Mob Wives New Blood: Reunion Recap

I have been waiting for tonight all week long. But the Mob Wives New Blood were sorta hard to keep up with because of all the bleeping out of the obscenities. Anybody who judges me for having a potty mouth should not watch these women. Or they should because they make me look good.

Let’s start with the biggest OMG of the reunion… Natalie was giving Renee cocaine and pills when she was in recovery!!! And she pushed and pushed and pushed until Renee outed her tonight. Ha! Little bitch deserved it after tweeting that Renee is a “coke whore.” I guess Natalie would know. Was that #cokewhore with a hashtag? #JustCurious

Natalie sooo had it coming when Renee busted her… “Don’t talk about my recovery.” But Natalie couldn’t let it go – “I’m asking a question.” Bad, bad move Nat. They always say never ask a question you don’t know the answer to. You did it to yourself being mean about Renee’s relapse.

Here it comes… line of the night from Renee to Natalie “If that’s the case, why would you fucking get high with me bitch?” OMG. Anybody else notice Natalie not denying it?

No wonder Renee hired her for Mob Candy – that would be such a convenient hookup. Honestly, I expected to hear Natalie had been a stripper or something insane like that, but finding out she was GIVING RENEE DRUGS was even better. I know, I’m sorry. Renee would be mad at me for laughing (just call me Drita) but Natalie is such a mess that I can’t help but giggle a little at this revelation. I think anybody who was a #TeamNatalie might be reconsidering her position.

 

Natalie is awful. Don’t get me wrong, she’s super pretty and the red lipstick on her tonight was TO DIE FOR. However, every time she opens her mouth I cringe. That woman has the worst grammar in the entire planet. And the thing is, she doesn’t know it. She has no idea how bad it sounds when she’s trying to eviscerate somebody and sounds like trailer trash. She can’t help the Philly accent (btw not everyone from Philadelphia talks like that), but I’m sure that English is taught in the public school system there.

Let’s examine some examples of how Natalie makes herself look stupid when she’s going for the opposite. My faves tonight were “I’m not gonna stand down to nobody” and “I don’t bow down to nobody.” Would somebody please introduce this woman to the word ANYBODY!!! Please? Please??? She reminds me a little bit of a Marisa Tomei in “My Cousin Vinny.” Btw, that’s not a compliment and Marisa was acting. Natalie isn’t.

Big Ang said it best. “Head back to South Philly as fast as you can Natalie because we’ll never hear the end of it.” And that’s about as mean as Big Ang gets. She’s the nice one here. I think she might be trying to save Natalie’s life… LOL. Good news for all of us is that boyfriend London is moving in with her in Philly so we can at least pray she’ll stay there. Besides, the rest of them hate her. Except for Alicia, who, let’s face it, doesn’t really count as great friend material as she starts packing for the Big House.

Ohhh Alicia. Were you trying to redeem yourself with the judge before your sentencing with tonight’s behavior on the reunion? Boohoohoo. Owning up to your crime. So sad. Still pretending you didn’t know what was going on under your own roof. Reality check. You can’t “cook the books” if you don’t turn on the stove. You did it, and now you’re going to pay for it with money and time. People who say you shouldn’t have to pay for your husband’s mistakes are forgetting he couldn’t have committed his crimes without your help. I do not feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your children though. A trucking company? So cliche. And you didn’t know he was in the Mafia. Rightttt.

All these women get really worked up if you talk about their kids (or mean tweet in front of them) – and I don’t trash children because it’s not their fault their parents are freaking idiots. But I will comment on parenting skills. Who the hell lets their child escort them into court in a hoodie? For real Alicia, your oldest is a doll and he presents very, very well. He’s still young enough for you to say “really, honey, it would look better if you had a jacket and tie on in court.”

At least Alicia’s brother seems to have it together to take the kids when she doesn’t come home after her next hearing. She explained tonight that her sentencing was postponed because the restitution piece hadn’t been worked out yet. But with as much money as they’re talking about, she might have better accommodations in prison than what she’ll be able to afford when she pays back everything they stole. Just sayin. She’s not a terribly sympathetic character. Pretty, but that’s about it.

Speaking of pretty, I though Renee looked a hell of a lot better than she did during the season so maybe her recovery is back on track. I wish her well. As I said last week, she didn’t fall off the wagon, she jumped off the Eiffel Tower. And now we learn that she was “relapsing” for a long, long time.

