at him and leaves.

“The type of woman that he needs ain’t the type of woman that I be,” Kelsey explains. You go girl, I totally agree. That said, you should use a little bit of that free time you’ll have now that you’re single and take an English grammar refresher course. Might improve the quality of the men who are interested in you. Just sayin. You can keep the hair if only because I find it completely fascinating. And it looks good on you.

Dr. Jenn advised them to take some time apart before trying to become friends again. Weird thing is, Kelsey is the one who seems to have a problem with that. The doc said keep away for at least a year, but I’d put my money on no more than a month. And I predict Kelsey will contact Ghost first, not the other way around. Sigh. Sad, but probably true.

 

Highlight of the season for me with Dr. Jenn was when she watched Farrah’s date with her on TV but couldn’t stop laughing. Oh, she was as professional as she could be, but every time they chatted in between clips, the doc looked like she was going to bust out laughing. Granted, the guy was a total douchebag and Farrah chose him for herself based on his online dating profile, but we already know she suffers from PMS (Poor Mate Selection). Really, was letting Farrah choose her date the best decision, Dr. Jenn?

Thank God Jon only gave Liz a “promise” ring because I would have puked in my own mouth if it had been an engagement ring. I thought it was weird to give her a gift to remember their time in “Couples Therapy,” but maybe that’s because I figure Vh1 is going to rerun it so many times that they’ll never be able to forget it. Nor will his children. That’s probably seriously bad news for Jon, at least from the legal, child custody, court of public opinion perspective. He’s proven to be just as big an asshole as everybody who watched “Jon & Kate Plus 8” always suspected.

But Jon wasn’t completely clear in the way he gave Liz the ring, and he knew it. I thought that was mean. He said afterward in interview “I hope she doesn’t think this is THE ring. This is more of a commitment ring.” What did Liz say in interview after she got the ring? “Yes, I can picture myself spending the rest of my life with Jon.” Ay Dios Mio. Maybe they’re perfect for each other, but God help all his poor children.

I hope the kids don’t watch him talking about how he discussed masturbation with his mother. As the very gorgeous Antonique Smith from the movie “Notorious” sings in her new single – “Hold Up, Wait a Minute!” Since when does Jon Gosselin have a relationship with his family? Where were they for the last 10 years? His family NEVER appeared on the TLC program, to the best of my knowledge. Wasn’t it explained they were somewhat estranged? Why the reappearance? When did that happen? Inquiring minds want to know. And then we want you to go back to your little cabin in the woods, Jon… and stay there forever. You can take Liz with you.

 

I do not know what to think about the whole Taylor, John, Kennedy thing. Did anybody else think that, considering her mommy’s been gone for 20 days when she sees her, that this kid was a little nonplussed to be reunited with Taylor? I felt a little sorry for mom. Kennedy is definitely a brat, and Taylor created the monster. But really, is it her fault? She hasn’t had much time to raise her in between cranking out a book, doing speaking engagements, being on reality television and looking for a man. Get your fucking priorities in order Taylor! Damn. Kennedy, you may have noted, also didn’t get upset to say goodbye to her mother. That was weird. How often does she usually see her mother? A normal child – reunited after three weeks – would freak to be torn away again. Kennedy’s reaction, in my armchair psychologist opinion, did not indicate a normal mother/daughter relationship.

I think John has really good intentions with Kennedy, and he must really love Taylor, because that child is a handful. The significance of him wanting to adopt Kennedy (the big reveal – even Taylor joked about it being a “pre-nup” when he handed her the paperwork) is really sweet. But I have to wonder if it’s premature. They’re not married yet. What if he and Taylor don’t make it? What then? What happens to the sweet little girl caught in the middle? She could be a sweet little girl if somebody paid attention to her that wasn’t on salary to do it.

If they take Dr. Jenn’s advice and spend a lot of time working with her and listening to her, Kennedy will probably come out okay. Her mother is still a big hot mess even after all this televised reality therapy. But if Taylor and John keep it together and do what’s right for that little girl based on the doc’s advice, this entirely too-painful-to-watch, horrible season of “Couples Therapy” will have been worth every minute they spent making it.