I’ve been doing the math on this. How long was that season in production? I mean, she hired Natalie when they were snorting coke together and became buddy buddy between seasons, right? And Vegas was halfway through the season at least. Renee was using hardcore for months and months. She admits to Xanax, “anti-depressants” and booze of every form in Vegas, and from what she said to Natalie tonight we can assume she was doing a lot of coke and other drugs in pill form with her “Mini Me.”

One thing I have always suspected played out as totally true tonight – Drita is the only one who can put Renee in her place and shut her up. Big Ang could do it but she wouldn’t – she’s not that aggressive or vocal. But Drita, while she loves her, is sick of Renee’s shit too. C’mon girls, let’s face it. It’s a little like Lisa with Brandi on RHOBH. We all have a Renee in our lives (hopefully not one who is that big a mess and in trouble with a mobster), and we all know the feeling of having had just enough. Or a little too much. I think we saw that tonight.

When Renee accused the other women of having mocked her when she was a hot mess in Vegas, Drita didn’t back down. And it needed to be done. Renee, the girls have let it go – you should try doing that too. You’re the one who got all messed up and ruined the trip for everybody. I suggest you stop bringing it up. NOBODY owes you an apology for Vegas, not even Natalie. You should have been put in a locked facility the night of the pool scene – the cops would have committed you as a hazard to yourself. I can’t think what production was doing watching this unless they had 10 guys ready to grab you if you decided to jump out of the pool. I bet their insurance company had a heart attack when that episode ran. Did the camera crew just sit there watching you get wasted all alone until the other girls got back? Or were you off camera and being sneaky? Whatever, it was ugggggly. Must be hard to watch that footage of yourself. Poor AJ.

Drita wasn’t getting on the pity party train. She said it was “annoying” that people keep bringing up Vegas, and Renee wasn’t bright enough to leave it at that. She had to push and look for an apology from them. One that wasn’t owed or forthcoming. Was anybody else like “GO DRITA!!!” when she said to Renee, “We weren’t laughing and joking…If I didn’t crack a joke about it, I was gonna lose my mind.”Well said. Hasn’t Renee ever heard of a laugh or cry situation? That was the definition of such.

 

Then Drita told Renee to “shut up” when she was lecturing her about having discussed her husband Lee with Karen in an earlier season, Renee didn’t fight back. Drita is the enforcer, but I honestly don’t think she’s looking for that role. She is really trying to play nicely with pretty much everybody and they keep pushing the limits with her. I loved it when she said that if you called Lee “delicious” and she didn’t know you, she’d probably rip your tongue out. Alrighty Drita. So noted. Your husband is absolutely not delicious

I’m thinking the whole having-a-baby idea probably belonged more to Vh1 and the production company because Big Ang was definitely NOT feeling it tonight and it doesn’t sound like her husband is that upset about it. Now we all know she’s going through the “change of life” and that her hubby isn’t getting any (thanks for the visual Ang). But it sounded like he might tonight because of her sequined hoodie. Whatever turns him on. I’m guessing he’s a boob man.

I want to hear more about what Big Ang thinks during “Mob Wives.” She’ll answer any question she’s asked – and she’s not always nice with what she says. But she rarely jumps into any argument without being invited. She prefers to watch. I honestly don’t think she likes fighting. It’s hard to imagine that she was part of drug ring and escaped 10 years in prison with house arrest. Seriously. Was that back when she made the unfortunate lip augmentation decision? Can you have lips like that deflated? Taylor from RHOBH wants to know too.

I could go on and on – the etiquette whore in the wedding planner in me is DYING to write extensively about the clip of Natalie applying lip gloss in her reflection in a dinner knife at a restaurant (so classy), but really, what can I say that you haven’t already thought to yourselves. And if you didn’t know that was a social faux pas, learn it now. That was the freakin tackiest thing I’ve seen in awhile, and I see some pretty tacky wedding guests in my business. I’ve NEVER seen that and I’ve had plenty of clients from Philadelphia.

I cannot believe we have to wait for a new season now. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to be following the news about Alicia’s sentencing. Supposedly it will be in March, and that’s going to make the next season on “Mob Wives” interesting if she does get house arrest. How much can you film at Alicia’s house? And how are you going to get Renee to go there after they have another fight? I think this particular mob wife should move onto her next career. She should have lots of time to write in lockup.